i dont deserve anything i have. i dont deserve ashton as a boyfriend, or lindsey kelsey courtney n sara as friends. how could i have gotten these people in my life. i love all so much, but what have i done? i love ashton so much, hes everything that makes sence in my life. lindsey kelsey courtney n sara...their always there for me. i know that ( Read more... )

its tuesday morning, 9:17 and im up. ugh. i dont know what to believe anymore, who to trust. i love ashton so much. but im afraid of getting hurt. when we first met, i remember it so well, he IMed with his "women problems". So i helped, cause i knew how it felt and no one should ever have to feel that way. so for the next few nights i kept talking ( Read more... )

so..this weekend was pretty good overall. few things happened that i wasnt happy about..but what can ya do. friday was the shit. had a party with. there were 40 people here at one point. funny shit happened. sadnick fell down the stairs, idunno who it was but someone got down there and we have this maxeene thing, i have no clue how we got it and ( Read more... )

so the past few days have just been...blah. nothing good coming out of it..nothing bad. just the usual shit. today was our last day; thank god, but im gonna miss pcs. anywho. theres like a shitload of people here; probably the biggest party we've ever had here. me n lindsey are definately partying it up:D haha. already chugged a corona, got a bud ( Read more... )

it doesnt even matter anymore. i just want you to be happy. if it means leaving me, fine. you deserve the best. all i can say is that i tried my best to be what you needed; and if im not right, its fine. just know that i'll always love you...forever. but please; think of all the things i've said, and in the end if its not enough..i'll understand..

( Read more... )

im so sick of everything. people in general. i dont know how to explain to him that i love him. he just doesnt understand; and its not fair. i need to talk to him, but i dont know how. it just seems to late to save us..again. i mean we were alright yesterday after we talked, but then i guess the thought i liked someone else, and i dont, and no ( Read more... )

tyeah, im in school and im fed up with this fuckin project so ..yeah. im really worried. i dont want this to be the end. im just afraid that this time talking about it wont save us. im trying so hard to be everything for you; i just wish that it was enough. i hope its not to late to save us, ashton i love you so much..

wont you open up your ( Read more... )

friday was the field trip. it was pretty good for the most part. i spent about 30-35 $ on insense..hehe. it relaxes me. i got 2 rings..but i kinda lost one on the bus when i fell asleep. damn. i came home n just passed out. i woke up at fuckin 8:30 on saturday cause my dad was fuckin vacuuming the hallway. fag. so i got up and just sat down and ( Read more... )

well..apparently i was given wrong information or something. ashton went to the hospital..came home..and went back. hes fine now, and i hope is stays that way. i cried when i heard about what they saw..i could just picture him. i just hope hes alright. when i thought he died..i fuckin cried. i mean...CRIED. i couldnt stop the tears that night. i ( Read more... )

aghh. i can't take this. its killing me. i have about 200 spirits here with me..in this little room. it sounds crazy. i know. but i do. usually its only about 50-100..like 67 about. i have this little couple thats in the corner, there 7 years old and they died together. they just sit in the corner and stare into eachothers eyes. i can feel how much ( Read more... )