i ate nachos today. i walked to a park and drank water. then i purged. i walked to the grocery store and got dristan and cough syrup. i drank sum cough syrup. sat on swings. felt like i wanted to cut..i brought a piece of glass, blade and sum tissue with me. but i didnt do it.
i came home and started to cry..after i had a shower. i got dressed and ( Read more... )

wow..it took a while to get this done..but i did it..and like it for now..i'm kind of impressed..since i don't know that much about livejournal and putting things together like i just did....mayb i'll eat sum popcorn..not that i'm hungry..but its low cal. and i want sumthing to munch on...i did enough exercise today so i'm going to watch sum tv.. ( Read more... )

i had sum yogurt b4 i met my sister for her lunch break..i wanted ice cream..but watched her eat sum gelato stuff (italian ice cream) instead..then an hour later..i bought two scoops of ice cream. one kind was raspberry cheesecake, the other was a caramel kind. i ate a few bites of the each one, then threw the rest away...i walked really fast to ( Read more... )

i feel this darkness..not depression. its crept up on me before. it exists way deep inside and appears to enjoy the fear and pain it makes me feel. have to try and not let it win.my arms r still tingly..trying not to cut...
on my way to losing weight now. thats another major change inside of me right now. mayb another 'part' of me has decided to ( Read more... )

i feel this darkness..not depression. its crept up on me before. it exists way deep inside and appears to enjoy the fear and pain it makes me feel. have to try and not let it win.my arms r still tingly..trying not to cut...
on my way to losing weight now. thats another major change inside of me right now. mayb another 'part' of me has decided to ( Read more... )

i went for a walk. it took a while to leave the house. i was so nervous..i took an ativan..which didn't help..i bought a tea then walked to the park..sat on the swings until i saw a little gurl..and that set things off in me..and i had to leave..and then a lot of things on the way back, triggered things inside of me..its like sumone inside, was ( Read more... )

today kind of sucked. i woke up depressed..feeling fat. now..i'm numb. i walked around for 2 hrs. then ate an eat-more bar..exercised a bit..i wasn't going to eat..but thought it would b ok to. i dunno...ocd is kicking in..my arm keeps tingling because in a strange way..it wants me to cut myself..i can't explain it..trying to take deep breaths...i ( Read more... )

i stumbled across my old diary on here from a year ago. strange reading it. i need to learn how to make this diary look better..knowing me i'll get pissed off and just delete the damn thing ha...