well.. i have been wondering. i mean most of my life i make decisions without help from my family. without help from my friends. i mean. i chose to leave u of d. i chose to leave dondero. i chose to join the navy. i chose to mess parts of my life up. and i am with this woman and i am thinking about marrying her. but i ask of you my ( Read more... )

have you ever felt like you joined something for all the right reasons only to find out that the thing you joined is more ugly than you imagined. and you are fighting everything you joined for? sometimes i feel that way. like i joined the navy to defend those i love and my country. i joined the navy to a service for my fellow americans. i ( Read more... )

so i realized something. someone reading my last journal entry would assume i am really mad at jamie. and/or i don't like her. maybe they wouldn't get that at all.. i don't know. but i am sitting here in silence just staring at the screen at the chess board where i have just cremated someone. and i realize how much my life revolves around jamie ( Read more... )

wow.. this feels like this might be my first sleepless night since i have been going out with jamie. ::sighs:: she seems like she is so right for me. then she does things to make me wonder how much i really mean to her. and then.. i dunno. like.. today right. she calls me up from the phone with her parents. really nice. very sweet. we go to ( Read more... )

have you ever woken up and looked at your reflection in the ceiling? well.. most ceilings don't reflect too well. in fact my doesn't. yet i see my reflection in the blankness of the walls. hear the shallowness of my voice when i dont speak. and i listen to the wind on a windless day. i feel the clouds over head on a sunny day. i feel the ( Read more... )

i love jamie

well... i guess i should finish up the rest of the weekend i spent with jamie and her and my family. (youi'll understand..) so.. let me slowly recall the morning. it has been a little while. but if i recall correctly. it goes something like this ( Read more... )

so.. i guess i should update some more. haha.. i will start off with saturday morning. and describe how i woke up, alone. and i really had to go the bathroom. so bad in fact i didn't want to get out of bed. (its a guy/morning thing) eventually, i could get out of bed. so i did, and i went upstairs into the bathroom. then i heard an alarm. ( Read more... )

i don't know what it is something about the air something about this city. something makes me so sad and so lonely. ::sighs:: well i went home last weekend. and i saw jamie and my brother mark. it was nice. so so nice. i wish it wouldn't have ended. i wish i could go back there again and hang out with my friends. and see my brother. but ( Read more... )

ack. blah. narf norp nerk nich. eek. egreck. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. humph. i can't say or express anything. gah. my mind is like swiss cheese. its so anoying. i want to rip my head off my shoulders and throw it accross the street. i want to stomp on it, and kick it down the stairs. i want to take a hatchet and go to town. ::shrugs:: ( Read more... )