Hoo boy, so I've been reading old journal entries lately, and I kind of can't believe how many times I referenced going to the gym. It really began to embarrass me; not because I was lying, or had some lame ulterior motive, but because WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY MUSCLES, THEN? Clearly I was doing something wrong that entire time, even though I thought I ( Read more... )

Hey, look at this! I was cleaning out my desk, and I found this old livejournal I used to write in ( Read more... )

I'm pretty sure that I will die a heavy-handedly ironic death. I have a definite gut feeling about this. It's partly why I'm not an oncologist, because that would GUARANTEE death by cancer [other reasons why I'm not an oncologist: not intelligent, disciplined, nor brave enough; but really, these are far secondary reasons]. So! When I opened up a ( Read more... )

I am OVERJOYED to report that Michael Jordan has come out of retirement! Again! Yes, THE Michael Jordan is now once again acting in commercials. This is fantastic! See, because, commercials featuring Michael Jordan are a very special brand of comedy. There's even a certain formula! Michael Jordan will usually show up at a surprising time within the ( Read more... )

Ladies and gentlemen: tomorrow, Goodbye Victoria will be playing at the Mars Bar. The show starts at 9pm, costs $6, and also features Aaron Mannino and Eric Miller, who you will totally love if you like Nebraska-era Bruce Springsteen, M Ward, Black Rebel Motorcycle Club's Howl, the demos from Elvis Costello's My Aim Is True, and, obviously, Bob ( Read more... )

Whoa. I just brushed my teeth with Tom's of Maine orange-mango toothpaste. A weirdly disturbing experience, because I am used to "minty freshness." And there is no "mint" in orange-mango [my junior high football coach used to yell that constantly]. It was as though I accidentally put a tropical skittle on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste ( Read more... )

Hoo boy, I'm trying to write a journal entry without beginning with the boring and obvious fact that I neeeever, eeeever write journal entries anymore for some annoying reason [to be discussed later! Unless I decide not to discuss it!], but I just can't seem to do it. Not mentioning it would be like being in a room where a white elephant gift ( Read more... )

NOTICE OF PROPOSED LAND USE ACTIONConstruction of 88 square mile multi-purpose condominium and townhome structure between NE 145th St and Martin Luther King Way. Additional use: underground parking garage, retail space at ground level ( Read more... )

1,398. The Back of a Box of Smart Start Cereal by W.K. Kellogg ( Read more... )

I just accidentally discovered that I can do a MEAN Louis Armstrong impression. It was in the midst of making fun of The Lovin' Spoonful's "What a Day For a Daydream," which I am forced to hear at work an average of five times a day, causing a progression from "Tolerable song that I wouldn't choose to listen to" to "Supremely Irritating Travesty." ( Read more... )