I saw Brokeback Mountain yesterday, and it really was just as good as everyone said it was. A gutwrenchingly emotional story, breathtaking scenery, heartbreaking music...I can't get that movie out of my head!One annoying thing I noticed was that audience members laughed at a lot of things that weren't really funny, probably to show how tolerant ( Read more... )

I haven't been posting lately because thinking about my body fills me with so much hatred and disgust I can barely will myself to move. I've had a few small binges so far this year (including today, when I ate over 1000 calories less than 30 minutes after waking up), but mostly I'm just too depressed about the state of things to start eating ( Read more... )

I'll update for real tommorrow, but some of these were pretty good:

Okay, so I haven't posted in almost a month. Things haven't been going well for me. I thought Thanksgiving break would help me escape the binge cycle, since it's hard to eat compulsively when you're in a hotel room without food, but my cat died shortly after we got home from vacation-- which brought back the habit I had never truly been able to ( Read more... )

I'm feeling yucky because I just ate two completely unnecessary pieces of chocolate, but I'm otherwise fine. Today went relatively well; I ate 790 calories but only burned 115 because it was a pilates day.

I'm too tired to type much else.

I've been eating 700-1000 calories for the last few days (maybe even more today!), which is enough to make me feel like a fat piece of shit. What's the point in trying anymore? Over the past year, I've gained 15 pounds, and I can't lose anything despite eating well under my BMR. I seem doomed to a lifetime of frustration and mediocrity. Forgive ( Read more... )

Recently I've been musing on how far I've come in the last few years and how much better my life is. Despite the whole eating disorder thing, I'm still a hundred times happier than I was three years ago. Freshman year was, without a doubt, the worst year in my life. I was suicidal ALL the time. No matter where I went, I was plotting ways to ( Read more... )

Okay, I'm sleepy, so this won't be much of an entry.

Today was fine. I ate 675 calories but didn't exercise, because I had to cart my brother from place to place and then I babysat. Yesterday I didn't exercise either, but I only had 645 calories. Wednesday was just a stupid day; I ate 860 calories and only burned 115 doing pilates.

I'm feeling sort of shitty right now, due to general feelings of loneliness and nostalgia, not food intake. That wasn't fantastic either, though. I had 735 calories today and exercised away 570 of them. Yesterday is where I really messed up. I don't know how many calories I ate (more than 1000 but less than 1500), but my only exercise was a 30- ( Read more... )

Eh. Today was bad by my normal standards, but good in comparison to yesterday. I didn't exercise at all, and I ate 890 calories. 300 of those came from cookies because I was babysitting and the kids wanted to cook. A large part of it had to do with the fact that their father always lectures me on how I'm "too skinny," which is completely not ( Read more... )