Comments | extrabitter: Knots: Patient Zero (10/12)

extrabitter

Knots: Patient Zero (10/12)

Jan 26, 2006 00:23

Part One (By Pitza)
Part Two
Part Three
Part Four
Part Five
Part Six
Part Seven
Part Eight
Part NineNotes: This was supposed to be the final chapter, but there was a change of plans because I have a couple of loose ends that need to be tied up from Wilson’s POV, and I need to let the last scenes between House and Wilson stand pretty much alone in ( Read more... )

Comments 23

Whew! karaokegal January 26 2006, 18:02:00 UTC

I was wondering when/if you were coming back with new chapters.
This was great, although I confess to skimming most of the medical stuff.
I loved this paragraph:
"Bodies move in their own language, and he figures that the comings and goings will free him up to think properly. His leg does not bother him today, it never does when his mind is engaged with something else, but he feels each step."

Holding my breath for the conclusions.

Re: Whew! extrabitter January 26 2006, 18:09:01 UTC

This part is a lot less intense than the previous action in the story. As House makes progress at this point, he eases up somewhat.

The medical stuff may not make it in the final cut, but I wanted it for context. This is one of the dangers of posting a long piece in chapters, there will be parts that don't necessarily succeed on their own merits without being able to read the piece as a whole.

I was hung up in writing before I made the choice to split the conclusion into three parts. My thought is that I'll post the last two at one point, to get the whole thing over with, because it's time.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

namasteyoga January 26 2006, 23:05:00 UTC

Cool. You've made it through the blocks and issues and finished another part. Yahoo.

It seems true that his brain wouldn't shut down while he was seeing things that are new to him -- that it's not solely the movement, but the bland sameness of the walls that free his mind. (So why doesn't that work for me on the damn treadmill?)

Oh, and how House-like that he just walks away from the other doctor in midsentence.

A quick note. When he's on the plane you've got him waiting for take ... rather than takeoff.

extrabitter January 27 2006, 04:26:45 UTC

The bit with House leaving the Swiss hospital to think is entirely based on one of Wilson's lines from (I think) "Histoies." --He needs to think. I was just lucky that Geneva's red-light district is near its main train station. Originally I had him visiting the RLD because he was bored; the insight part, which is such a blatant rip-off of the show that I'm almost ashamed of myself for doing it, came long later.

stilmoch January 27 2006, 01:47:29 UTC

I stuck with you for the medical stuff, you're right up my alley there. And yup, we'll all quit when VRSA really starts making the rounds. Sigh...
I like this, because it's literally distanced itself from the rest of the story. Not perhaps what you intended, but damn, it works. The dream sequence...very out-of-body. Never actually read something that effective in that way before.
Nice work. I'm glad you've continued this.

extrabitter January 27 2006, 04:12:31 UTC

The VRSA case is similar to a real life MRSA case that I'm familiar with, and I got lucky with the timeline in being able to use VRSA. Being that the case was not being treated in the US, I fudged a little on the antibiotic, which was not approved for use here until later in 2002. I probably moved up the discovery of the new strain by a few months, too.

Glad it worked for you. I wanted the medical to ring true to anybody who might be reading who has some experience with antibiotic-resistant bacteria. I'm not a medical professional, but I play one on TV. :)

pwcorgigirl January 27 2006, 01:56:29 UTC

These lines are, I think, the best look inside House's mind yet: "He doesn’t care that much about patients, but doesn’t believe the adage about a losing battle being a learning experience. An honest man admits that losing always sucks, and House is an honest man." Everyone picks up on what House thinks about the truth (they don't always get it right, though) but honesty is something no one else has touched.

I'm sort of glad that this chapter is less intense -- don't think my nerves could take it otherwise! Still, there are these little spikes of what he's dealing with that pierce the normalcy. When he smiles because he can't think of any other response is one. Another I like is: "That he needs familiar surroundings, that he needs anything, bothers House."

The mirror-dream is both a little chilling and intriguing, and I like the notion of House, who can't stand to bored, needing aimless steps and motions to focus his mind.

Lovely work, and I'm also holding my breath for the conclusion.

extrabitter January 27 2006, 04:23:03 UTC

We didn't get much of a look at House's attitude about honesty until "Daddy's Boy," and that brief glimpse has been in the back of my head while writing this whole piece. It may come back in the last part ( ... )

strangekitties January 27 2006, 23:52:33 UTC

I was very, very happy to see another part of this. And even more happy to hear that we've got two more chapters...this story is incredible. :)

extrabitter January 30 2006, 06:01:09 UTC

Thanks for your kind words. I hope the rest of the conclusion will satisfy. Writing the last part of a long story is a stressful process with all the loose ends. I'm just trying to answer all the questions. :)