I'm tired tonight. Didn't sleep last night- it was a combination of things but mostly because I felt shitty about Tinu and about my future, and generally didn't want to be me. I want to get these projects off the ground, but where the fuck is everyone? Charlie is as elusive as ever and I am getting increasingly annoyed with this format of 'well now ( Read more... )

There must be a way in which I can combat how I feel right now. I know that I’m just premenstrual- that my environment is getting me down. I’m at home but there’s no food in the house because mum doesn’t eat properly and Sam doesn’t live here anymore, and dad is always at work ( Read more... )

it has come to a point where I think that I'm ready to let go of a large proportion of the shit. It's the middle of the storytelling festival and my jaw is permanently set in half-stressed worry to the point where i wake up, teeth ground to gums, aching face from anxious sleep. I think this may be too much of a project for me to have tried to ( Read more... )

Oh, what was the point anyway ( Read more... )

Right. For some reason the James Frey (a million little pieces) is acting as an aid to calm me down. It might also be the sun and lounging around on Primrose Hill with Joel, and having access to loads of food and fruit at home. I should have left last night but we stayed out in camden til eleven and I decided not to make a break for Victoria ( Read more... )

It’s getting so hot and muggy by the sea, and it has occurred to me that everything I own clothes-wise is designed for layering, not to create the thinnest barrier possible between me and the world. I feel a lot more settled than I have been, with two weeks to breathe easy and worry about little asides from money and my results. I just wish to pass ( Read more... )

I am panicking. I’m finding it very hard to find ways to extract myself from this situation. I think the easiest way to put it is stuck, and I also feel that wherever I want to turn to for solace is either bored, tired or problematic- without complication. This is very annoying. Tins is stressed and exhausted. I am, quite frankly, quite pissed off ( Read more... )

Yeh, i’m avoiding doing my essay. And what ( Read more... )

I’m suddenly really excited and really interested in this idea, because it gives me such joy and I’m searching for a foothold, for a place to nudge myself in and for some ambition. I am so sick and tired of being bored of stuff and feeling pressurised to be adult all the time and to veiw things with a certain amount of cynical reverence ( Read more... )

There’s a break in the clouds which I feel privileged to notice. It is serving as a metaphor for the sudden simplicity with which I feel I’m now able to function. As much as our relationship is confusing for us as well as those who take it upon themselves to talk about it, it’s evolving in interesting loops and with gentle trial and error. It’s a ( Read more... )