Sometimes wank makes the world an infinitely happier place

[esorlehcar]

Oh, my god, I need a Jensen version of this icon. I don't think this fresh bit of crazy (courtesy of wank_report) quite lives up to the original "Elijah Wood is my personal lord and savior" essay, but it comes pretty close. It's titled Why Jensen Ackles Matters: A Study in Fiction and Meta, and it encompasses, as the author helpfully explains at

Comments

[walkawayslowly]

OMG I'm CRYING WITH THE HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER.

What with only HOT people liking Jensen, and his TRANQUIL GREEN EYES THAT ARE SOMEHOW LIKE THE SEA, and... and... I mean. The mind boggles, I can't even... what do you SAY to that? It's so HILARIOUS and SCARY at the same time!

[esorlehcar]

I know, god. Do you laugh? Do you curl up in a ball and rock back and forth while quietly moaning to yourself? Do you just start counting the days until Jensen locks himself in an armed fortress with a moat to escape the crazy?

[walkawayslowly]

But they're, like, spiritually married on the astral plane or something, aren't they? I mean, aren't they BFFs? Why would he be running from her? SHE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND!!!

I feel like you should have to pass some kind of crazy litmus test to be allowed into fandom. Or the internet.

[kibebe]

The comments to her "fine book" are just as amusing. Jensen Ackles the enigma.

This whole thing is awesomely hysterical.

[esorlehcar]

Oh, man, I didn't even look at the comments. I'm kind of frightened to.

[balefully]

The worst part is that I AM ENTIRELY SURE THAT HE IS GOING TO END UP SEEING THAT, ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. And I just want to die on behalf of everyone involved. Ugh.

DO NOT WANT.

[esorlehcar]

Dude, she's one of the PEJTA people. She's probably going to make several hundred copies and hand them out at his next convention.

[esorlehcar]

Heh, that was a typo, actually... it's PETJA, which stands (stood?) for People for the Ethical Treatment of Jensen Ackles. It was a web site and community created by icymorning, which, among other things, declared that he was functionally illiterate (in large part because he once used the word "unpossible" in an interview -- apparently no one involved had any idea that it was a Simpsons reference), attacked his family, attacked every girlfriend he's ever had in charmingly misogynistic terms, apparently posted his telephone number at one point, and was just generally a shining example of all that is good and green in fandom. This was all done supposedly to make fun of people who take Jensen too seriously

[morebliss]

Elijah & Jensen should get together to breed the perfect fandom baby.

[esorlehcar]

What happens when two gods breed? Do we get a shiny new breed of super god, or does the world implode from the weight of sheer perfection?

[blacklid]

More like Mork. Or what's his name.

[esorlehcar]

That's always the best thing about the internet -- you realize how sane you and you friends truly are. Although, much of this essay is dedicated to how sane the author and her like-minded friends are, unlike the rest of fandom lunatics, so... um. I got nothing.