The negative attitudes and beliefs that I carried are plentiful (needless to say). It made up almost every part of me. Of every truth I carried I had attached some sort of lie or fable to a least a small piece of it. This protected me from the “regular” world, which I was so scared to live in. which in some ways I am still scared to live in. I ( Read more... )

i want to be skin, to be bones, to be empty
to be w/o anyone sop i cant let u hurt me any of you
broken beaten by myself i am used. scared, un-numb, too much feeling scares me shittless and i want to hide. im so tired
of me of everything

i am afraid to go to sleep cause im afraid to feelall these body memories are flooding me i am soaking in my own sweat -literally- i am displacing my feelings somewhat of what i mite become but more so of what i am afraid to of what am i so scared of what i mite already be somewhere inside of me ( Read more... )

today: ate breakfast, saw catia, went to gym?, wrote, showered :p, played games, wrote more, read, went to work, helped, left, saw my jed, went home, made dinner, good day. success. see you in the morrow.

like candy cotton clouds sticky sweat from love angels in the skys you float above me. and tremmors still come with your touch. i am still learning how to feel-in my body-in my head-numbed for so long this pain like hammers breaking bones feeling pains in my chest so real how did i kno hearts can break before they fall to pieces memories come and ( Read more... )

i want u bullied by color you gentle, black white grays, alone like i feel like i am and you are my only friend reaching hands, hands on my heart, forgive me with your hands, you eyes, you love,

'
c, f=embrace me with you gentle life, your skin, your breath. oh i see how wonderful.

what to call it, to be and to love to die and to abandon?

dont really feel like writing but i feel i need to wind down. it was lovely to see john kallet yesterday but destructive as well-things are not always what they seem- there is alk seeping thru my pores in little blisters. tonite will be long...nerves, anxiety, i want so badly for this to pass. let go

longing, bones under stretched skin, thats how i feel. tired bones. achy soul.
when did i let go? when did you?

No response… or delayed response… there it is…one more month, ah patience to nothing is a virtue. What am I doin? This is stupid. I know in my heart I am waiting for dissapointment and there is where u am hiding ( Read more... )

sometimes the silence is more comforting than the voices, the murmurs ( Read more... )