I havnt posted in years I think. 
I am so happy. Life is so good. I have met the most amazing guy in the world, and I am so in love with him.

And he treats me so good! He has a good job, he owns his own house which I will be moving into within a couple weeks, and he has a vehicle, and he a really really nice street bike, but best of all, he has a ( Read more... )

It took Connor 45 minutes to fall asleep tonight. He has been fighting sleep really bad again. Last night it took him a half an hour and then the night before it took 45 mintues. I wanted to go in and comfort him but I know it will just make things worse for the nights to come. I just wish I had a set schedual so I could work with him every night. ( Read more... )

I just couldnt do it. After 50 minutes of listening to him crying I had to go rock him to sleep. If I didn't live in an appartment then I would have waited it out until he fell asleep. But I can't just let him cry like that with my neighbors there to judge me. I really fucking hate this. I would ask my parents if I could just stay with them for a ( Read more... )

I hate this. this is so hard. He has only been crying for ten minutes and I am going insane. I can't stand it. I want so bad to go comfort him and just put him to bed by rocking but I know if I do this he will end up waking up within a couple hours just to be soothed back to sleep. I really wish I didn't have to do this alone. 

I am so sick of never getting sleep. I am sick of waking up 2-3 times a night. I am so tired. I just want to be able to sleep.

So I recently lost 9 pounds, got down to 131 and then ended up gaining 7 back in a week. I was kind of freaking out until I took my measurments. When I was 131 I took them as well. But anyways, I am exactly the same measurments now being 138 that I was being 131. So I am thinking all the weight I lost was water weight. I dont know how else to ( Read more... )

So I am getting fat. haha, not really but I have gained a little weight back ( Read more... )

I just ordered a book. Pretty much a self help with eating disorder. 
Today was the first day in a week and a half that I actually ate something substantial. 
I was living off of eating nothing but one kaiser roll and one serving of trail mix a day. 300 calories a day. Today I couldn't even get my self to eat because I got to the point where I was ( Read more... )

so today is going to be fun... NOT. 
I got Connor to bed at 1030, he woke up at 1230 then 330 then 530 and now he is awake, its 645. 
Today is going to be yet another really long day. I just hope he is in a better mood than he was yesterday. 
ug.... 

I want to get into therapy for my eating disorder so bad but I have no idea where to go. I've looked online for close by therapy but the closest is anchorage. We have our small counsling centers but I've done that for depression and it didnt help at all. 
I want to go to an actualy therapist. I am so sick of this. I am going to really hurt my self, ( Read more... )