I've dealt with death a lot in my life, but this one hit me the hardest. It's hard to explain. In fact, explaining is probably the last thing most people think about now...in this emotion. I just can't process my emotions any other way. There's one person I talk to in this state--in states similar; it's never this bad. I feel guilty, though. It's ( Read more... )

So I'm not in Virginia. I went back and forth on the trip thing because of money, but I got it together at the last minute. The friends I was planning to visit first needed to get some things together before having company. I didn't find out until the night before I was planning to go, and now I've got a suitcase full of little outfits and sex toys ( Read more... )

I'm getting so bored with New York. I'm really just sick of everything. I'm sick of late nights and early morning hangovers for nights where I did nothing but spend too much money. I'm sick of scouring Craigslist for hours a day to get responses to about ten percent of my emails for work. I'm sick of...everything ( Read more... )

I'm absolutely ridiculous. Disregard that last post, because I'm crazy. I usually feel good about the fact that I'm not generally very dramatic at all, but maybe if I could handle more real-life conversation and confrontation, I would save myself a lot of quiet freak-outs ( Read more... )

I give up.

This isn't a virtual suicide note, just me being frustrated.

Sometimes it's really hard not to get discouraged.

I'm trying not to get too excited since nothing has really happened yet, but it seems I may now have a business partner in my porn plans. He seems to have nearly all the skills I lack, plus I really love fucking him so it could work out well. We still have to figure out what we're doing in terms of location, but I'll see him soon and we'll talk ( Read more... )

I'm really hoping to find some work this week. I got my vegan food I ordered, and I treated myself to a magic wand since a friend dropped the ball on the toy auction we were supposed to split. I don't know if it's the time of year or what, but my sex drive is back to being crazy. I like that, though. Really, part of the reason I went to Four Winds ( Read more... )

I'm really frustrated. I've been back and forth in my feelings about this gig. They're looking for people to be a part of some tantra performance group, and when I checked out the organization's web site, it looked amazing. I really feel like the whole experience could offer a chance for personal growth as well as a chance to make money. I called ( Read more... )

So despite this terribly worrisome sore throat, I feel like I should talk about the good things that happened this weekend. There was a lot more to it than semi-consensual sex, and I had a lot of fun ( Read more... )

So Wednesday's Troma party was a lot of fun. It almost made up for my awful birthday. I managed to get into two DVD intros, and I have a speaking role in one. I met some fun folks, got topless on the street for some website and was asked if I knew anyone who would fuck for blow. Those were the words the guy used. I was sort of horrified for a while ( Read more... )