What is a normal power dynamic between adult children and their parents? I feel like there is a massive power imbalance in our family. I feel like I have no say and even if I did voice my opinions, they would be disregarded at best or disparaged at worst.

It’s a one way street.

Sure, they keep saying they’ll respect what I have to say and that they ( Read more... )

Yup, 2019. Still here.

Ok, gonna leave that loser energy in 2018. This year is gonna be no holds barred let’s fuck shit up. Not gonna hide my toxicity behind thin veil of civility. All toxic all the time. Unrepentant. Unapologetic. 100% no fucks given.

2019 is eat rotten fruit from shitty tree year. Fuck yeah.

like seriously. fuck feelings. they make everything 5000x more complicated and 500x worse than they have to be.

i hate being "functional human being" me. it's fucking exhausting and doesn't even work 50% of the time. it especially doesn't work when i need it to. just let me be the sentient dumpster fire/dead dove do not eat/fucking pissbaby shinji ( Read more... )

First, obviously still alive.

Second, my bad. Like, I really meant to keep updating throughout the year last year, but idk, firefox (my main browser) was being a bitch and keeps breaking LJ for some reason. So, I finally got my arse into gear to try on Chrome and voila!

So, now I have no less excuses not to update.

Anyway, 2018 off to a fucking ( Read more... )

yes, survived into 2017. despite all indications.

( Mental health: tw suicidal ideation )

Since I started taking anti-depressants (SSRI, sertraline ( Read more... )

I don't want to do this anymore. I'm so tired.

Please, I can't do this anymore. Let me sleep and never wake up. I hate how tenaciously my body clings to life. Just fucking die, you piece of shit.

I'm sick of waking only to resent having survived to exist for another day. Give this life to someone more worthy. Someone who will cherish and appreciate ( Read more... )

I don't know who I am anymore. I used to know. Or at least have a better sense of me. I was becoming. Honing myself into something sharper, more elegant and lethal. Something terrible and beautiful. Something with claws and fangs, that was willing to fight and kill for survival ( Read more... )

I cannot go a week without randomly bursting into tears or having a panic attack or experiencing the most acute sense of existential crisis.
It's like a bomb goes off inside my soul and shatters the fortresses/compartments I've built to repress everything.

I don't know how to fix it. I need help.

For the first time in a month (I think--I've lost track), I finally listened to music in my soundcloud playlist; music that I personally liked and picked--something that belonged entirely to me and me only. For the first time in a while, I listened to music that wasn't dictated by what was on the radio, television or the CDs in our house. It's ( Read more... )