Open Your Eyes, 3/5. NC-17
Title: Open Your Eyes
Series: #11 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Natasha/OFC mentioned, Natasha/Fandral/Loki
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warning for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and references to torture.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting and characterization discussion. :)
Summary: As Ambassador to Asgard, nobility didn't expect Natasha to be much more than a figurehead or diplomat. That very much was not her way, especially not when there was a mystery that needed to be solved.
Prior chapter:
One - Return To Asgard
Two - The Investigation Begins
Three - Appearances
Natasha looked at Loki critically as she undid the layers of robe and dress. Her movements were slow, almost creaky as she removed the soft pants she wore. "Hey. C'mere," she said, gesturing for Loki to come to the bed.
Loki's full lips quirked as she moved to comply. "I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I'm not in the mood for you to take me to bed."
Laughing, she gestured for Loki to come closer. "That's not what this is about, Loki. Being a domme isn't always about sex. It's about giving you what you need."
She frowned as she sat down on the bed where Natasha indicated. "What do you mean?"
"It isn't just about sex. Yeah, that's sometimes what you need. Getting off is fun, it clears the head, you have a moment where you don't need to think." Natasha pulled Loki's feet into her lap and started to methodically rub one of them. "But it isn't always sex. It's taking care of you, of knowing what you need and giving it to you."
There was a soft whimper as Natasha worked into a sore spot on the ball of her foot. Natasha gave her a soft smile, and Loki sucked in a breath. "And with my sore feet, this is how best you can care for me?" she asked softly.
"One of the ways," Natasha murmured, still working on her foot. "You see, I also knew that in our deal, you needed the appearance of being dominant."
"Appearance!" Loki cried, jerking her foot. Natasha held on tightly, pressing her thumbs into that sore spot and making her hiss. "It was no appearance."
"Of course it was. Haven't you figured it out yet? The difference between when you take control and when I do?"
Loki frowned at Natasha. "There's the mode of sex, I suppose."
"Oh, please. Haven't you been listening? It's not about the sex."
As much as it obviously galled her to say it, after a while Loki sighed and said "I don't understand what you mean."
"I know. When you take control, you fuck me senseless. It's not about what I need, it's about making me come. Those times are giving you what you need, giving you the sense that you control me, that I'm the helpless human at your command." Natasha kneaded the arch of Loki's foot as she froze in place, confusion on her face. "But when I'm in control, I give you peace that you need. I give you that moment where you don't hate yourself, where it doesn't matter what will happen next, because you know I'll take care of you. You trust me implicitly then, that I'll know what to do, and you don't have to hurt anymore."
"Yes," Loki whispered, sounding almost ashamed.
"That's being a good domme, Loki. That's why you're not very good at it, honestly, and why as much as you'd like to rule a realm someday, it won't work out. Because if you can't take care of one person's needs, how can you take care of millions? Billions?" Natasha leaned back a bit and switched to Loki's other foot as she shivered, eyes falling to Natasha's hands in shame. "It might not fit the culture on Asgard, but elsewhere there's no shame in admitting where your limits are. There's only so far you can push them, really."
"I was a prince. What else do they do but rule? And you say I'm not capable."
"Not as you are, no."
Loki's eyes shot up to Natasha's serene expression. "You think me capable, then?"
"When you grow the fuck up," Natasha replied matter-of-factly. Her smile softened the sting of her words, just as she knew they would. Loki was in a vulnerable state, more suggestible than usual. She probably wasn't used to merely following around and paying attention, leaving her more exhausted than usual. "You're already better at keeping your temper."
"You would hardly consort with me if I hurt you again," Loki huffed.
"And it's nice that you stopped with the gendered insults and rape threats or attempts." Natasha dug into a sore part of Loki's foot, making her hiss. "Perhaps in this form you understand why that isn't a very nice thing to do."
"I wasn't trying to be nice to you then," Loki pouted. "I didn't like you. I was angry with you. You hurt me and you didn't care."
"And at that point, you'd already killed innocent people and taken over the mind of my friend," Natasha replied, voice even. She didn't even take pleasure in the wince Loki made when she dug into the sore spot again. "Did you really think I'd like you or thank you for that?"
"You never answer when I ask you why you uphold this bargain with me," Loki said instead of answering. The answer was obvious, anyway. "Why would you do such a thing if I hurt you so much? If I am so evil?"
"I have answered. There's something between us. And I think you should have the choice about what to do next. Do you try to make up for the evil you've done? Or do you spit in the face of those who would try to help you if you asked for it?"
"I'm a monster," Loki murmured softly, eyes falling from Natasha's. She could only assume it was her internalized hatred and shame again. "I'm not capable of good. I try, but I fail at it."
"You're just learning what good is, Loki," Natasha murmured. "And even if you are a monster, which I find debatable, that doesn't mean you don't still have a choice. Monsters aren't always mindless creatures, you know."
"Of course they are," Loki disagreed. "Even your precious Bruce Banner, his monster simply destroys things."
"You really weren't paying attention three and a half years ago, were you?" Natasha scoffed, letting Loki's foot drop into her lap. "He destroyed Chitauri in the city. Yes, there was some damage to buildings, it couldn't be helped. But he didn't go after them deliberately. Even before that, in Harlem, he destroyed buildings but it wasn't for the sake of destroying them. He wasn't an animal. He was trying to contain and stop the Abomination."
Loki frowned, processing this. "Banner doesn't like his other self."
"Do you like yours?"
Surprised, Loki jerked and stared at Natasha. "What do you mean?"
"You see yourself as either a charmer or a monster. You can't see yourself as both, that you simply are who you are, capable of being whatever the occasion calls for it. That's what I've been trying to tell you with the ledger concept. You're capable of more than just monstrous things. You aren't only the boogeyman they all make you out to be."
Unbidden, tears sprang to Loki's eyes. "Why are you so kind to me? I gave you no cause for this, no reason to care for me."
"No, you haven't."
"I would give you a world, if I could. But I don't know what you want of me."
"Sure you do. That you find peace."
Peace. That seemed to startle Loki, and Natasha felt she had pushed the goddess far enough. She pushed off of the bed and went to the bathroom, starting a scented bath in the decadent tub. "You can come in with me, if you want," she called, pouring in the scented oils. Other cut crystal bottles sat around the edge of the large tub, a claw-footed thing made from stone and glazed with a stylized floral pattern. It was large enough for three people to fit into comfortably, rather like a small Jacuzzi without the jets.
Loki paused at the entrance to the bathroom, appearing uncertain. Natasha didn't think she had rattled her that much, but she could be wrong. In some ways, Loki seemed almost more fragile as a woman. Perhaps because now she wasn't trying so hard put on a tough façade.
"It's all right," Natasha murmured, starting to remove her dress and kirtle. She stood at the edge of the tub, gloriously naked, and started to step into it. "Obviously, it's large enough to share. And we've done a lot of walking today. It's been a long day. Time to relax."
There was a soft sigh that escaped Loki as she entered the bathroom, shedding the last of her clothes. Natasha thought it was a rather relieved sound, that Natasha wasn't saying these things to her in hatred. She leaned back against the stone and shut off the taps, letting the water soak into her muscles. It was just shy of too hot for comfort, and Loki winced a little as she stepped into the tub as well. Natasha pulled her in farther, making her gasp and whimper, and let Loki lie with her back against Natasha's chest. "There you go," she murmured when she felt the tension leave Loki's body. "That's it."
Loki whimpered a little, her hands on Natasha's knees. "Your touch..."
Natasha skimmed the fingers of both hands across Loki's stomach. "What about it?"
"I desire you," Loki whispered. "I think I always will, no matter what form I take."
Leaning her head forward a little, Natasha nipped Loki's earlobe. "What do you propose to do about it, then?"
"I desire you," Loki whispered again. "And I need you, Natasha. I need this, whatever this is between us." Her breath caught when Natasha moved one hand to cup a full breast and the other to juncture of her thighs. "Would you have me? Would you keep me?"
"I've already told you," Natasha replied, shifting her head so that she could take Loki's earlobe between her teeth and tug gently. "You're mine."
"Please," Loki whimpered, her hands tight on Natasha's thighs. "Take me."
"Take you where?" Natasha teased, bringing the fingers of her right hand to brush against Loki's dark curls. "You're too sore to keep walking around Asgard right now."
"N-no," Loki stammered, shimmying around a little. Natasha didn't play along with that, refusing to pinch her nipple or slide her fingers into Loki's center. "Fuck me," she whispered, letting her head fall back against Natasha's shoulder. Her eyes were shut and her breathing was shallow. "Please, Natasha. I want it so much."
Natasha pinched her nipple sharply, making her cry out. "Do you think you deserve it?"
"I don't know," Loki murmured, eyes still shut. "I try so hard, but I don't know if it's good enough to please you. I want to please you, Natasha. I want you proud of me." Her voice broke, and tears slid out from beneath her closed eyelids. "I don't know if you can be."
Stroking her breast with one hand, Natasha slid her fingers along Loki's folds with her other hand. "You try so hard, Loki," she purred, knowing the voice would send her into paroxysms of desire. She smiled and pressed her lips against Loki's temple as she slid two fingers inside of Loki, the heel of her hand rubbing against her clit. "I like that you try for me."
Loki whimpered and lifted one hand to reach behind her to touch Natasha and stroke the back of her head. "Are you proud of me?" she asked, her voice breaking.
Natasha kissed her cheek and stroked her breast at the same time she started sliding her fingers in and out. "Yes, Loki, I am." The words made Loki open her eyes in relief, her body sagging against Natasha's. The expression on her face was utter vulnerability, and for a moment Natasha was frightened that this was going to go too far. Loki had evil tendencies, could be selfish and unthinking and downright cruel. Loki had committed atrocities without even thinking about it, destroyed without any concern about the consequences.
And she was also very, very broken. She was like the lost souls that once populated the Red Room, vying for the attention of indifferent and even crueler masters.
Throwing her leg over Loki's, Natasha drew it to side, giving herself easier access to finger Loki and pump into her slick heat. Loki whimpered and writhed, her body draped across Natasha as if she could melt inside of her. Natasha listened to her whimper, alternating the rhythm and angle of her thrusting fingers. She stroked and rubbed Loki's breast, working her until her cries reached a crescendo indicating she came. Even then, Natasha didn't relent. "You try to be so good for me, don't you?" she said softly, feeling Loki shiver in her arms. Her fingers spasmed, but she was careful not to tug on Natasha's hair or scratch her. Good girl. Ignoring her gasps and moans, Natasha kept pumping her fingers, adding a third just to get Loki squealing in pleasure. "So I'm being good to you, too," Natasha purred. "You'll come again for me, and again, and as many times as I want you to."
Loki nearly sobbed, her entire body shaking against Natasha's. "Please, Natasha," she begged, eyes shut and breath coming in short pants. "I... Please, please," she begged, writhing and jerking her hips erratically. "Tell me... Tell me what to do. I need you..."
Natasha had long suspected that the need had become vital to Loki's wellbeing; why else threaten to take apart Helheim if she died? Why agree to shadow her and do whatever Natasha might need to get a job done? Why else be jealous of others in her bed?
"I'm here," Natasha murmured. "I'm not going anywhere. This is just for you, for being so good today, even when I knew you wanted to destroy something to keep it from being boring."
"I... I wouldn't have. You wouldn't like that," Loki panted, writhing in her arms. Natasha could feel her clench down on her fingers, body tightening from the pleasure.
"Do you always do what I want?" Natasha taunted playfully.
"You won't be with me otherwise," Loki whined, arching as Natasha dragged her thumb across her clit. "Oh, please, there, that," she begged, gasping. "Please, Natasha, by the Tree, I want to touch you so badly..."
"Then come for me first," Natasha purred, smiling against Loki's cheek. The goddess squirmed and panted, trying to grab the sides of the tub rather than dig her nails into Natasha's thigh. She nearly screamed when she came, body falling limp afterward. Natasha slowed her thrusts to bring her down from the edge, then helped Loki turn and kneel in the tub to face her. The heat from the water and the two orgasms gave her pale skin a pink flush, and Natasha leaned forward to lick Loki's lips. "I like how you look."
"Wh-what?" Loki asked, dazed.
"Fucked out and still ready for me," Natasha clarified, giving her a sultry look. "So why don't you show me how ready you are?"
"Oh! Oh, yes," Loki cried, lips stretching wide in a delighted grin. She surged forward in the tub to catch Natasha in her arms and kiss her thoroughly, water sloshing over the edge and spilling everywhere. Natasha couldn't help but laugh against her mouth, but Loki didn't seem to take offense to it. She wrapped one arm around Natasha, hand catching hold of the edge of the tub, and the other caught one of Natasha's breasts. She abraded the nipple with her thumb, making Natasha gasp a little at the contact. That would please Loki under some circumstances, but at other times Loki liked her to be louder. Loki was too busy shifting her kneeling position in the tub so that her thigh was caught between Natasha's. Laughing again, Natasha tilted her hips to test the friction. Mmm, that felt nice. Loki eagerly deepened the kiss and shifted her weight slightly, rubbing herself against Natasha's thigh.
"Is this how you'll fuck me?" Natasha asked against her mouth, reaching up to grasp a fistful of Loki's hair. Her other hand firmly clasped Loki's ass, pushing her to rut faster.
Loki groaned and moved to press her lips against Natasha's temple. She rubbed her clit against Natasha's thigh, her movements jiggling her thigh against Natasha's clit. Natasha shifted and wiggled her hips, adding to the friction. Her breath quickened, and Loki moved to kiss her again, mouth hot and open against hers. For a moment, it almost sounded like Loki said "I'm not fucking you," but Natasha's breathing was too harsh in her ears to be sure. Loki came first, then slid her hand down Natasha's torso to tease her clit with her fingers. "I want to hear you," Loki gasped when she was able to speak. "I want your cries of pleasure."
Natasha mewled a little louder and let her hands tighten on Loki's ass. "More, then," she moaned, throwing her head back. "And harder."
Only too eager to comply, Loki rubbed her clit harder and faster, shifting against her slightly so that their breasts rubbed against each other. Natasha let her head fall back against the edge of the tub, eyes sliding shut so she could focus on the feel of Loki's fingers working her to fever pitch. She gasped and moaned the way Loki liked to hear it, spreading her legs wider to allow better access. She didn't have to feign anything when Loki slid a second finger inside her, thumb working her clit. Natasha moaned, breath hitching. "Like that," she directed, moving one of her hands from Loki's ass along her back. She reached up as high as she could then pulled Loki by the hair so that she could kiss her. Like this, it didn't take too much longer for Natasha to come, a soft languor settling into her limbs.
Loki curled up around her, and Natasha slung a possessive arm around her shoulders. "Mmm," Natasha murmured. "And the best part is, so much easier to clean up when you have sex in a tub." She laughed a little along with Loki. "Tomorrow we've got more exploring to do in between whatever luncheon and musicale I'm expected to go to."
"Would I come with you?" Loki asked, sounding almost afraid of Natasha's answer. She was too tired to try to figure out why.
"Of course. You're my companion here." Natasha smothered a yawn. "All right. Let's drain the tub and go to bed. Long day tomorrow."
Natasha didn't question why Loki was so agreeably submissive with the suggestion.
***
Sif eyed Loki with a measure of distrust, but there was nothing obvious for her to object to. "I have not heard of you before," the warrior said, eyes narrowing slightly as she took in Loki's feminine appearance. She was in the same skirted and comfortable yet form fitting clothes that Natasha wore to spar, hair pulled back into a high ponytail that swung as she walked.
"I'm a more recent friend. There had been some difficulty on Earth with a mission that I helped with," Loki replied sweetly. Once upon a time Sif had been a comrade, someone that Loki had been able to talk to, fight with, spar with and confer about the ridiculously silly antics that Thor and the Warriors Three could get up to. Loki missed that.
Shrugging, Sif turned to Natasha. "It's good to have you about the palace again."
"Why? Have more jarls or karls gone missing?"
Waving that off as irrelevant, Sif shook her head. "I'm sure there are none truly missing, for Heimdall sees all. No, I meant being the only true female warrior here. It is good to have a comrade at arms."
"Lara's good with a blade, too," Natasha offered. "Knives, especially."
Loki flashed her a smile full of teeth. How did Sif not recognize that smile? "Of course. You remember our play with them, don't you Natasha?"
"And how you cheated," she replied brightly, lifting a wicked looking blade that Loki had never seen before. "But don't worry, Lara. I've gotten even since then."
"If you say so," Loki purred, enjoying the confused look on Sif's face. Did she really only see the obvious? How could she take Loki at face value and not realize that the Loki she once knew was in there?
Then again, Loki had originally thought changing into a woman would solve her problems, creating herself anew. It was her interactions with the other Avengers that had proven to her that she was still ultimately the same. So why didn't Sif recognize her?
Loki pushed the thoughts out of her mind as the three of them worked out a sparring pattern. She liked the look of Natasha and Sif fighting with knives and short swords; her gut clenched at the thought of short swords in general, and her thoughts skittered elsewhere. Like waking in Natasha's bed and being able to lick and suckle her breasts or fondle actual flesh, not just pillows and sheets that smelled like her. She was a sad, sad creature, but only where Natasha was concerned. Loki didn't know what this meant for the future.
Something like recognition almost seemed to bloom in Sif's eyes when it was their turn to spar with knives. It wasn't the blades she usually favored, but the ones that trainees usually received to practice with. She hated the balance on these, but apparently her movements were familiar enough to arouse some kind of suspicion. Loki was delighted and terrified at once; Sif was unfailingly loyal to Thor and Odin. Would she reveal this fact to the Allfather?
"I assume there is always purpose in what you do," Sif said to Natasha after the session had come to an end. Loki didn't miss the significant look in her direction.
"Of course," Natasha replied with a nod. "And she wasn't lying, she was helpful with some missions I did for SHIELD before I came here."
Sif gave Loki a dubious look. "I still advise caution."
"Of course," Natasha said. "Believe it or not, I still remember everything that came before."
"But then why...?" Sif asked, uncertainty coloring her tone. Loki found it fascinating, having never seen her look so awkward before. Usually she charged ahead, so sure of herself and her capabilities. The only time she had ever really been upset in his presence on a personal matter was when he had cut her hair and it grew back in black.
"We are the sum of our choices. And there have been different ones made recently. Think of it as watchful waiting."
Nodding slowly, Sif appeared appeased by Natasha's words. "All right, then. I defer to you on this matter. Still, you must take care."
Natasha's smile was a genuine fond one, sending a spike of jealousy through Loki. Sif barely had to say or do anything to earn that smile, and Loki had to bend over backwards. Though true, she had done fairly terrible things before, it still felt unfair.
"I do not recognize that blade," Loki commented as they moved through the palace after the sparring session. They had a few hours before the garden party that Lady Drifa was hosting for her youngest daughter's birthday.
"Maeginbiorn had a field day crafting new things along with repairing the twin swords."
"You repaired them." There obvious shock in her tone; Loki hadn't thought Natasha would remember the comment or care about the blades. They had been forged for Loki centuries ago at Frigga's request when Loki had come to her, desperate and fearful that he would never be good at wielding the sword.
"Of course. They work as well as ever, but it's not expected for me to carry them around with all the fancy dress balls and shit I have to go to." Natasha eyed Loki. "Would you be able to teleport us to Engmarr and Helga's estates?"
"If I knew where they were."
"I'll get a map," Natasha declared, starting to veer off in a completely different direction. Loki hustled to keep up, and looked about to determine where they were going. The training facility was closer to the public areas, but she was heading to the more private areas of the palace that she shouldn't have had access to.
"And where are you headed, then?" Loki asked.
"One of the studies I may have seen before."
"You've wandered the halls?" she asked in surprise, though she really shouldn't have been. Of course Natasha would wander the halls. Of course she would want to know where everything was. "Without bothering with the hypocaust?"
"The hypocaust?"
Loki laughed. "Oh, I'll have to show you those, then. Excellent for listening in or moving about without being seen."
Natasha looked pleased at that. "Sounds like just the thing I might need to know."
The study in question was one of Odin's, which gave Loki pause. "We shouldn't be here..."
Studiously ignoring her, Natasha immediately started rifling through different maps and scrolls in the room. Finally she found one she deemed acceptable, and pulled it out of the stack. "Here, copy this for us." It was a map of Asgard, various markings in different colored inks and symbols, with labeled estates and villages in the outskirts of the realm. Yes, it would be exactly the thing Natasha would need, but Loki was still unnerved to be in one of Odin's inner sanctums without his consent. There already was a price on her head, and coming in to steal a map didn't give her an illicit thrill the way it might have when she was a boy and being dared to do something stupid by Thor or his friends. This felt like tempting fate, and Loki already knew that several of his fates led to death.
But she copied the map flawlessly with magic, and Natasha easily replaced the original where she found it. "There. Now we'll know where we need to go."
"Why do you care so much for missing jarls? They simply could have gone elsewhere."
Natasha snorted. "You have no concept of the lower classes, do you? You're aware of what was expected of you, but do you really think it was so different for them? They wouldn't simply go missing. But Heimdall specifically told me about Jogeirr getting murdered, and he specifically told me he couldn't see who was trustworthy."
"So what?" Loki asked, frowning.
"Heimdall is able to see across different realms, Loki." Natasha stared at her, as if she was being willfully obtuse. Loki hated the thought of disappointing her, but really had no idea what point she was getting at. "If he can't see what is happening, that means that something big and nasty is coming. He's seeing everything but this."
"Which would mean that the jarls are not on Asgard," Loki murmured.
"So... That's the kind of thing we're going to be looking for. You didn't feel it at Jogeirr's house, but it's got to be somewhere."
"But why send you?" Loki asked, confused.
"Do you think Odin would care about them? One or two lesser jarls missing. A handful of karls hung for the crime. Seems pretty open and shut, doesn't it?"
"Isn't it?"
Natasha gave her a withering look. "Why are they killing jarls now? What is it that put them over the edge? Conditions haven't been good for them for years. Something happened to push that forward into murder." Natasha stalked forward, map in hand. "People don't kill for no reason. Even mercenaries have reasons, and the karls are not mercenaries."
"Not like you were."
She caught Loki about the throat with her free hand, and Loki wondered if Natasha was upset with her. "Which is why I know this. I understand how that works. These are not random, even if they look that way for now. We find the connection between them, we find out who is yanking them out of Asgard to do it, we'll understand what needs to be done yet."
Not wanting to displease her further, Loki whisked them to one of the two estates that Engmarr and Helga lived in. Immediately she could see the difference in this home compared to Jogeirr's. The home looked lived in, with furniture that was meant to be comfortable, tapestries on the wall and a painting of the couple over the mantel. Loki and Natasha went through the house; it was small, likely the one that the two tended to retreat to from their larger estate. After looking at the map of Asgard to get a proper look at where the main estate house was located, Loki reached between for a portal to it.
Instead of the main reception hall as was her intent, they were in the cellar.
"Interesting," Natasha said, lips quirked into a sardonic smile as she looked around the area. "I didn't think you were into dungeons. I'll have to rethink what to do with you, then."
As much as the innuendo pleased her, Loki shook her head. "I meant to be in the main hall, not here. But apparently a portal must have been opened here before, and I connected with it."
"So we're dealing with a magic user of some kind. Can you tell who it is?"
"Not just yet," Loki said, shaking her head.
Her gaze sharpened, and it was fascinating to watch Natasha start really looking around the cellar for possible clues. Loki felt empty and useless in comparison, as if she couldn't think of what could come next, what should come next. There was something going on, something large and dangerous and potentially the kind of thing to destroy Asgard. Loki didn't want it destroyed, and perhaps Natasha had a point about Loki not truly wanting to rule over the day to day decisions. She didn't belong there anymore, didn't belong anywhere, really, but that didn't mean that she wanted Asgard gone.
But who else would?
Loki reached out with her senses and then with her physical hands, feeling the shape of reality in the cellar. As Natasha found dried blood on the bottom of the doorframe, Loki felt the outline of a portal that once stood in this cellar. She recoiled from its energy, finding it familiar and repellant. No. Not again, I'm not going back there, not ever again...
Natasha hadn't seen it, was absorbed in following the trail of dried blood. It stopped abruptly at the edge of the now-closed portal. "Someone was injured here."
To cover her terror, Loki tried to draw energy out of the blood, tried to craft the figure of its former owner. A feminine shape started to take form, but the blood was too old for that. None of the features were clear, so other than the fact that it was a woman, Loki couldn't be sure who it was. It could have been Helga's blood, or perhaps a servant that stumbled and fell, cutting herself on the sharp edge of the doorframe. It was a logical explanation, but one that her gut wanted to disbelieve immediately.
"Well, that was a good try," Natasha sighed, and a spike of guilt shot through Loki's gut. She should say something. She should admit the truth of the portal's existence, where it led to, who was likely on the other side. If Natasha asked her, Loki would answer. Probably. Definitely. Maybe. Depending on how she asked.
Then the moment passed, and Natasha was striding out of the door without a backward glance, intent on searching the rest of the house. There was nothing else to find after a thorough search, though Natasha thought that the disorganized bedroom might have shown signs of a struggle and an ineffectual attempt to cover that up. Loki opened her mouth to mention the portal, but shut it again when terror seized her. Her throat was closed off, and she struggled for air. Unbearable heat flooded through her, the presence of knives and subtle threats if the master wasn't pleased with Loki. You lie, of course you lie. If this too is a lie, you will regret it for all of eternity and beg for death.
"Loki?" Natasha asked, concern in her voice.
She was shaking and pale, the memories choking her. Loki shook her head. "We should get back, get ready for that thing you have to go to. I have to go as well, don't I? As your companion from Midgard... Would they believe the ruse?"
Thankfully, Natasha let her panic slide and took hold of the shift in topic. "Yes," she sighed. "I don't think any of them are really the sort to question it. They only care about fashion, rank and getting their children married off."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Loki murmured. "That's rather the point of a union, after all."
"In this case, their being self-centered means they won't care why you're there with me. Having only Bera to see to my needs made them think I was a paltry excuse of a noble."
Loki couldn't help but smile at the disdain in her voice. No, this part of Asgardian society would never appeal to her. "Well, I don't know if having me about would help or harm your reputation, but I would do what I can to aid you."
Natasha gave her a soft smile that sent Loki's insides quivering with need. "I know. So we'll get back and see if we can make a quick appearance before heading out."
Once they were dressed appropriately, Loki and Natasha attended Lady Drifa's garden party. Her youngest daughter was a flighty little thing, laughing and flirting with all the young men that came along with their families. Natasha introduced Loki to everyone she knew at the party as Lara, and Loki couldn't recognize anyone there. True, when a man Loki hadn't been terribly interested in the social side of noble gatherings. He had attended feasts and union gatherings at the urging of Frigga, but had stood aloof and uninterested. As a prince, he had been allowed to be standoffish without ruining any chances at possible matches. As Natasha's companion, Loki wouldn't cull any interest at all, even if she was so inclined.
Knowing that Natasha didn't particularly like most of the people present was somewhat amusing, to be honest. Lady Gilla didn't move in the same social circles as Lady Drifa, who thought herself far more important than most of the guests. There were even subtle digs at Natasha's suitability as Ambassador, which went ignored for the most part. Loki wanted to rip the woman's face right off of her skull, but managed to refrain from such a thing. Imagining her screams and anguish helped make the odious woman more tolerable, though.
At one point, Drifa cast a dark look in the direction of one of the servants. Loki casually looked over in that direction and saw one of the servants with a tray of drinks. Her dress was the same kind of formal outfit that the other karls wore at the party, but Drifa's husband had an intense look as he stared at that the karl. She had honey blonde hair, green eyes and decent enough curves to hold onto. Loki could easy imagine the girl, skirts hiked up and legs wrapped around his waist as he fucked her; Drifa was sour and bitter, frown lines permanently etched into her face, and Loki had no doubt that her husband was often on the receiving end of her temper. Loki wasn't particularly surprised to see that her husband had a roving eye. Such was the way of many jarls in Asgard.
"It's really too bad about the missing jarls," she said, diverting Drifa's attention from the karl for a moment. Natasha looked pleased, which made a thrill of pride go through her.
Drifa sniffed. "You really have no idea how our society functions. Those bleeding hearts really had no place in our set."
"Bleeding hearts?" Natasha echoed, eyebrow lofted. "I thought people were saying that Jogeirr was rather cruel to his karls."
With a negligent wave, Drifa shook her head. "He was a nobody, it doesn't matter. Engmarr and Helga certainly weren't upper crust, but were known enough in some circles. They actually thought karls should have more than their lot in life. It's utterly ridiculous, of course. They need guidance and discipline, the louts. Lady Lagaertha is such a soft heart, it's just as well she hasn't been at any society events."
"Oh? What did she do?"
"I hear tell that she gave the karls free rein on her estates, wage increases, that kind of rot," Drifa said, her tone clearly indicating that she thought such tactics were horrifying. "Why, raggedy karls could buy themselves commissions and think they could become jarls. Insulting."
Loki could tell that Natasha was irritated, and was considering saying something herself. But another noblewoman steered the conversation instead to the upcoming wedding of Lady Gisla, and that she was inviting higher ranked jarls than her station would normally indicate. That set off a flurry of discussion regarding the event itself, which was easy to tune out. At one point, Loki caught Natasha's eye and mouthed at her We'll figure this out.
Of course we will, Natasha mouthed back.
It was enough to make her feel less lonely amongst the vapid strangers at the party.
***
***
To Chapter Four - When The Heart Breaks
Series: #11 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Loki/Natasha, Natasha/OFC mentioned, Natasha/Fandral/Loki
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warning for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and references to torture.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting and characterization discussion. :)
Summary: As Ambassador to Asgard, nobility didn't expect Natasha to be much more than a figurehead or diplomat. That very much was not her way, especially not when there was a mystery that needed to be solved.
Prior chapter:
One - Return To Asgard
Two - The Investigation Begins
Three - Appearances
Natasha looked at Loki critically as she undid the layers of robe and dress. Her movements were slow, almost creaky as she removed the soft pants she wore. "Hey. C'mere," she said, gesturing for Loki to come to the bed.
Loki's full lips quirked as she moved to comply. "I can't believe I'm even saying this, but I'm not in the mood for you to take me to bed."
Laughing, she gestured for Loki to come closer. "That's not what this is about, Loki. Being a domme isn't always about sex. It's about giving you what you need."
She frowned as she sat down on the bed where Natasha indicated. "What do you mean?"
"It isn't just about sex. Yeah, that's sometimes what you need. Getting off is fun, it clears the head, you have a moment where you don't need to think." Natasha pulled Loki's feet into her lap and started to methodically rub one of them. "But it isn't always sex. It's taking care of you, of knowing what you need and giving it to you."
There was a soft whimper as Natasha worked into a sore spot on the ball of her foot. Natasha gave her a soft smile, and Loki sucked in a breath. "And with my sore feet, this is how best you can care for me?" she asked softly.
"One of the ways," Natasha murmured, still working on her foot. "You see, I also knew that in our deal, you needed the appearance of being dominant."
"Appearance!" Loki cried, jerking her foot. Natasha held on tightly, pressing her thumbs into that sore spot and making her hiss. "It was no appearance."
"Of course it was. Haven't you figured it out yet? The difference between when you take control and when I do?"
Loki frowned at Natasha. "There's the mode of sex, I suppose."
"Oh, please. Haven't you been listening? It's not about the sex."
As much as it obviously galled her to say it, after a while Loki sighed and said "I don't understand what you mean."
"I know. When you take control, you fuck me senseless. It's not about what I need, it's about making me come. Those times are giving you what you need, giving you the sense that you control me, that I'm the helpless human at your command." Natasha kneaded the arch of Loki's foot as she froze in place, confusion on her face. "But when I'm in control, I give you peace that you need. I give you that moment where you don't hate yourself, where it doesn't matter what will happen next, because you know I'll take care of you. You trust me implicitly then, that I'll know what to do, and you don't have to hurt anymore."
"Yes," Loki whispered, sounding almost ashamed.
"That's being a good domme, Loki. That's why you're not very good at it, honestly, and why as much as you'd like to rule a realm someday, it won't work out. Because if you can't take care of one person's needs, how can you take care of millions? Billions?" Natasha leaned back a bit and switched to Loki's other foot as she shivered, eyes falling to Natasha's hands in shame. "It might not fit the culture on Asgard, but elsewhere there's no shame in admitting where your limits are. There's only so far you can push them, really."
"I was a prince. What else do they do but rule? And you say I'm not capable."
"Not as you are, no."
Loki's eyes shot up to Natasha's serene expression. "You think me capable, then?"
"When you grow the fuck up," Natasha replied matter-of-factly. Her smile softened the sting of her words, just as she knew they would. Loki was in a vulnerable state, more suggestible than usual. She probably wasn't used to merely following around and paying attention, leaving her more exhausted than usual. "You're already better at keeping your temper."
"You would hardly consort with me if I hurt you again," Loki huffed.
"And it's nice that you stopped with the gendered insults and rape threats or attempts." Natasha dug into a sore part of Loki's foot, making her hiss. "Perhaps in this form you understand why that isn't a very nice thing to do."
"I wasn't trying to be nice to you then," Loki pouted. "I didn't like you. I was angry with you. You hurt me and you didn't care."
"And at that point, you'd already killed innocent people and taken over the mind of my friend," Natasha replied, voice even. She didn't even take pleasure in the wince Loki made when she dug into the sore spot again. "Did you really think I'd like you or thank you for that?"
"You never answer when I ask you why you uphold this bargain with me," Loki said instead of answering. The answer was obvious, anyway. "Why would you do such a thing if I hurt you so much? If I am so evil?"
"I have answered. There's something between us. And I think you should have the choice about what to do next. Do you try to make up for the evil you've done? Or do you spit in the face of those who would try to help you if you asked for it?"
"I'm a monster," Loki murmured softly, eyes falling from Natasha's. She could only assume it was her internalized hatred and shame again. "I'm not capable of good. I try, but I fail at it."
"You're just learning what good is, Loki," Natasha murmured. "And even if you are a monster, which I find debatable, that doesn't mean you don't still have a choice. Monsters aren't always mindless creatures, you know."
"Of course they are," Loki disagreed. "Even your precious Bruce Banner, his monster simply destroys things."
"You really weren't paying attention three and a half years ago, were you?" Natasha scoffed, letting Loki's foot drop into her lap. "He destroyed Chitauri in the city. Yes, there was some damage to buildings, it couldn't be helped. But he didn't go after them deliberately. Even before that, in Harlem, he destroyed buildings but it wasn't for the sake of destroying them. He wasn't an animal. He was trying to contain and stop the Abomination."
Loki frowned, processing this. "Banner doesn't like his other self."
"Do you like yours?"
Surprised, Loki jerked and stared at Natasha. "What do you mean?"
"You see yourself as either a charmer or a monster. You can't see yourself as both, that you simply are who you are, capable of being whatever the occasion calls for it. That's what I've been trying to tell you with the ledger concept. You're capable of more than just monstrous things. You aren't only the boogeyman they all make you out to be."
Unbidden, tears sprang to Loki's eyes. "Why are you so kind to me? I gave you no cause for this, no reason to care for me."
"No, you haven't."
"I would give you a world, if I could. But I don't know what you want of me."
"Sure you do. That you find peace."
Peace. That seemed to startle Loki, and Natasha felt she had pushed the goddess far enough. She pushed off of the bed and went to the bathroom, starting a scented bath in the decadent tub. "You can come in with me, if you want," she called, pouring in the scented oils. Other cut crystal bottles sat around the edge of the large tub, a claw-footed thing made from stone and glazed with a stylized floral pattern. It was large enough for three people to fit into comfortably, rather like a small Jacuzzi without the jets.
Loki paused at the entrance to the bathroom, appearing uncertain. Natasha didn't think she had rattled her that much, but she could be wrong. In some ways, Loki seemed almost more fragile as a woman. Perhaps because now she wasn't trying so hard put on a tough façade.
"It's all right," Natasha murmured, starting to remove her dress and kirtle. She stood at the edge of the tub, gloriously naked, and started to step into it. "Obviously, it's large enough to share. And we've done a lot of walking today. It's been a long day. Time to relax."
There was a soft sigh that escaped Loki as she entered the bathroom, shedding the last of her clothes. Natasha thought it was a rather relieved sound, that Natasha wasn't saying these things to her in hatred. She leaned back against the stone and shut off the taps, letting the water soak into her muscles. It was just shy of too hot for comfort, and Loki winced a little as she stepped into the tub as well. Natasha pulled her in farther, making her gasp and whimper, and let Loki lie with her back against Natasha's chest. "There you go," she murmured when she felt the tension leave Loki's body. "That's it."
Loki whimpered a little, her hands on Natasha's knees. "Your touch..."
Natasha skimmed the fingers of both hands across Loki's stomach. "What about it?"
"I desire you," Loki whispered. "I think I always will, no matter what form I take."
Leaning her head forward a little, Natasha nipped Loki's earlobe. "What do you propose to do about it, then?"
"I desire you," Loki whispered again. "And I need you, Natasha. I need this, whatever this is between us." Her breath caught when Natasha moved one hand to cup a full breast and the other to juncture of her thighs. "Would you have me? Would you keep me?"
"I've already told you," Natasha replied, shifting her head so that she could take Loki's earlobe between her teeth and tug gently. "You're mine."
"Please," Loki whimpered, her hands tight on Natasha's thighs. "Take me."
"Take you where?" Natasha teased, bringing the fingers of her right hand to brush against Loki's dark curls. "You're too sore to keep walking around Asgard right now."
"N-no," Loki stammered, shimmying around a little. Natasha didn't play along with that, refusing to pinch her nipple or slide her fingers into Loki's center. "Fuck me," she whispered, letting her head fall back against Natasha's shoulder. Her eyes were shut and her breathing was shallow. "Please, Natasha. I want it so much."
Natasha pinched her nipple sharply, making her cry out. "Do you think you deserve it?"
"I don't know," Loki murmured, eyes still shut. "I try so hard, but I don't know if it's good enough to please you. I want to please you, Natasha. I want you proud of me." Her voice broke, and tears slid out from beneath her closed eyelids. "I don't know if you can be."
Stroking her breast with one hand, Natasha slid her fingers along Loki's folds with her other hand. "You try so hard, Loki," she purred, knowing the voice would send her into paroxysms of desire. She smiled and pressed her lips against Loki's temple as she slid two fingers inside of Loki, the heel of her hand rubbing against her clit. "I like that you try for me."
Loki whimpered and lifted one hand to reach behind her to touch Natasha and stroke the back of her head. "Are you proud of me?" she asked, her voice breaking.
Natasha kissed her cheek and stroked her breast at the same time she started sliding her fingers in and out. "Yes, Loki, I am." The words made Loki open her eyes in relief, her body sagging against Natasha's. The expression on her face was utter vulnerability, and for a moment Natasha was frightened that this was going to go too far. Loki had evil tendencies, could be selfish and unthinking and downright cruel. Loki had committed atrocities without even thinking about it, destroyed without any concern about the consequences.
And she was also very, very broken. She was like the lost souls that once populated the Red Room, vying for the attention of indifferent and even crueler masters.
Throwing her leg over Loki's, Natasha drew it to side, giving herself easier access to finger Loki and pump into her slick heat. Loki whimpered and writhed, her body draped across Natasha as if she could melt inside of her. Natasha listened to her whimper, alternating the rhythm and angle of her thrusting fingers. She stroked and rubbed Loki's breast, working her until her cries reached a crescendo indicating she came. Even then, Natasha didn't relent. "You try to be so good for me, don't you?" she said softly, feeling Loki shiver in her arms. Her fingers spasmed, but she was careful not to tug on Natasha's hair or scratch her. Good girl. Ignoring her gasps and moans, Natasha kept pumping her fingers, adding a third just to get Loki squealing in pleasure. "So I'm being good to you, too," Natasha purred. "You'll come again for me, and again, and as many times as I want you to."
Loki nearly sobbed, her entire body shaking against Natasha's. "Please, Natasha," she begged, eyes shut and breath coming in short pants. "I... Please, please," she begged, writhing and jerking her hips erratically. "Tell me... Tell me what to do. I need you..."
Natasha had long suspected that the need had become vital to Loki's wellbeing; why else threaten to take apart Helheim if she died? Why agree to shadow her and do whatever Natasha might need to get a job done? Why else be jealous of others in her bed?
"I'm here," Natasha murmured. "I'm not going anywhere. This is just for you, for being so good today, even when I knew you wanted to destroy something to keep it from being boring."
"I... I wouldn't have. You wouldn't like that," Loki panted, writhing in her arms. Natasha could feel her clench down on her fingers, body tightening from the pleasure.
"Do you always do what I want?" Natasha taunted playfully.
"You won't be with me otherwise," Loki whined, arching as Natasha dragged her thumb across her clit. "Oh, please, there, that," she begged, gasping. "Please, Natasha, by the Tree, I want to touch you so badly..."
"Then come for me first," Natasha purred, smiling against Loki's cheek. The goddess squirmed and panted, trying to grab the sides of the tub rather than dig her nails into Natasha's thigh. She nearly screamed when she came, body falling limp afterward. Natasha slowed her thrusts to bring her down from the edge, then helped Loki turn and kneel in the tub to face her. The heat from the water and the two orgasms gave her pale skin a pink flush, and Natasha leaned forward to lick Loki's lips. "I like how you look."
"Wh-what?" Loki asked, dazed.
"Fucked out and still ready for me," Natasha clarified, giving her a sultry look. "So why don't you show me how ready you are?"
"Oh! Oh, yes," Loki cried, lips stretching wide in a delighted grin. She surged forward in the tub to catch Natasha in her arms and kiss her thoroughly, water sloshing over the edge and spilling everywhere. Natasha couldn't help but laugh against her mouth, but Loki didn't seem to take offense to it. She wrapped one arm around Natasha, hand catching hold of the edge of the tub, and the other caught one of Natasha's breasts. She abraded the nipple with her thumb, making Natasha gasp a little at the contact. That would please Loki under some circumstances, but at other times Loki liked her to be louder. Loki was too busy shifting her kneeling position in the tub so that her thigh was caught between Natasha's. Laughing again, Natasha tilted her hips to test the friction. Mmm, that felt nice. Loki eagerly deepened the kiss and shifted her weight slightly, rubbing herself against Natasha's thigh.
"Is this how you'll fuck me?" Natasha asked against her mouth, reaching up to grasp a fistful of Loki's hair. Her other hand firmly clasped Loki's ass, pushing her to rut faster.
Loki groaned and moved to press her lips against Natasha's temple. She rubbed her clit against Natasha's thigh, her movements jiggling her thigh against Natasha's clit. Natasha shifted and wiggled her hips, adding to the friction. Her breath quickened, and Loki moved to kiss her again, mouth hot and open against hers. For a moment, it almost sounded like Loki said "I'm not fucking you," but Natasha's breathing was too harsh in her ears to be sure. Loki came first, then slid her hand down Natasha's torso to tease her clit with her fingers. "I want to hear you," Loki gasped when she was able to speak. "I want your cries of pleasure."
Natasha mewled a little louder and let her hands tighten on Loki's ass. "More, then," she moaned, throwing her head back. "And harder."
Only too eager to comply, Loki rubbed her clit harder and faster, shifting against her slightly so that their breasts rubbed against each other. Natasha let her head fall back against the edge of the tub, eyes sliding shut so she could focus on the feel of Loki's fingers working her to fever pitch. She gasped and moaned the way Loki liked to hear it, spreading her legs wider to allow better access. She didn't have to feign anything when Loki slid a second finger inside her, thumb working her clit. Natasha moaned, breath hitching. "Like that," she directed, moving one of her hands from Loki's ass along her back. She reached up as high as she could then pulled Loki by the hair so that she could kiss her. Like this, it didn't take too much longer for Natasha to come, a soft languor settling into her limbs.
Loki curled up around her, and Natasha slung a possessive arm around her shoulders. "Mmm," Natasha murmured. "And the best part is, so much easier to clean up when you have sex in a tub." She laughed a little along with Loki. "Tomorrow we've got more exploring to do in between whatever luncheon and musicale I'm expected to go to."
"Would I come with you?" Loki asked, sounding almost afraid of Natasha's answer. She was too tired to try to figure out why.
"Of course. You're my companion here." Natasha smothered a yawn. "All right. Let's drain the tub and go to bed. Long day tomorrow."
Natasha didn't question why Loki was so agreeably submissive with the suggestion.
***
Sif eyed Loki with a measure of distrust, but there was nothing obvious for her to object to. "I have not heard of you before," the warrior said, eyes narrowing slightly as she took in Loki's feminine appearance. She was in the same skirted and comfortable yet form fitting clothes that Natasha wore to spar, hair pulled back into a high ponytail that swung as she walked.
"I'm a more recent friend. There had been some difficulty on Earth with a mission that I helped with," Loki replied sweetly. Once upon a time Sif had been a comrade, someone that Loki had been able to talk to, fight with, spar with and confer about the ridiculously silly antics that Thor and the Warriors Three could get up to. Loki missed that.
Shrugging, Sif turned to Natasha. "It's good to have you about the palace again."
"Why? Have more jarls or karls gone missing?"
Waving that off as irrelevant, Sif shook her head. "I'm sure there are none truly missing, for Heimdall sees all. No, I meant being the only true female warrior here. It is good to have a comrade at arms."
"Lara's good with a blade, too," Natasha offered. "Knives, especially."
Loki flashed her a smile full of teeth. How did Sif not recognize that smile? "Of course. You remember our play with them, don't you Natasha?"
"And how you cheated," she replied brightly, lifting a wicked looking blade that Loki had never seen before. "But don't worry, Lara. I've gotten even since then."
"If you say so," Loki purred, enjoying the confused look on Sif's face. Did she really only see the obvious? How could she take Loki at face value and not realize that the Loki she once knew was in there?
Then again, Loki had originally thought changing into a woman would solve her problems, creating herself anew. It was her interactions with the other Avengers that had proven to her that she was still ultimately the same. So why didn't Sif recognize her?
Loki pushed the thoughts out of her mind as the three of them worked out a sparring pattern. She liked the look of Natasha and Sif fighting with knives and short swords; her gut clenched at the thought of short swords in general, and her thoughts skittered elsewhere. Like waking in Natasha's bed and being able to lick and suckle her breasts or fondle actual flesh, not just pillows and sheets that smelled like her. She was a sad, sad creature, but only where Natasha was concerned. Loki didn't know what this meant for the future.
Something like recognition almost seemed to bloom in Sif's eyes when it was their turn to spar with knives. It wasn't the blades she usually favored, but the ones that trainees usually received to practice with. She hated the balance on these, but apparently her movements were familiar enough to arouse some kind of suspicion. Loki was delighted and terrified at once; Sif was unfailingly loyal to Thor and Odin. Would she reveal this fact to the Allfather?
"I assume there is always purpose in what you do," Sif said to Natasha after the session had come to an end. Loki didn't miss the significant look in her direction.
"Of course," Natasha replied with a nod. "And she wasn't lying, she was helpful with some missions I did for SHIELD before I came here."
Sif gave Loki a dubious look. "I still advise caution."
"Of course," Natasha said. "Believe it or not, I still remember everything that came before."
"But then why...?" Sif asked, uncertainty coloring her tone. Loki found it fascinating, having never seen her look so awkward before. Usually she charged ahead, so sure of herself and her capabilities. The only time she had ever really been upset in his presence on a personal matter was when he had cut her hair and it grew back in black.
"We are the sum of our choices. And there have been different ones made recently. Think of it as watchful waiting."
Nodding slowly, Sif appeared appeased by Natasha's words. "All right, then. I defer to you on this matter. Still, you must take care."
Natasha's smile was a genuine fond one, sending a spike of jealousy through Loki. Sif barely had to say or do anything to earn that smile, and Loki had to bend over backwards. Though true, she had done fairly terrible things before, it still felt unfair.
"I do not recognize that blade," Loki commented as they moved through the palace after the sparring session. They had a few hours before the garden party that Lady Drifa was hosting for her youngest daughter's birthday.
"Maeginbiorn had a field day crafting new things along with repairing the twin swords."
"You repaired them." There obvious shock in her tone; Loki hadn't thought Natasha would remember the comment or care about the blades. They had been forged for Loki centuries ago at Frigga's request when Loki had come to her, desperate and fearful that he would never be good at wielding the sword.
"Of course. They work as well as ever, but it's not expected for me to carry them around with all the fancy dress balls and shit I have to go to." Natasha eyed Loki. "Would you be able to teleport us to Engmarr and Helga's estates?"
"If I knew where they were."
"I'll get a map," Natasha declared, starting to veer off in a completely different direction. Loki hustled to keep up, and looked about to determine where they were going. The training facility was closer to the public areas, but she was heading to the more private areas of the palace that she shouldn't have had access to.
"And where are you headed, then?" Loki asked.
"One of the studies I may have seen before."
"You've wandered the halls?" she asked in surprise, though she really shouldn't have been. Of course Natasha would wander the halls. Of course she would want to know where everything was. "Without bothering with the hypocaust?"
"The hypocaust?"
Loki laughed. "Oh, I'll have to show you those, then. Excellent for listening in or moving about without being seen."
Natasha looked pleased at that. "Sounds like just the thing I might need to know."
The study in question was one of Odin's, which gave Loki pause. "We shouldn't be here..."
Studiously ignoring her, Natasha immediately started rifling through different maps and scrolls in the room. Finally she found one she deemed acceptable, and pulled it out of the stack. "Here, copy this for us." It was a map of Asgard, various markings in different colored inks and symbols, with labeled estates and villages in the outskirts of the realm. Yes, it would be exactly the thing Natasha would need, but Loki was still unnerved to be in one of Odin's inner sanctums without his consent. There already was a price on her head, and coming in to steal a map didn't give her an illicit thrill the way it might have when she was a boy and being dared to do something stupid by Thor or his friends. This felt like tempting fate, and Loki already knew that several of his fates led to death.
But she copied the map flawlessly with magic, and Natasha easily replaced the original where she found it. "There. Now we'll know where we need to go."
"Why do you care so much for missing jarls? They simply could have gone elsewhere."
Natasha snorted. "You have no concept of the lower classes, do you? You're aware of what was expected of you, but do you really think it was so different for them? They wouldn't simply go missing. But Heimdall specifically told me about Jogeirr getting murdered, and he specifically told me he couldn't see who was trustworthy."
"So what?" Loki asked, frowning.
"Heimdall is able to see across different realms, Loki." Natasha stared at her, as if she was being willfully obtuse. Loki hated the thought of disappointing her, but really had no idea what point she was getting at. "If he can't see what is happening, that means that something big and nasty is coming. He's seeing everything but this."
"Which would mean that the jarls are not on Asgard," Loki murmured.
"So... That's the kind of thing we're going to be looking for. You didn't feel it at Jogeirr's house, but it's got to be somewhere."
"But why send you?" Loki asked, confused.
"Do you think Odin would care about them? One or two lesser jarls missing. A handful of karls hung for the crime. Seems pretty open and shut, doesn't it?"
"Isn't it?"
Natasha gave her a withering look. "Why are they killing jarls now? What is it that put them over the edge? Conditions haven't been good for them for years. Something happened to push that forward into murder." Natasha stalked forward, map in hand. "People don't kill for no reason. Even mercenaries have reasons, and the karls are not mercenaries."
"Not like you were."
She caught Loki about the throat with her free hand, and Loki wondered if Natasha was upset with her. "Which is why I know this. I understand how that works. These are not random, even if they look that way for now. We find the connection between them, we find out who is yanking them out of Asgard to do it, we'll understand what needs to be done yet."
Not wanting to displease her further, Loki whisked them to one of the two estates that Engmarr and Helga lived in. Immediately she could see the difference in this home compared to Jogeirr's. The home looked lived in, with furniture that was meant to be comfortable, tapestries on the wall and a painting of the couple over the mantel. Loki and Natasha went through the house; it was small, likely the one that the two tended to retreat to from their larger estate. After looking at the map of Asgard to get a proper look at where the main estate house was located, Loki reached between for a portal to it.
Instead of the main reception hall as was her intent, they were in the cellar.
"Interesting," Natasha said, lips quirked into a sardonic smile as she looked around the area. "I didn't think you were into dungeons. I'll have to rethink what to do with you, then."
As much as the innuendo pleased her, Loki shook her head. "I meant to be in the main hall, not here. But apparently a portal must have been opened here before, and I connected with it."
"So we're dealing with a magic user of some kind. Can you tell who it is?"
"Not just yet," Loki said, shaking her head.
Her gaze sharpened, and it was fascinating to watch Natasha start really looking around the cellar for possible clues. Loki felt empty and useless in comparison, as if she couldn't think of what could come next, what should come next. There was something going on, something large and dangerous and potentially the kind of thing to destroy Asgard. Loki didn't want it destroyed, and perhaps Natasha had a point about Loki not truly wanting to rule over the day to day decisions. She didn't belong there anymore, didn't belong anywhere, really, but that didn't mean that she wanted Asgard gone.
But who else would?
Loki reached out with her senses and then with her physical hands, feeling the shape of reality in the cellar. As Natasha found dried blood on the bottom of the doorframe, Loki felt the outline of a portal that once stood in this cellar. She recoiled from its energy, finding it familiar and repellant. No. Not again, I'm not going back there, not ever again...
Natasha hadn't seen it, was absorbed in following the trail of dried blood. It stopped abruptly at the edge of the now-closed portal. "Someone was injured here."
To cover her terror, Loki tried to draw energy out of the blood, tried to craft the figure of its former owner. A feminine shape started to take form, but the blood was too old for that. None of the features were clear, so other than the fact that it was a woman, Loki couldn't be sure who it was. It could have been Helga's blood, or perhaps a servant that stumbled and fell, cutting herself on the sharp edge of the doorframe. It was a logical explanation, but one that her gut wanted to disbelieve immediately.
"Well, that was a good try," Natasha sighed, and a spike of guilt shot through Loki's gut. She should say something. She should admit the truth of the portal's existence, where it led to, who was likely on the other side. If Natasha asked her, Loki would answer. Probably. Definitely. Maybe. Depending on how she asked.
Then the moment passed, and Natasha was striding out of the door without a backward glance, intent on searching the rest of the house. There was nothing else to find after a thorough search, though Natasha thought that the disorganized bedroom might have shown signs of a struggle and an ineffectual attempt to cover that up. Loki opened her mouth to mention the portal, but shut it again when terror seized her. Her throat was closed off, and she struggled for air. Unbearable heat flooded through her, the presence of knives and subtle threats if the master wasn't pleased with Loki. You lie, of course you lie. If this too is a lie, you will regret it for all of eternity and beg for death.
"Loki?" Natasha asked, concern in her voice.
She was shaking and pale, the memories choking her. Loki shook her head. "We should get back, get ready for that thing you have to go to. I have to go as well, don't I? As your companion from Midgard... Would they believe the ruse?"
Thankfully, Natasha let her panic slide and took hold of the shift in topic. "Yes," she sighed. "I don't think any of them are really the sort to question it. They only care about fashion, rank and getting their children married off."
"You say that like it's a bad thing," Loki murmured. "That's rather the point of a union, after all."
"In this case, their being self-centered means they won't care why you're there with me. Having only Bera to see to my needs made them think I was a paltry excuse of a noble."
Loki couldn't help but smile at the disdain in her voice. No, this part of Asgardian society would never appeal to her. "Well, I don't know if having me about would help or harm your reputation, but I would do what I can to aid you."
Natasha gave her a soft smile that sent Loki's insides quivering with need. "I know. So we'll get back and see if we can make a quick appearance before heading out."
Once they were dressed appropriately, Loki and Natasha attended Lady Drifa's garden party. Her youngest daughter was a flighty little thing, laughing and flirting with all the young men that came along with their families. Natasha introduced Loki to everyone she knew at the party as Lara, and Loki couldn't recognize anyone there. True, when a man Loki hadn't been terribly interested in the social side of noble gatherings. He had attended feasts and union gatherings at the urging of Frigga, but had stood aloof and uninterested. As a prince, he had been allowed to be standoffish without ruining any chances at possible matches. As Natasha's companion, Loki wouldn't cull any interest at all, even if she was so inclined.
Knowing that Natasha didn't particularly like most of the people present was somewhat amusing, to be honest. Lady Gilla didn't move in the same social circles as Lady Drifa, who thought herself far more important than most of the guests. There were even subtle digs at Natasha's suitability as Ambassador, which went ignored for the most part. Loki wanted to rip the woman's face right off of her skull, but managed to refrain from such a thing. Imagining her screams and anguish helped make the odious woman more tolerable, though.
At one point, Drifa cast a dark look in the direction of one of the servants. Loki casually looked over in that direction and saw one of the servants with a tray of drinks. Her dress was the same kind of formal outfit that the other karls wore at the party, but Drifa's husband had an intense look as he stared at that the karl. She had honey blonde hair, green eyes and decent enough curves to hold onto. Loki could easy imagine the girl, skirts hiked up and legs wrapped around his waist as he fucked her; Drifa was sour and bitter, frown lines permanently etched into her face, and Loki had no doubt that her husband was often on the receiving end of her temper. Loki wasn't particularly surprised to see that her husband had a roving eye. Such was the way of many jarls in Asgard.
"It's really too bad about the missing jarls," she said, diverting Drifa's attention from the karl for a moment. Natasha looked pleased, which made a thrill of pride go through her.
Drifa sniffed. "You really have no idea how our society functions. Those bleeding hearts really had no place in our set."
"Bleeding hearts?" Natasha echoed, eyebrow lofted. "I thought people were saying that Jogeirr was rather cruel to his karls."
With a negligent wave, Drifa shook her head. "He was a nobody, it doesn't matter. Engmarr and Helga certainly weren't upper crust, but were known enough in some circles. They actually thought karls should have more than their lot in life. It's utterly ridiculous, of course. They need guidance and discipline, the louts. Lady Lagaertha is such a soft heart, it's just as well she hasn't been at any society events."
"Oh? What did she do?"
"I hear tell that she gave the karls free rein on her estates, wage increases, that kind of rot," Drifa said, her tone clearly indicating that she thought such tactics were horrifying. "Why, raggedy karls could buy themselves commissions and think they could become jarls. Insulting."
Loki could tell that Natasha was irritated, and was considering saying something herself. But another noblewoman steered the conversation instead to the upcoming wedding of Lady Gisla, and that she was inviting higher ranked jarls than her station would normally indicate. That set off a flurry of discussion regarding the event itself, which was easy to tune out. At one point, Loki caught Natasha's eye and mouthed at her We'll figure this out.
Of course we will, Natasha mouthed back.
It was enough to make her feel less lonely amongst the vapid strangers at the party.
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To Chapter Four - When The Heart Breaks