By august i will be here no more. im planning on committing suicide, well I am going to commit suicide, because I cant live like this anymore.
on top of my ed im suffering from the worst pains ever in my bladder and abdominan, and the doctors cant figure out what it is, no meds can ease the pain. it hurts so much i've been lying in bed in agony.
its ( Read more... )

so i thought id see what i look like in a bikini, its been a long time since i've worn one.

( Read more... )

im so scared.
not of anyone of anything else but myself.
i dont know who i am anymore, im terrified of what ive become.
i wish so much i will go to bed and never wake up, i hate that there are beautiful happy people dying out there when they dont deserve it.
i deserve it.

i never believed in god, and i dont think i ever will.
a girl once told me her ed ( Read more... )

just as i expected, i've gained. not as much as i thought i would have though: 3lbs. i was 88lbs now im 91lbs, making my bmi 15.3.
two odd numbers, it makes me shudder.
but im going to stop myself from going into panic starvation mode and try to stay healthy. i've worked off 250calories already today, and had 150. im having dinner round a mates, but ( Read more... )

oh i love not being invited to stuff and having no friends.
thanks alot ed for destroying everything
actually maybe its not even the ed anymore, maybe its purely me.

i was sitting on my bed today reading my revision notes, correction attempting to read my revision notes but giving more attention to the fat i can pinch on my thighs, and i looked up and i just realised how much i love my boyfriend.
i cant believe im putting him through this.

but i fucking ate 1080 calories today, all because of them hideous exams ( Read more... )

my university said that because im unwell i can take some of my exams in august to reduce the pressure.

you know what is really, really lame? i dont think twice about my education, all that came to my mind was  'now i can start my fast earlier' and it made me happy.
the happiest iv been in a long time. everyone would be so wrapped in revising and my ( Read more... )

i decided that i just give up ( Read more... )

i know im going mad.
i seem to grow fears and phobias overnight and then they take over my life.
todays i just cant smell food, i dont know whether im scared it will trigger me to eat or purely because the thought of food makes me feel sick.
and in know this is so stupid but i feel guilty for smelling food, like im a complete fat whore for wanting it ( Read more... )

i dont why I've joined lj again. i guess because im scared of everything at the moment, and i feel like i need somewhere to lock away my thoughts and feelings.

my thoughts terrify me, all I can think about is ending this and my life is perfect. it actually is, i have everything i have ever wanted and more yet i still feel so depressed, so alone. I ( Read more... )