No, I'm not dead. I'd just been using my mother's computer for a while...every once in a while. She's nuts, she's miserable and she's terribly controlling and passive-aggressive. Long story short, I eventually couldn't take it. I just got together the money to buy myself a laptop, though, so I'm back on line ( Read more... )

My name is Reve, and I'm an unrequited love addict ( Read more... )

So I was talking to someone about the City a few days ago, and he told me he didn't like it. This sort of shocked me. He'd said this before, but I still couldn't imagine. I gave it some thought, though, and I realized I don't really like it either. I like a lot of place in the City and how easy it is to get around. I really appreciate the great ( Read more... )

It's so nice to finally be out and about again. I've had some work, which means going out to get there. It also means having a reason to leave the house otherwise. I can go buy things, treat myself to food and even go out to events ( Read more... )

Ugh. Today I can't help but miss John a little bit, at least in some ways. I'm never sure I even knew who he really was, but the little things.... I was looking at gigs on CL this morning, and one led me to this site: http://www.sexygpsshoes.com/. I don't think I know anyone who shares my ( Read more... )

Lately I've been trying to figure out exactly what it is I need to fix in myself. I've realized that a big part of my romantic issues come from the fact that I've got a fear of both commitment and abandonment. Oh, and being lied to is another huge fear. If that weren't bad enough, I'm terribly attracted to guilt and shame, as well as sociopathy. I ( Read more... )

So today I'm feeling a bit more grounded than I have been. I feel like I've just been all over lately. Well, everywhere but up. Ha. I want to say, "just shaking the glass," but I'm not sure I've even explained that analogy to anyone. I'm feeling a little more stable, though, and not quite so miserable and dysfunctional ( Read more... )

So someone said that the being crazy is doing the same thing and expecting different results...right? I'm pretty sure I just read that or heard it from someone in conversation. Maybe the reality, though, is that craziness is expecting anything from life. Craziness is believing anything can really be repeated. Nothing is ever really the same. The ( Read more... )

It's the beginning of a new year, and I need to tie up some loose ends. I emailed John about my CD's again, and he claims he'll send them as soon as he can. I don't know if I believe it, but it would be nice. As much as I sort of feared losing that last connection to him, I think I'd rather just have my CD's now. The fact that he hasn't sent them ( Read more... )

So it just dawned on me that Wellbutrin does not agree with me at all. I've been miserable, and this isn't the best time to be depressed. I just keep thinking about this past year and feeling awful about it, what it seems to say about life in general. Thinking of the new year is even worse. I have no desire to start another year. I was feeling ( Read more... )