I talked to my brother for the first time today in about 15 years; his voice sounds almost exactly the same as I remember. I talked to his wife, too. It was a technologically challenged call, cell phone to cell phone with fritzy patches. Tomorrow we're planning to touch base on land lines.

This news article is about my mother's death. Details are ( Read more... )

It only occurred to me later that, given my recent trend of posts, my last one might read like a fragment of craziness from a fracturing brain. But it's not. It really happened. I don't have any details yet. I gave my brother my phone number to call me; I suspect he's been at the funeral this afternoon. His wife said it was planned for today ( Read more... )

I just got on e-mail after an absence of a week or more. My brother and his wife had both sent me e-mails. About a week ago my mother's second husband of the last twenty years murdered her and committed suicide. I need to write this down and now I need to get offline and do I don't even know what ( Read more... )

I'm sorry I'm not posting more. My energy level dropped quite a bit and I haven't been feeling tip-top. On a particularly bad day I got worked up and crosshatched the back of my left wrist with cuticle clippers; not typical and not serious, and overall not a particularly constructive response to frustration. My case manager at the shelter helped me ( Read more... )

I guess I plateaued on my meds; I've been feeling biochemically challenged the past several days. I have to believe that dysfunctional neurochemicals are at play, because otherwise I ascribe it all to defecits in character--I feel churlish and tacky for not expressing my thanks to people in more direct and verbal ways, and lazy for not writing in ( Read more... )

Toni is definitely talking--not on the phone to someone else, but not to herself either. I only wish I knew what the other end was saying back.

Toni: "They're trying to set me on fire but I don't feel pain."

Unknown: "..."

Toni: "No--no, it's not sexual."

Unknown: "..."

Toni: "We're all going to die for this." (followed by great hilarity)
I ( Read more... )

I finally braved the shower at the shelter this morning. I've been squeaking by for a week on modified whore's baths and sink shampoos, more or less adequately I think, but there's a limit. The shower stalls are dungeon-like, but the water was hot, and with flip-flops on it wasn't the tragic experience I'd feared ( Read more... )

I'm going through comments now and it's lovely to read them. As I just wrote elsewhere, writing and getting responses helps me feel connected and safer. Like I haven't totally fallen off the grid. I've been isolating myself (or "self-isolating" to use psych-speak) for a long time. I've been so alone, largely of my own making, and the loneliness has ( Read more... )

I've put off reading LJ comments and e-mail the last few days. I've had some errands that involve complex itineraries of bus routes and walking and timing. Complex for me right now anyway. The walking parts are good for me, but I haven't been sleeping well and I'm trailing a sleep debt around behind me like a limp binky ( Read more... )

Just posting on the fly again to say I haven't had a chance to read comments to yesterday's post, but I look forward to it. :) I've just realized I have to go back to the shelter to get some stuff in preparation for a doctor's appointment today.

::waves::