I'm waging war on a people that has been plaguing our society for far too long. Nice people. I'm not talking about the ones who are nice because they don't know any better, and I'm not talking about those people who have dedicated their lives to eradicating world hunger. They can stay. I'm talking about the bastards who are nice because they ( Read more... )

we need to talk. today, i was exposed to the content of a cosmo magazine... and when i say exposed i mean i was mentally raped by what must be a swedish sex torturer's idea of critical information every woman needs to know to survive in the real world. fucking swedes. the magazine uses tactics such as carefully calculated statistics to convince ( Read more... )

don't get all excited, i'm not hosting a bible study, nor am i going to write the biography of the man who invented levitra. we are gathered here today to view the lyrics of the third quote book song. this was effing difficult because if there was ever a QUICK wit among us, it escaped leaving us sans great one liners... sans one liners... so i ( Read more... )

Tonight... I uttered words I never thought I'd... well, utter: "Have you heard the new Ashlee Simpson song?". Those who know me are familiar with my musical listening habits... and how pop-free they are, however I'm beginning to understand how the genre of "pop music" has over-taken our country- possibly the world- without any considerable effort ( Read more... )

Who needs a gun when there are less conspicuous and far more torturous weapons available in mass quantities to the public. So far this week I have sliced myself with my homework, a yogurt cover, and a trombone. We're not talking paper cuts and little knicks, we're talking painful gashes that are bound to become infected with gangrene- say hello ( Read more... )

It's human nature. People go out, they get fucked up, and they start offending other people (sequence may vary from person to person). Some boys in Rhode Island decided that something should be done about this- the laws of nature cannot be broken, however offenders may be punished. And so the Party Foul Wheel was born. Anytime you spill a drink ( Read more... )

Let's talk about lazy. Welcome to the only word under which our country is united. So I turned on the SciFi channel the other night because Quantum Leap was on and that show effing rules. Since then I've been watching shows about alien abductions, Star Trek rip-offs, and the chupacabra- not exactly my cup of tea. Most people won't change the ( Read more... )

Oh under appreciated live-journal, how I take thee for granted. Do you know what else I take for granted? Indoor plumbing. Not necessarily the toilet thing, because I make good use of that- showers on the other hand, definitely take them for granted. Do you think before regular maintenance of personal hygiene was popular people could smell ( Read more... )

I want to thank everyone for teaching me. Some lessons are harder learned than others. This one took me almost 11 years to learn. Thank you for pushing me over and over again until I snapped and pushed back. I wouldn't have learned to defend myself if I'd never been hurt. Thank you for neglecting me and loving me conditionally if at all. I ( Read more... )

Skinny white boys, please keep your shirts on! There's no need for you to show off your nipples everytime the temperature rises above 60 simply because you can. Although you might find female nipples to be attractive, girls aren't aching to tear your shirt off and see your man boobs. Male nipples don't even have a function! They're just a body ( Read more... )