Last night I went to a strip club with Sanyo. I don't know what happened but somehow I woke up in a puddle with a note that implied that somehow my strange but true tales of Europe had convinced Sanyo to try to get to Bucharest. I can't seem to find him; he doesn't have enough for a ticket so I'm afraid that he's on an underground railroad sort of ( Read more... )

Cake... was a bad idea. Have eaten too many pastries; Europe is so full of them... that cabbage pastry has haunted me for days and I am not sure if it actually had cabbage in it. If it did, it probably had a tape worm as well... now with that cake, Jesus, I'm praying to you that you give me the birthday gift of a bowel movement that doesn't feel ( Read more... )

The lovely citizens of London made me this extrordinary cake for my birthday! A national holiday was declared, schools shut down, banks closed, and everyone gathered in the street to wish me well and bring me gifts of wine and fine cheeses.


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As it has been a slow morning I have found time for reflection. Foremost on my mind... Japan... which, in retrospect, could have been a hallucination. Now it appears less vivid, I still have no explanation for how I could have gotten there, and the drug angle would explain my massive paranoia and displeasure at being there, especially given my ( Read more... )

PS; I did not get blown up the second go-round on the trains, even through I am in the British Isle. I was holding my head between my hands down at the Sussex Fish Bar (which, at the right angle, the sign says the "sex fish bar"), pondering having my eleventh pint, or visiting one of their fine WC's ( Read more... )

English Pubs are great, my superior american cigarettes and kickass dart skills have made me popular with the locals. Though I wish it wasn't their custom to pick up my chair and parade me around while singing loudly, as it is rather painful when they drop me (which they do often because I have yet to see a sober person in this country over the ( Read more... )

HOW THE FUCK DID I GET TO JAPAN????

Paris France is ugly like the Ass ( Read more... )

The French have a saying, "folie de pâtisserie", which roughly translates to "pastry madness". A surprising amount of Parisians suffer from this and today I was unfortunate enough to encounter one of them...


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