Story time!

Once there was this girl. To protect her identity, let's call her.... The Reel Billy. Anyways, this girl was constantly flirting with and hitting on a guy we'll call him Elcock. Finally Elcock decided the day had arrived where he would take her up on her advances, and they started hanging out after work almost every night. So this ( Read more... )

 
So I work at Time Warner as a Customer Service Slave, answering phones and dealing with the typical ignorance of the population. To get a better idea of a normal phone call that I tackle, about 200 of them a day, I went to the effort of transcribing one for you (my loving fans):

me:  "Thank you for calling Time Warner Cable Warner Cable, How ( Read more... )

 
That's the terminology the use in urology. Back in November for my birthday I gave myself the gift that keeps giving: a vasectomy! And 5 months later it is confirmed that it took. My spooge (although high in protein, flavor, and satisfaction) has absolutely 0 calories or sperm!

Rejoice, my groupies, rejoice!

~Elrick

NOTE: This is the "condensed" version. For the expanded version please see Dr. Wetzler's book, pages 35-37 ( Read more... )

 
So many of the people I meet have been wondering and asking, "How exactly are you such a badass? Were you born with it, or is it a skill that you have developed over time?" Well the answer is both. It takes alot of blood, sweat, and beers to get to where I am today. But also it's true that I was given a head start from the womb. You see, some ( Read more... )

Well folks, I was surfing the web for.. um.. nevermind that, but anyways I came across this shocker ( Read more... )

 
Here's some more things people say to me sometimes, that really pisses me off.

"I'm Sorry"
No you're not! You can't bullshit me, bullshitter. If you were really sorry you wouldn't have done whatever it was you did that pissed me off in the first place. If you were really sorry you wouldn't have done whatever it is you did to me that you now claim ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

 
Everyone has a few choice words, phrases, or sentences that piss them off. I have all of the above, and some paragraphs too. Here's a short list of some of the things that piss me off that I hear:

"Have a nice day"
What the hell? Every time I go into a store or through the drive thru, I get this load of shit as I'm leaving. Do you really care how ( Read more... )

Again, all apologies for the recent lack of timely updates. Been kind of... well forgetting to do this. Until naturally I get bombarded* with emails and calls asking why I've been silent.

Anyways, Last weekend was my big move. Yep, I moved out of Louisville and into Canton. Whatever it was big to me. Things are looking sweet. I've never once in my ( Read more... )