Another October. Another tenth month, and in around three I will be three plus twenty. I sit here, thoughtless, full only of scraps, and notions. Wisps and ghosts of the past year haunting me, chasing away my dreams... 'tis the season. The usual segments, deterred by nothing, evidence stacking high in favor that what I've made of my life isn't what ( Read more... )

It doesn't confuse, it makes perfect sense. It isn't the concept, but the speed of the thing. It doesn't upset, because I don't care one way or another. It isn't an issue. At least not for me ( Read more... )

I am living a life that does not quite catalyze hope. Hanging on is what I do, it has become, to my amazement disappointment, my defining feature. I give up, but do not give up, there is no surrender. Life doesn't take prisoners. As this journal has become a wasteland of miserable self reflection, I fear whenever I start longing to write in it. How ( Read more... )

I shouldn't have been so young, so helpless ( Read more... )

Communication breakdowns. They happen everywhere. In computers, they occur most often as some kind of handshake or authentication failure, assuming no real network disconnect. Between people, these breakdowns, or errors, can happen under a myriad of circumstances. Given any difference in approaches to communication, these errors can be difficult, ( Read more... )

I'm on a meaningless schedule. I don't belong anywhere. I've spent life looking for somewhere I fit and keep coming back around to being introverted. Everywhere I go, no matter how hard I try to help it, I've eventually brought destruction, and had my shallow growing roots unearthed ( Read more... )

January 20 is/was a lot of things. We have a new president, it's my birthday, and since my birthday is so close to new year's day, I just celebrate the new year on my birthday. Last year was a lot of things, but mostly a year of self discovery. A lot of good things happened... a lot of bad things happened. A lot of the time, I was asking myself if ( Read more... )

Even when I'm not on it, I'm on it. Defending myself. Defending what I think is right. Defending what I love. Defending the fact that I defend it all... Trying to find ways to end the defensive, and end up having to defend those attempts, as well. Thinking about things that people don't want to worry themselves thinking about, defending that. ( Read more... )

We are our worst, in a very real sense. We all have a darkness, we have all been through innumerable pains, most of which we can never share. It is these truths, these secrets that make us tick. What we cannot take back, what we can only regret, never make up for, never tell... All the "too late" and "sorry"... the past is the only thing about us ( Read more... )

Scheming to think more positively. Fighting back the urge to be as cynical as I have the potential of being. I'm just tired of trying to explain myself, of needing to explain myself to everyone. Shouldn't I just be honest, shouldn't it be enough that I do what I do? I've had some nerve expecting justification out of myself for so long - yet it's ( Read more... )