what if i made a mistake??? what if im so scared of change that i destroy everything else around me? what if ive just lost the best thing ive ever had and its all my fault??????????????  i feel like im going insane!  why cant there be a sign??? WHY CANT THERE BE A SIGN. ive just left the one thing that made me safe. and life was always better ( Read more... )

i hate myself. 

 im getting fatter and it sucks ass. 
not much else to say to that.
cross my fingers that its because of pre-shark week, but ive been eating like shit. one huuuuge meal a day and then like a snack. but DAMN can i tell. i gotta knock it off. blah. i dont wanna drink at trivia tomorrow cuz it wont help one bit. and we're drinking @ nikkis on saturday ( Read more... )

i just talked to him on the phone ( Read more... )

....my bmi is under 22 :)  and my seniors tshirt from high school is roomie. rock. the. fuck. on. !!!

im not quite sure what to write ( Read more... )

okay.
so i've got to sort some thoughts out....thoughts that seemingly go away for a while and then all of a sudden come back...starting out small and annoying, poking through the back of my mind, and then getting bigger and bigger as i try to ignore and dont wanna deal with them. and then they explode and i have a panic/anxiety attack like so many ( Read more... )

 so that last one was from a long time ago....i guess it didnt post. that had to been in...jesus, january?

eating has been interesting. i got down to the lowest bmi ive had since like senior year of high school...22.38 or some shit...like 4 more pounds and i'll be under 21...well, it used to be four pounds but almost 2 weeks ago i accidentally ( Read more... )

playtime is over ( Read more... )

so i havent been on here for 9 weeks. i cant even believe i've lived at home for 9 weeks. not suprising though...i've completely plateaued. its terrible...im thinner than i've been for a long time but got to a certain point where i was 'okay' with everything and just resumed eating 'normally'. i mean, weight of course is always, always on my mind, ( Read more... )