I thought I was doing decent i thought its somewhat ok right now. a couple hours ago I was fine and then it hit me like lightning. Why the fuck cant I just stay calm and relaxed calm like other people are. im not suicidle but for some reason im getting all these thoughts and ideas and what i wish would happen its swarming through my head. I ve had ( Read more... )

I havent written in here for a while. Ive been seeing a psychiatrist in ann arbor and a bunch of other directors of the clinic (bipolar clinic). They really seem to know what there doing. unlike my psychiatrist in west bloomfield these doctors do things really slowly so that they can find exactly what every pill is doing for me or should i say not ( Read more... )

i told my friend benn that i really think there arent any options anymore that at least my psychiatrist can think of to help me. i know because he told me were just trying the same things over and over again. I was reading a interview with dr kay redfield jamison and she said that there are 70 percent of people with bipolar illness that work with ( Read more... )

I pretty sure the clock on this journal is wrong because im up just a little later but i could be wrong. Me and my psychiatrist just made a slite change with my medicine and already its begun to get fucked up again and on and on ( Read more... )

I want to say a couple things. first off a friend reminded me to write in here which is probably a good idea. Ive had all kinds of friends in the past. some are easy to talk to and others arent easy. you are easy to talk to ashley but its hard to be just an online friend. I know you have a hard time being around certain people but it makes me feel ( Read more... )

I was really glad to talk to ashley today shes a great person. i feel bad about some of the things i said about her in one of my previous entrys i didnt mean any of it. but its nice to be able to read her journal again. but i noticed some things that are true about myself it just took somebody else to tell me to understand. i dont have a job i ( Read more... )

why do i do this stupid shit. i said all this shit in my journal last night and now i regret all of it. why do i have to have these fucked up mood swings as id like to call them one minute im thinking about death in suicide and now im thinking about how nice the day might be. so im sorry my Mr. journal ill promise to be nice next time actually im ( Read more... )

I was try really hard to read a book today but it wasnt happening i tried very hard to concentrate on it but i just cant fit those words in my mind with everything else in it. well im about to do something tommorow. its a bad thing. ive decided at least just again id try this. im not going to take any medication thursday night ive done this before ( Read more... )

last night me and my dad were talking about movies that were depressing we argued silently for a couple minutes then he ran in to the kitchen and blew up at me. He told me a lot of things. He said he wishes I was never born and all that ive brought to this family is evilness. he was about to hit me and he even pushed my mom around once. he told me ( Read more... )

The only people that would truely know what its like to have ect is the people that have had it themselves. everyone makes fun of me cause i have such a bad memory. I really hate when people do that to me. I did some research the past couple days. I looked through my bottom drawer in my desk. Ive kept a lot of journal entries in there and i mean ( Read more... )