I've always been an LJ loyalist, but for some reason it's no longer satisfying.  I'm giving blogger a try.

Why does it hurt so much?  Why can I never say what I mean?  You are the answer to so much; you mange to mollify it all.  Yet, yet I can never get enough and what hurts the most isn't the desperate craving for intimacy.  That I'm used to.  I'm used to not getting true security or comfort.  I'm used to the not kissing.  (what is that by the way?)  ( Read more... )

Something's got to give and it's not going to be my sanity ( Read more... )

Fuck you.  Fuck you because I can feel it all bubbling up inside again.  I know where this is going, but I have no way of stopping it.  I care too damn much.  I want to be loved too damn much.  I am all too willing to put myself out there with the expectation of failure.  Fuck you for not being a blatant callous asshole because then I could simply ( Read more... )

I have no idea why I feel so exhausted.  I have done nothing out of the ordinary.  In fact, I have been sleeping more recently that I have in a while, at least 9 hours the past 2 nights plus naps.  I feel vaugley like I did when I had mono.  I feel like I've been hit by a bus and it take a great amount of momentum for me to get up and do anything ( Read more... )

He's not over her.  She's not over him.  and tonight my belief that we haven't progressed past middle school when it comes to social interaction was reaffirmed once again.  But despite it all, this is exactly where I want to be.

I'm trying so hard right now not to be a stupid girl. I'm trying to just live life and to not be jealous of people who have things that I'm not even sure I want. What do I want right now? That is the question in life that needs perpetual examination. I know what I want in the immediate future. Be less zitty. Loose five more pounds. Clean my ( Read more... )

When I say that nothing has changed, I realize that absolutely nothing has changed.  I'm right back where I was before, only this time the words are even harder to come up with because things are stickier, and greyer, and more confusing, and more ambiguous.  I don't know what to say because the words I want to say are completely wrong.  They are ( Read more... )

History is once again repeating it's self.  Nothing about the situation has changed, except for the part where the one real barrier is gone.  It's a countdown to what, I don't know.  But I can feel it happening it again.  I'm thinking about him again.  I'm missing his physical presence.  I just don't want to get hurt this time.

Sometimes girls night in is just what the doctor ordered.   Chinese because we're too lazy to go out in the cold and rain.  Movies because there's never anything good on tv.  Tarot cards because boys suck.  Plus schnuggeling and popcorn and snack packs ( Read more... )