secrets worth keeping [14/15]
Pairings: Kris/Lay, Xiumin/Luhan, one sided!Taoris, Kris/Chanyeol
Genre: High School!AU
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 2, 380
Summary: Wu Fan is the star player of the school’s basketball team and a known ladies man. But Yixing discovers that it’s not all quite what it seems.
prologue |
one |
two |
three |
four |
five |
six |
seven |
{xiuhan side story} |
eight |
nine |
ten |
eleven |
twelve |
{taochen side story} |
thirteen | fourteen |
fifteen Yixing doesn’t go back to the others after he walks away from the gym, instead, he spends the remainder of lunch walking aimlessly up and down the corridor. His mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions all tumbling over each other, tangling up in a confused mess, an unstable balance of anger and frustration.
The thing is, he supposes he shouldn’t be angry at all. He knows exactly where Wu Fan stands on revealing their relationship and its obvious how terrified he is about it. But even that does not stop the tears prickling at the corners of his eyes because even if the thought is slightly selfish, Yixing just wishes it could all be easier.
When the bell sounds, he goes to class, sitting in Zitao’s usual spot so that he is between Lu Han and Jongdae, effectively away from Wu Fan. Zitao gives him a look as he goes to take a different seat, his eyebrows rising so high that they disappear into his hair. Lu Han leans over, concern flickering across his face.
“Where were you all lunch? Did something happen?”
Yixing bites his lip, pointedly opening his book and starting on the work.
“I don’t want to talk about it right now,” he whispers, refusing to lift his head, preferring to let his hair hang down, low over his eyes to hide the conspicuous shine of tears.
Lu Han’s hand creeps across his desk and settles on his arm, fingers squeezing his wrist gently.
“Okay, but tell me after class alright?”
Yixing nods. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he goes to fish it out, pausing in his movement when he sees Wu Fan’s name flash on to the screen. He sniffs and places it on his desk, the screen facing down as he continues to work on the questions. He hears Lu Han whisper something to Minseok and he just knows Zitao and Jongdae are swapping suspicions beside him.
Yixing only lets himself glance up once during the lesson and when he is immediately greeted with Wu Fan’s large eyes watching him unhappily, he drops his gaze straight away.
*
Lu Han catches his arm as they go to leave, dragging him back from the others into a quieter part of the corridor. Yixing watches the heads of the other students bob past and he shrivels up against the wall, wanting to remain inconspicuous.
“Tell me now,” Lu Han says, and his eyes plead for the truth, wide and empathetic.
Yixing exhales. He sees Minseok send them both a worried look before he is lost among the rest of the students leaving class.
“I overheard Wu Fan talking to the guys on the basketball team and…he said a few things that weren’t very nice.”
Lu Han frowns. “Like…?” He nudges Yixing lightly, implying he should continue.
“They were teasing him, saying they heard a rumour about him - that he’s gay.” Lu Han’s eyes grow slightly wider at this and he inhales sharply. “And then someone said that maybe that’s why he hangs out with me, that we’re a couple,” Yixing continues, feeling himself deflate, “but of course he denied it and said that something like that would be “disgusting”.”
Lu Han makes a small sound like a wounded animal and his arms come up quickly to wrap around Yixing, fitting snugly just under his arms with his fingers curling into the back of Yixing’s jumper.
“You know he didn’t mean it right? I mean he loves you Yixing, it’s so obvious.” Lu Han’s voice is muffled and warm against Yixing’s chest. He is right, and Yixing knows it, but it’s still not enough to stop the dull ache he feels when he thinks of the way the words sounded coming from Wu Fan.
“I know,” he says softly, “but sometimes, I wonder if he’s ashamed of me. Like I’m not good enough for him to show off to everyone as his boyfriend. And I guess, hearing that didn’t help.”
Lu Han pulls away, eyes serious as they watch Yixing. His hands slip down and catch Yixing’s hands in his own, thumbs smoothing circles into the centre of his palm.
“That’s not true Yixing, he’s just scared. Who wouldn’t want to show you off?” Lu Han pinches his cheek, a small reassuring smile playing on his lips and Yixing feels himself lighten a little. He offers his own twitch of a smile and loops an arm around Lu Han’s waist, leading them both down the now empty corridor, towards the exit.
“I’m so lucky I have you,” Yixing says truthfully, his voice almost catching in his throat from sheer emotion. Lu Han just grins and pulls him closer, nodding happily.
“I agree. You’re very lucky to have me.”
He laughs and Yixing can feel the way it rumbles against his rib cage.
*
Yixing doesn’t offer Wu Fan much thought that night, choosing to occupy himself with English study for the test the next day. Minseok and Lu Han comes over later in the evening, Lu Han sporting a wide grin before he bounds into Yixing’s arms, spinning around with a laugh.
“Guess who won at the dance competition?” he says, eyes crinkled so much by his smile that they almost completely disappear beneath his cheeks.
Yixing can’t stop the grin spreading across his own face. “Well if it’s not you, then you’re a really good sport.”
Lu Han rolls his eyes and Yixing pulls him into a hug.
“Congratulations! I knew you’d do well!”
Minseok smiles from where he stands at the door.
“He was amazing. The judges were completely stone faced until he came on stage. And I’m pretty sure by the end of it, they were all smiling,” he says, crossing his arms, eyes shining proudly. Lu Han bites his lip as his smile turns a little shyer, unwinding himself from Yixing as he links his hand with Minseok’s, demonstrating his gratefulness.
“Thanks,” he mumbles and Minseok leans over to place a light kiss on his cheek.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t come,” Yixing says, feeling a prickle of guilt.
Lu Han shrugs. “That’s alright, you knew the dance back to front anyway, and besides, Minseok was more than enough.”
Yixing lets out a short laugh. “I’ll bet.”
“We’re going out to dinner now though, did you want to come?” Lu Han asks and Yixing almost immediately shakes his head.
“I really can’t, I’m so sorry! I have to study tonight.”
Lu Han wishes him good luck with his study before tugging Minseok back down the street, talking and giggling as their hands swing manically between them. Yixing watches them go with fading amusement, feeling his elation turn sour as his mind wanders to Wu Fan. With a groan, he rubs his eyes and reluctantly walks back up to his room.
*
In the morning, Yixing sits just past the school gates on one of the wooden benches littering the grounds. He chews on his pen as he goes over last minute revisions, eyes frenzied, flicking back and forth between words.
“Yixing.”
Yixing almost automatically smiles at the voice, feeling a desire to curl up in the way it sounds pronouncing his name. But then he remembers how it sounded dismissing their relationship and reality crashes back over him with a sickening lurch.
“I’m busy Wu Fan,” says, none too nicely. Wu Fan ignores that and softly sits down beside him. Out of the corner of his eye, Yixing sees him reach over, as if to place a reassuring hand on his knee, but then he pulls back; uncertain.
“I’m sorry,” Wu Fan says and Yixing looks at him, almost immediately regretting it because fuck, he almost forgot how attractive Wu Fan is.
“I heard everything you said in the gym.”
“I know.”
Wu Fan looks down at the table, watching his hands squeeze together, fingers nervously rubbing against his knuckles. He slouches in his position, shoulders hunched over and knees tucked in to his body; the sort of nervousness he only ever shows around Yixing.
“I didn’t mean it...” he begins but Yixing feels the anger surge back at his words, and he realises by this stage, that It may be slightly irrational, but he just doesn’t care.
“You didn’t mean what Wu Fan? You didn’t mean to deny that we’re going out? Or did you not mean that together we would be ‘disgusting’? The only thing you didn’t mean, we for me to overhear you say those things.” Yixing’s voice is slightly raised and his breathing is erratic, hands curled into fists where they rest on the table in front of him.
Wu Fan shakes his head violently, eyes wide. This time he really does reach over, placing a hand on Yixing’s shoulder, wincing as the latter flinches away from his touch.
“Please Yixing, it was a stupid thing to say. I was an idiot okay? You know im just not ready..”
“Wu Fan, you will never be ready okay! You’ve gone your whole life not being ready, and the only person who can change that is you!”
Yixing sighs angrily and collects his books in a flurry, stalking off to find a quiet place in the library to study instead.
*
He forgets about it all for the duration of the test, choosing to turn his focus towards spelling each word correctly, remembering capital letters and full stops and the grammatical structure of each sentence. He finishes with five minutes to spare and as they filter out from the classroom, he can feel Wu Fan’s presence following him. It isn’t until they’re outside that Yixing turns around to face him.
“What is it?”
“Please talk to me.”
Yixing grabs his arm and tugs him to the side of the building, to a darkened untouched area. It vaguely occurs to him that this is the place Wu Fan told him about breaking up with Chanyeol. He crosses his arms and looks at Wu Fan waiting for him to begin speaking. Wu Fan blinks at him, slightly taken-aback. He hesitantly brings his hands up to curl around Yixing’s arms, the fingers warm even through the fabric of his jumper.
“You know I’m sorry,” he starts to say and when he sees that Yixing is about to retort, he quickly continues, “but, you’re right, it’s all my fault. And I want to tell everyone Yixing I do! But I’m just so frightened and I know I’ve said that before but, I just - I can’t. You don’t understand…”
“No you don’t understand Wu Fan! You don’t understand how much it hurts to see you like that! You don’t understand that I can’t even really be angry at you! You don’t understand how much I love you!”
Yixing just stares at him, breathing heavy, chest rising and falling rapidly. It takes a moment for what he’s just said to sink in and he almost cringes at the slip, because it was so easy; effortless, as though it had been waiting to be said for far too long. It probably was overdue after all.
Wu Fan’s eyes widen and his fingers slacken, slipping away from Yixing’s arms.
“You what?”
Yixing sighs, and rubs at a spot on his forehead.
“I said I love you.”
“Y-You love me?”
Yixing nods, attempting to swallow the lump lodged in his throat. It doesn’t budge.
“I do,” he whispers, “I really, really, do.”
Wu Fan doesn’t reply, letting out a small gasp before leaning forward and kissing Yixing’s lips. It’s soft and delicate, an attempt to capture the moment, to demonstrate his own appreciation with nothing more than skin against skin. Yixing feels himself relaxing, his hands moving up, over Wu Fan’s chest and looping around his neck, reminding him how seamlessly - how perfectly - they fit together.
“I’m so sorry,” he breathes, as he kisses Yixing over and over again, “I’m so sorry.”
Yixing moves away, but his hands remain looped around Wu Fan’s neck and Wu Fan’s fingers curl around his waist. Wu Fan sighs, and it’s warm against Yixing’s nose.
“I just want you to know, that I’m not ashamed of you Yixing. Please never think that.”
At Yixing’s questioning look, he ducks his head in embarrassment.
“Lu Han spoke to me,” he explains softly and Yixing smiles a little at that, leaning in to Wu Fan’s touch against his cheek. His fingers follow the line of his jaw before cupping it, thumb brushing every so lightly across Yixing’s lips. Yixing quivers a little, bringing his arms down and letting his fingers clench in Wu Fan’s jacket, tugging him closer.
“I don’t blame you for the way you are about this Wu Fan. It’s just - it hurt to hear those words come out of your mouth.”
Wu Fan nods, his eyes swimming with guilt and regret.
“You deserve someone better than me Yixing.”
Yixing looks at him sharply, his grip tightening almost possessively. It’s said so easily, almost too easily, that Yixing supposes he must have thought about it often.
“Don’t be stupid, you’re the most perfect person I could have ever wanted.”
Wu Fan smiles and Yixing follows it with a grin.
“But don’t let that get to your head okay?” Yixing says, poking Wu Fan on the nose.
Wu Fan pokes out his tongue and wriggles a little closer, hips touching.
“Am I forgiven?”
Yixing sighs loudly and twists out of his grasp.
“Yes you dummy. Now let’s go find Lu Han and ask him how many answers he left blank in the test.”
It’s just so simple to go back to what they were like before, with Wu Fan’s grip around his hand, their shoulders pressed against each other as they walk - such an effortless relationship. Wu Fan’s smile is dazzling, reaching right up to the corners of his eyes.
“How did you go?” he asks Yixing, gaze unfaltering.
Yixing grins. “Finished early.” He winks and Wu Fan laughs loudly, slapping his outstretched hand in a hi-five.
“You do me proud.”
“I should hope so” Yixing says, elbowing him in the side.
*
AN: angry!yixing is not a common sight really. so much angst odg and im sorry this chapter was short-ish! Ill do my best to make the next one (THE LAST ONE OMG) extra long. we're so close guys! and im really glad you have all stuck with me until the end~ thank you so much, I love you all ♥ (if anyone else wants a spot for the last chapter, just let me know~)