i am beginning to feel like i need to leave boulder. i never really felt like this before. boulder has always been 'home' and comfortable and comforting, if a bit dull sometimes. but it feels so small, so cloying now and so full of shadows of the past. i want to go somewhere i can escape from the past and just BE. i was doing this linguistics ( Read more... )

AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH oh my god... i feel an identity crisis coming on

i am so endlessly amused by life and its ability to make me want to laugh, cry and scream all at once

wahhh i wanna go back to bed. instead however i will pick up rec letters, check out library books, take a latin quiz and listen to my boss's endless chatter all the way to longmont teach bratty kids to decorate cookies- valentine cookies- feel the love.... i love my bed...zzzzzzzzzzz

i give up. hear that world! i give up. you win. ugh

why, why, why does it have to be like this? what did i do? i thought i had finally repented enough- that just maybe I deserved a little happiness in my life. as going over my entire romantic history the other night reminded me of, happiness does not seem to be a focal point in that part of my life. i thought things could be different- different ( Read more... )

I wish that life made more sense sometimes. I wish I didn't get the feeling that 'god' has a really sick sense of humour often at my own expense- or possibly that's just when I notice it the most. I mean is it simple passionless irony that I have run into aaron on campus more times in the last week (when I would have prefered to drink drano) than I ( Read more... )

god i miss him. fuck.

So I guess I found out that I need to let go. And I suppose that is a good thing. I mean leaving behind situations that were making me unhappy leaves more time and energy for those that do make me happy, right? I keep telling myself these things and it's just not helping. I'm hesitant to use the word 'love' because it's so potent yet undefined, and ( Read more... )

amare= verb. to love, to be fond of
amare= adverb. bitterly, acrimoniously

sigh, the irony of the title of my journal has been renewed for me once again.