I can't make these small moments any less wonderful... Even if the feeling isn't mirrored.

I always swear to leave well enough alone - I've done it since I was 14, and it never works. I'm in a very familiar jealous angsty tizzy about something not even necessarily real - the fact that maybe Noel is off on a date and I am in love with her... the more I talk to her, the deeper I get ( Read more... )

Things are falling apart rapidly with lis. On the other hand, I'm falling hard for Noel as she seems less and less interested. I really need to lose the weight... Maybe that would make the difference. The more time I spend with her, the more I know we would work... If I were male. Life, you can be quite cruel. Another Sam all over again.

So the problem with not wasting years of my life slowly falling out of love before mercifully ending a relationship is when I do it in a timely fashion, it hurts like hell ( Read more... )

Last night, Lis and I went to her childhood friend Glenn's house for his early birthday... Drinking and smoking. She's been reconnecting with him since he came to our housewarming. And I met this bisexual Italian chick named Gianna, who was relatively cute. She got smashed and I kissed her and flirted a little before she puked her guts up and then ( Read more... )

She deigned to spend two nights with us. Tonight she was more cuddly. We watched a real tearjerker, A Single Man, which made me really think. And sob ( Read more... )

It's not easy to wait all day for a job that's the only way out of the misery, but is so uncertain. And then not get a call ( Read more... )

Still with Lis, still broke, hanging out w Lis and Noel Saturday. Still harboring stupid feelings. Had a dream last night that I went to a Billy Joel concert and met up with Sam, who wanted to hang out. She changed her shirt and I looked away, awkwardly- but her chest was like Noel's. I'm mingling the two in my psyche... I haven't even spoken to ( Read more... )

My horoscope this week hinted at changes in my love life. And simplifying things. Not that what some yahoo at yahoo says is enough in and of itself to sway me ( Read more... )

It doesn't help that I'm in a bad place in life , or have a gf I'm not sure about. But after a lot of drama that nobody wanted it's becoming clear I need to leave Noel alone. It's hard. I always want who I can't have. It's almost pathological.