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I wrote this around 5 am on Wednesday morning when I should have been sleeping; but I am okay with it, and I am okay with the fact that I overslept and missed my class, because I realized something really important about myself.

10/9.
I have devoted so much time and energy and effort in my life, mostly unconsciously, to fight, to numb, to run away ( Read more... )

During one of the many general life conversations I had on my brother's wedding day (this past Saturday, the 8th), a family member expressed to me how it was such a shame that so many people go through life with talents and skills that they never use. She thought it was so great how I wasn't wasting mine, and I'm going to school to follow my dream ( Read more... )

I hate monotony I hate working so much I hate being busy all the fucking time I hate my time management skills I hate stupidity I hate teenagers I hate that weird soreness/swelling in my lymph node I hate planning for school I hate being lonely I hate attracting all the attention I don't want I hate when I complain like this I hate growing up I ( Read more... )

DAMMIT STOP I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME AND I CAN TELL THEY'RE STILL THERE AND FUCK

I don't think it's a good sign that I'm looking at all of these class offerings and thinking, "Why the fuck would I ever need to know how to do that? And why should I pay $2000 to learn skills I doubt I will ever use just to get a credit?"

An idea ( Read more... )

I go out at night, on impulse, and it feels like a movie. I love it.

It feels so good to be out in the world, responsible (somewhat) for myself. It feels so good to be a car-ride away from whatever I want. It feels so good to have family who are understanding and helpful. It feels so good not to depend on any person for my happiness ( Read more... )

I feel no urge to be making art, other than my mind nagging me to do so because I'm supposed to be an "artist" and I probably should create something.

It's the same problem as usual-- tons of ideas, lack of motivation to execute them. Except I'm happy right now, even though I haven't really created anything in...months. Normally that wouldn't feel ( Read more... )