as is typical for me to do during difficult times, i've been evaluating my relationships a lot lately. specifically i've been thinking about fair weather friends. i'm learning that i have a lot more fair weather friends than i initially realized. at first i was surprised by this, but upon closer examination of my histories with these friends i ( Read more... )

i can feel myself healing. i can feel myself getting stronger and regaining my balance ( Read more... )

it's really slapped me in the face since matt died that all these events and people i've been missing and still consider to be definitive aspects of my identity are two years removed from my life today. i haven't hugged brennan in a year and a half. i met matt two years ago. i saw liza for the first time in a year a few weekends ago. sussman hasn't ( Read more... )

boston this weekend. saw some people i forgot how much i cared about, saw some other people i never knew but understood immediately why matt loved them so much. got drunk after his service and sang 'when the saints go marching in' while dancing down the street. other people were with me but i was the only one singing or dancing. fuck it. matt was ( Read more... )

this month has been tumultuous, to say the least. between matt's death, tom's hearing (and sentencing), OHNOESSNOWMAGEDDON!!!, my girl-crush kitara getting engaged, and the bullshit that comes with taking a course overload....i've sort of gone into this existential tailspin where all i can think is "what if i die at 25?" and....i just thought i ( Read more... )

i'm such a brat sometimes. it's probably good that i keep most of my thoughts to myself.

i won't pretend to always know what he's talking about, but i always feel compelled to save our conversations ( Read more... )

crying with cookies has turned into peanut butter and loud music.

and crying, but not as much.

Rest in Peace, Matthew Lynn Holland ( Read more... )

i'm slowly turning into one of those people that makes everything themselves. friends are going to come over and i'm going to offer them some tea from plants i grew and dried myself but then i'm going to get confused and serve them from the pot i was cooking up some all natural lotion in, and i'll offer them a basket i wove underwater from sticks i ( Read more... )