Shit. I haven't changed one damn bit. And I am definately not stronger than I was before. Definately time for a change in scenery. In every aspect of the word.

I don't think anyone updates there LJ anymore.

I really fuckin hate my life and wonder why I'm still living considering I am truely the walking dead. The blood may still be flowing, I may still be breathing, my heart, soul and mind died long ago.

I'm so tired of being used. I now feel like I can't allow anyone new into my life because no one in this world is trustworthy anymore. It makes me feel so sad to feel this way. Why live then?

I dreamt about Nate last night. I haven't had a dream about him in a long time. It wasn't a good dream I don't think. I don't even know why I would dream about him. In the dream I was just crying and crying and crying. I think it turned into a river even. That's the only part of the dream i really remember. Seeing Nate and crying. I don't ( Read more... )

I think I'm finally over Chris. Or maybe I'm talking too soon. Who knows. My heart doesn't wrench so much when i think about him. It's more like, blah. I mean really. I'm not going into detail, but he isn't much of anything. He could be. But he isn't and probably won't be. The way he talks he is content with living the life he is living. ( Read more... )

Chris for a moment, made me forget that Nate ever existed. And I guess that was his magic and why he was so hard to let go. Nobody until him ever did that.

I woke up naked. He didn't go to sleep with me, but he was wrapped around me when I woke up. naked. It felt wonderful I thought I was going to cry. Reminded me of the time when I was with Nate and I fell asleep at the foot of the bed. When i woke up the next morning, I was looking at his beautiful face at the foot of the bed with me. If I ( Read more... )

Sean's back in my life. He spent the whole weekend with me. Made me laugh, comforted me. Why aren't I happy?

This is the first time in a long time, since Nate left, that I feel completely lost. Everytime I think I have it all under control I find that I don't. Nothing seems right, right now. Nothing is black or white and at the same time I see no shades of gray nor do I see colour. Is that even possible? I've been having fantasies (I'm amazed I still ( Read more... )