Words

[fjm]

"Sticks and stones will break my bones
But words will never harm me."

Possibly 1862, maybe earlier.

One of the great lies of the English nursery. Words are what make it possible for people to harm others: they set up legitimate targets, dehumanise the target, and ultimately excuse the attacker.

Comments

[cmcmck]

One of the greatest lies ever told and don't I know it!

[steepholm]

Yup. They have that softening up effect, but they're also harmful in themselves. (The existence of laws against libel, slander, defamation, etc., is a tacit admission of that, but of course it goes much wider.)

[lamentables]

That has been infuriating me for nigh on fifty years. My experience of it is as a kind of victim blaming - words can't hurt, so if you feel pain it's your own failure.

[swan_tower]

There's an xkcd comic where a kid has an argument with an adult about how "it's only words" isn't really a good defense against how hurtful they can be. In the grand tradition of xkcd comics, the really gutting part is the mouseover text, which has stuck with me ever since I read it:

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me think I deserved it.

[fjm]

Good one. I once put a more complex version of that forward. That's much easier to use.

[bopeepsheep]

Yes, exactly, and that's so much more damaging in the long run.

[desperance]

This one.

[danieldwilliam]

I see this sentiment as coming out of the Stoic tradition of being able to train yourself to not mind about words or reputation but to concentrate on being a good person according to your won lights. That the will is stronger than emotion.

So not a statement that words can’t hurt you but an exhortation to be the sort of person who is not affected by other person’s words or thoughts.

I’m of the view that the empirical evidence on the utility of Stoicism does not favour Stoicism.

[fjm]

It never seems to be used that way interestingly enough, although it is what I believe (to misquote Aral Vorkosigan: Reputation is what others know of you; honour is what you know of yourself.)

[swan_tower]

Also makes me think of Eleanor Roosevelt: "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." It's a concept I agree with, though of course the application is exceedingly thorny, what with "permission" not being a thing we can easily choose to withhold.

[vschanoes]

I've always hated that line. It has always seemed to me like an incredible way of blaming the victim. It is normal and human to feel inferior when treated poorly by others, and putting the blame for it on the victim for "consenting" drives me up the wall, and always has, ever since elementary school when I first encountered it.