OK, maybe I watch too much Angel and Buffy but I feel like I woke up in some backwards universe where all the things that were set in concrete are now turned around. For example, in the world that makes sense Phil is a messed up guy who says things that are kinda crazy but in this new universe that I'm in he's smart, makes sense and has become my ( Read more... )

I will probably regret putting this on electronic paper so to speak but what the heck. I am so sad and confused. Everyone seems to be happy and moving on except for me! I hate being left behind. Hell, even Phil is happy! I'm so much more afraid now to be out there alone than I was before. It frightens me that everyone is happy with someone and I ( Read more... )

What are you and Sergei doing this weekend? I think I'm about to come into some money and I haven't fucked up my life in a while so i think I'm due. Dont you? Call me or write back on this journal. I think this might determine my whole future so just let me come amd say what the hell OK?

PPPPPPAAAAUUUULLLLLL! My mind is twirling at a rate of speed at which I can't control. I have got to get away from here before I totally forget who i am and that someone out there cares about me. Everyday I lose more of the person I used tolike and respect(most of the time anyway.) Church can't save me from the deep hole I am about to fall into. I ( Read more... )

I know only one person ever reads this dumb thing but still I write because knowing you read it gives me some comfort. Paul, I fear I am going mad and any day now I will jump into Lake Houston naked screaming about how Phil makes sense and life is just some cosmic joke to keep us on our toes. My head hurts from all the voices playing over and over ( Read more... )

It has recently come to my attention in reading a certain book that i was unfair in the things I said. I would be a bad christian if I went around judging everyone the way i judge you. Only one person can do that and I tried to be that person so i ask for your forgiveness just as i asked for the judges forgiveness. Your parents have every right to ( Read more... )

This will be my last post on this site. I'm going to stop writing online altogether as i will be busy having a life and don't need comments from strangers to make me feel better. It's time to come out of the darkness and be a real person again with real values ( Read more... )

I feel so yucky right now. My head feels like it weighs a ton and I can hardly keep my eyes open. My throat is all scratchy and even my hair hurts. I think I have some superflu or maybe it's just a bad flu and I'm oversensitive to the symptoms. I took some strong cold medicine and now I'm all loopy and emotional so forgive me for the sappy words I ( Read more... )

Why am i still alive? Maybe because I'm a big coward and need someone else to pull the trigger. My life will never change, it will always be this pit and everyone around me will feel hurt and confused by me. Last night I felt more like I wanted to die than i have in a long time. I suppose if I had the balls and hubby hadn't have hidden all the ( Read more... )

So here I sit with little to no money and nothing to keep me company except the dark thoughts in my head. When I was a little girl this is not the life I imagined for myself. I never thought that I would let a person leave physical and emotional bruises on me, ever. Yet here I am letting him do it every day. I can't sleep at night because I hear ( Read more... )