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momentai October 25 2010, 18:48:16 UTC
I love you so much for thois post! I feel the same way about most of what you mentioned, but this is the main point we agree on:

This is all theoretical, of course, and I will not know until I actually experience death. And that is something I am waiting for and really just excited to experience. Only through death can one attain the knowledge of death, that is the ultimate lesson.

That is what I have thought since I was around 12 or so. For a long time, it was not that I was suicidal, I just wanted to feel death. I wanted to know what it was and what it is like. I was in love with the concept of death. I think the love has waned a bit, but I am still very curious and attached to it.

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fear_n_loathing October 26 2010, 02:12:47 UTC
I think it might be a suicidal thing :/. It's like death can kind of be its own reward. And knowing that I very well will be in total love when I die is more incentive when I am feeling so depressed.

I am curious too, this is why I like hearing about accounts of near death experience.

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momentai October 26 2010, 02:22:35 UTC
it's been separate for me. I was wanting to die, but not kill myself. I didn't get feelings of actually wanting to kill myself till much later in life. Before, it was just that I wanted to know death, but had no way to know it. later, I was wanting to die so I didn't have to cope with anything. I just wanted to be away. I wanted to never have existed.

maybe me and you can figure out how to do that experiment from Flatliners.

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fear_n_loathing October 27 2010, 00:13:49 UTC
Which experiment are you talking about?

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opalmirror October 25 2010, 19:48:21 UTC
Beautiful writing and imagination, wishes here Becky.

I love your last comment that the dead's consciousness may be dead, but fragments may live on in other's inspiration, in repeated stories they told. For the living, I don't feel it is our *obligation* to keep the dead's influence alive, unless it brings meaning to us and others... and in that case it is very relevant.

I'm comfortable that my life will some day end and I'll transform into a new space. I'm not wanting to hurry that along... I don't necessarily see it as 'better' than what I have now, although if I am in relentless suffering, maybe I would feel differently.

I somehow expect knowledge, as I have so far understood it, will cease to contain any meaning for me when my mind dissolves. If I disperse entirely that's fine with me

At the risk of tautology, I'm happy being sure of what I can see, and not too worried about what I cannot be sure of. Life is in the living - that's all I can be sure of from this side of the veil. That is wonderful. That is enough.

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opalmirror October 25 2010, 19:49:31 UTC
and naturally, this isn't because I disagree with ANYTHING you are saying, I'm just letting my own thoughts flow out here. I loved hearing your perspective. :)

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fear_n_loathing October 26 2010, 02:08:37 UTC
I did not get at all that you disagreed with me O_o. I am worried why you would think that I might think that.

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fear_n_loathing October 26 2010, 02:07:52 UTC
Your first statement, remember that time I commented on a picture of you and Kathryn, and I said she -has- a great sense of fashion/wardrobe/wahetever? And you were like well she's dead and so on, and I said something like "I am looking at her in this picture, and I can see she has a good sense of fashion". Then one of your friends mentioned that is how the Egyptians saw life after death, and why pharoahs wanted such lavish monuments...in case that bit helps you to remember the picture.

I have no idea what tautology means.

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rimpala October 25 2010, 22:06:48 UTC
XD Read my post it's much shorter XD

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fear_n_loathing October 26 2010, 02:09:11 UTC
Woah, hey! Are you my LJ friend? I probably didn't notice -_-' sorry!

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rimpala October 27 2010, 02:27:02 UTC
Might have confused you with someone else, if I remember you originally invited me to the nudist fur group.

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fear_n_loathing October 27 2010, 17:51:10 UTC
I know you through killercacti's f-list, so it might have been me. My posts are mainly friends only, so I don't notice anyone new until they comment. But you are added now!

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dj_van_gilder October 31 2010, 00:25:35 UTC
You should check out a book called. DMT the Spirit Molecule by Rich Strassman. They are even making a movie about it http://thespiritmolecule.com/
He has some interesting opinions about the use of the pineal gland and the excretion of high amounts of DMT at time of death and birth.

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