Am utterly distraught at thought of poor Darling in dire straits, without me to rescue him! Even worse is thought of missing chance to see him in Japanese rope bondage!

Wonder if he was nude at the time! Ah! Agony and nosebleeds! What grudge does Fate hold against me, to wreak such havoc on my poor, aesthetically-deprived heart?

Just out of curiosity... has anyone seen eberbach since his last post?

Of course! Why didn't I see it before? eberbach was called "Potato Klaus" by his childhood peers for a reason! I've been trying to seduce him with the WRONG vegetable entirely!

Be patient, my darling! I'm off to find the biggest, longest, most gorgeous potato *ever*!

Major took one look at me and fabulous cucumber, then shrieked like a girl and tore back up the stairs to his room, obviously overcome with desire to take cucumber for a test run right *now*! Go, me!

Patience, my half-naked darling! I won't leave you wanting for long!

Party at Schloss and I was not invited? How could they think of having a party without *ME*? Party without me is no more entertaining than Bucharest on a Monday night! Boys all drunk as lords, Klaus's butler is prancing around like some kind of idiot fop when not face-down on the floor in drunken stupor, and even BONHAM is participating in this ( Read more... )

I come home from horrifying ordeal of ladies' rest room anticipating a little tender loving care and perhaps some masculine attention to counteract horror of all that femininity, and what do I find? Whole place empty, door ajar, note on refrigerator that says, "Sorry, your Lordship, but we got an offer we couldn't refuse ( Read more... )

Well! Finally got loose from handcuffs, though took much longer than should have been necessary due to distracting presence of screaming girls and their... girl things! Horror! Don't mind dressing up every now and then, but NO man of my leaning should be confronted with an eyeful of *that ( Read more... )

Don't understand. One minute have lovely Mister A over my shoulder and am planning enjoyable time nursing poor dear back to health. Next minute am faced with terrifying Der Spike ( Read more... )

My God! One moment I'm cheerfully carrying that sweet Mr. A up to my room to apply some of my best healing techniques, and the next moment I discover I've somehow ended up with Der Spike instead ( Read more... )

Was walking along in the general direction of the Major's office, minding my own business and of course not planning anything naughty, when who should I happen to stumble across but exhausted Herr A? Poor dear seems to have caught the brunt of the Major's temper--again--and looks to be on the verge of collapse ( Read more... )