I found out a couple of months ago that my mother died. I’ve still been having a hard time with it feeling like it isn’t real. Everything in my head had been pretty calm for quite awhile until I found that out
Apparently I don’t mix well with grief

Well, this is my second Christmas spent with St Elizabeth hospital. I think the first one was because of seizures, I honestly don't remember it very well, I just remember I had gotten out right before my birthday and went right back in right after. Last year I was at the state hospital during the holidays but on Christmas night I began having ( Read more... )

I'm so exhausted. Even when I sleep, I don't get rest. My mind is constantly racing. Nightmares seem to be the only thing I have when I am sleeping. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to keep a job when I can barely keep my eyes open, how I'm supposed to take classes when I can barely think but I will. I have to do this. I have to be a normal person ( Read more... )

The darkness is setting in, I'm scared. I haven't slept more than fifteen hours total in over a week. I'm exhausted but my mind is racing. My thoughts swirl around and my head spins. I'm dying slowly because I can't get any rest. I need rest. I just want rest. I look back at blogs from years ago and it's the same thing, sadness, fear, exhaustion. ( Read more... )

So much has happened. I spent a year and four days in Evansville State Hospital where I thought I met the man of my dreams. We got married, I knew better even before we got married because of what happened the day he got home but everyone expected it and if we wouldn't have gotten married it would have complicated so many things, so I did it..... ( Read more... )

Today my roommate and I are going shopping, I am taking her out to lunch and then possibly getting a pedicure because I need one quite badly. Then George is coming over this evening and we are going to cuddle up and watch some movies. At least one with Kash and Kirsten and then one in my room where we can just spend time together. We are also going ( Read more... )

I talked to Beverly today on the phone. She has agreed to see me for the weeks in November as long as I drop Medicare but told me that her supervisor and the director of the program have been and are continuing to tell her that I really need csp, which is through the same program but is for those people who have more severe mental illnesses. I told ( Read more... )

I lost my therapist today. She was the first therapist I have ever seen to ever really help me. Even the way I am handling this shows a marked improvement in my emotional health. I'm sad though and to be honest, I'm going to miss her. I told her, she told me she would miss me too. I sobbed on her floor for quite a long time. I stupidly cut in the ( Read more... )

[Possibly triggering]The truth is, I am doing much better with my eating disorder, that is true. I have even been forcing myself not to weigh a lot of times a day but the truth is also that I have been struggling with a lot of suicidal thoughts lately. I am being honest with my therapist and this week we discussed what the best course of action is for me right now. She ( Read more... )

So, I've been doing really well with my eating disorder (I remember a point in time whenever I wouldn't even admit that I had one), rarely purging or bingeing and eating enough that I am gaining a small amount of weight, I definitely don't need to gain weight but right now as long as it's because I am recovering, I will do my best not to freak out ( Read more... )