It seems that I'm on a neverending quest to become attached only to the men that I can't have.. For one reason or another.

I'm feeling quite fucked up in the head.

So I got the apartment early. Two days earlier than I was supposed to. I pick up the keys on Saturday. This should be good news... But now I'm freaking out. My entire bedroom still needs to be packed and I only have tomorrow during the day to do that. Why am I sitting here instead of doing that? Because I'm freakin' exhausted. Between work, helping ( Read more... )

Fuck. Back to this again. It drives me crazy, so why do I put myself through it? It has to stop. I have to make it stop.

Or change.

I think tonight is the night that I'm gonna end things. Samm and I have to be at our bar for his best friend's birthday for a little while, and I assume he'll be there. I haven't even spoken to him since Monday. Not much of a relationship anymore.

He showed up at my bar last night. Scared the crap out of me. My adrenaline started going so much ( Read more... )

I feel like a horrible person for wanting to break up with him. I can't do this relationship thing much longer. Not with him.

Work:
Its good. Still enjoying my job for the most part. The money is still good, although business has died off a bit lately. I think as far as my side of the bar goes, all of the people are saving money this week for Saturday... Kentucky Derby. The big race of the year. I work in the Off Track Betting side of the bar, for those who didn't know.

( Read more... )

This past week and a half has sucked, for lack of a better term. Last week, one of my regular customers died. I watched him have a stroke and was one of the last people - other than the paramedics and doctors - to see him alive. He died shortly after being taken to the hospital. Yesterday was his funeral. Its kinda brought me down at work.. Seeing ( Read more... )

I'm amazingly happy. I'm comfortable. I'm absolutely, 100% in love with this boy.

I am so unbelievably happy. I haven't felt this in so long.

My first St. Patrick's Day as 21... Its gonna be a blast. I have to work today, but the great thing about working at a bar on a drinking holiday is that I can have a beer in my hand the minute I clock out. ;) I'm partying it up (at my work, of course) with a girl I work with and her crazy sister-in-laws. I can't wait. She swore she wouldn't get me ( Read more... )