you know its funny. i dont even GET high anymore off the stuff, but if i don't do it, i'm sick as a dog and wish i was dead, and for the most part, i already am ( Read more... )

i can honestly say i'm doing better.

i've been clean of everything for a week. panic is setting in.

being young, you think about how your life is going to turn out. it's funny how as a child you never see it turning out for the worse, you always see yourself doing something successful. unfortunately, imaginations wear down as we get older, and reality smacks us in the face and hardships are presented. looking at my life now, if i had known i was ( Read more... )

So in the end, was it worth it? Jesus Christ. How irreparably changed my life has become. It's always the last days of summer and I've been left out in the cold with no door to get back in. I'll grant you I've had more than my share of poignant moments. Life passes most people by when they're busy making grand plans for it. Throughout my lifetime I ( Read more... )

i went down to my old shop today. not to go get any work, or to go back to work, but just to check in and see how my baby was doing. i stood outside for awhile, admiring the sign above it, remembering how i took such pride in walking down the street and opening the door, knowing that it was my shop, and everyone else was shit in there but me. it ( Read more... )

my heart is beating so fast right now i feel like it could jump out of my chest and into my hand. i'd love it, i'd squeeze it until it pops, because i don't need it. i wonder if it's black like my lungs from all the smoking i've been doing. what to do, what to do, spark another smoke, snort another line, die a little more. i don't care. it matters ( Read more... )

i tried. i honestly tried ( Read more... )

my my, look at the time. i havent been to bed in 3 days. i'm fucking wired. i need drugs, and i need them right now. right this second i'm itching to slide a needle into my vien or to snort a line, or a couple, or more than a couple. i could take it. i want to. i want to badly. i need to. i'm shaking and it's hard to breathe. i'm out. i sold my ( Read more... )

i was sitting on the floor yesterday, with my head on my coffee table where i had just finished snorting several lines of coke, high as fuck and literally dead, in the state that i get where i think my heart stops beating when my neighbor came by. i couldnt move to get the door so i just sat there, numb. he came in anyway, he knew that i was home. ( Read more... )

trying to remember my first hit today, of both heroin and coke. not together of course, but individually. it's been so long it's impossible to tell one needle track from another. the first form the last and all the ones in between. i can't remember is the honest truth. whether i've blocked it out, or simply forgotten i don't know, but it's gone ( Read more... )