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I feel like vile shit. I often lose sight of the fact that I am sick, and the few weeks of health that I expereince are fleeting. I don't know true health, and that is just a fact of my life. I'm over it, and I've stopped asking why at this point. perhaps I was able to ignore it all better during the summer, but once september comes reality shortly

I moved away from the apt that I killed myself in for almost 3 years, but I still have the same sinking feeling that perpetuated my need to run far away. I can't deal with Fall. It means reality.

a mess

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I'm changing my LJ over to 'friends only' for many reasons...needless to say, it is too diffcult to filter between groups. so comment to be added or start up an account...Yea, I'm still around.
(start up an LJ account, add me by going to user info and I'll add you back---I can't keep anyone without an account---sorry!)


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Never believe you are invincible--no matter what your heart tells you. I have spent years running through walls, and shit when you finally do hit one...you hit it hard, and it collapses on you with the weight of the world ( Read more... )

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I'm still here---just standing in quick sand. I'm looking back a year ago, where I happened to be standing, and well, like they always say---things can always get worse.

much worse.

But as long as you are still standing, you haven't been defeated.

I'm not the same person I was, and reality is sometimes too sick and sad for my head to grasp.

I've needed to take time to pull myself together. Unfortunately that never happened. I'm lost somewhere in between reality, and letting go of where I'm supposed to go. It's that great paradox in life---the sicker and sicker you become, at least for the neurotic ones, the more lost you become in your work. You want to escape the reality, or the ( Read more... )