A long awaited email just arrived in my inbox to inform me that I have, in fact, been accepted into the Ph.D program at the UF College of Medicine. Its for real! I'm getting a doctorate in neuroscience! (or pharmacology, whichever I choose)

FUCK YEAH!!

Can't hold me down bitches.

Have someone say the following sentence out loud in their best southern drawl while you try to keep a straight face ( Read more... )

That its okay to molest children, as long as you're rich.


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Want to know how awesome I am? Phase 1 of the palmitoylation agonist project is a complete success. I own genetic cloning. I am also the queen of mutagenesis. Let the ass-kissing commence!

I'm getting drunk.

See what happens* when you turn the lights off in the trailer park for a few hours ( Read more... )

Verdict: The chemically-retarded nurse and the phlebotomically-challenged nurse are indeed two different people.

Corollary: I am physiognomically-handicapped.

Also noteworthy:

Calcium chlorate solution is also used as a disinfectant, so they might as well have injected Chlorox bleach after all.

There's no better way to spoil a perfectly good swordfish dinner than with a cheesy Japanese horror flick. Take "Infection" for instance, a low-budget, poorly acted "Dawn of the Dead" rip-off posing as some kind of new-age psychedelic thriller that doesn't require a plot.


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Why is it that the only feasible way to eliminate these discolored marks that have accumulated over months of compulsive skin picking is to irradiate it beyond all recognition? Once my skin is effectively scorched from hours of unremitting UV exposure, all of my various skin flaws will take on a deep purplish hue which eventually retreats into the ( Read more... )

Yesterday morning I observed a singular phenomenon not yet reported in any Theoretical Physics journal that I've ever read1. It was detected that while traveling on the back roads undulating through the more provincial regions of our beloved peninsula, time actually seems to speed up. Note that in Einstein's Special Theory of Relativity, time slows ( Read more... )

One might expect that with all the pomp and prestige surrounding the medical professional, what with its grueling admissions process, the 8+ agonizing years of rogue memorization, of force-fed, fact-churning, latin-farting, innard-probing, anatomical gibberish followed by two years of indentured servitude and forced insomnia, that at the end of the ( Read more... )