In history class, when I read about the Strategic Defense Initiative (Circa Reagan administration 1983-nicknamed the Star Wars Plan), I thought I was being punked. The article had some really big words so I didn’t understand everything, but from what I gather, the plan became the basis for our ballistic missile defense and set the stage to protect ( Read more... )

According to an online Jung-Myers-Briggs personality test, on the dimensions of Openness, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism, I scored most similiar to Hillary Clinton and Hannibal Lecture.

When I was a little girl, a neighbor once explained that:

Rude is throwing your underpants against the wall.

Crude is throwing your underpants against the wall and watching them stick.

So I've seriously been looking for jobs since October, 2007. I've had two interviews (one in a Virginia Medical Office studying how children commit suicide or get murdered)--I didn't want that job because they wanted me to wear high heels in the morgue...and the other was in a drug rehab clinic studying how meth heads react to drugs that are used ( Read more... )

The one thing that I can't do that I wish I could do is raise one eyebrow without moving the other one.

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When I met her, my eyes teared up because I loved her so much.

If my life at this point were a song, it would be Music Box Dancer.

Because:

I LOVE MY NEICE!!!!!

She's the coolest little person in the whole world!

And she can’t even talk!

And she’s bald!

And she has 2 teeth!

And she’s BEAUTIFUL!!!!

And all she does is giggle and poop in her pants!

And ( Read more... )

The magic man quit his truck driving job to become a tap dancer. He says that the decision was inspired by a vision in his head involving shoes that were talking and saying “clickty clacky clicky clackity quit your job!” and he did. His shoes just arrived in the mail.

We became friends in 2005 because he was weird. He believes that his money ( Read more... )

New Obsessions:  online Turkish cooking journals, experimental eggplant disasters, experimental lingerie disasters, and experimental experiment disasters.

Eggplants are supposed to be salted and left to sit as to drain acidic brown juice that makes unsalted eggplant taste like ass (learned from online Turkish journal). However, adding more salt to ( Read more... )

Last night I started a new job with the government writing big important papers. I was excited about hiring Dr. Suess as a consultant . He played a very serious role in ensuring that all the laws rhymed and that they were accompanied by legitimate pictures of flying, talking elephants.  This, we believed, was the reform in public policy and social ( Read more... )

Many of my friends worry that their boyfriends are not concerned about their wellbeing. I fortunately do not have that problem; particularly in regard to my safety in areas that he feels may be prone to the dangers of zombie attacks.

Although I completed 60 credit hours in the field of disaster sciences, zombie preparedness was never mentioned once ( Read more... )