it always kind of wierds me out when people read this. i mean its basically some sort of way for me to process things and all that, but I guess it is a open forum. Of course watever facts that exist on this blog can and will be distorted and/or misiterprited-or quite possibly i might purposely state things that are exagerated to catch people ( Read more... )

i have been slacking on posting a lot. But today two of the three forums i post on were hacked and both of my websites are down. Paranoia creeps in a bit i guess, but really? they are just words. otherwise here's a pcture of ahnold smoking a joint.


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today i was called for work and my newly fixed car broke down on the way. well, not really broke down but was overheating in some way where the car would'nt get into gear. I had already borrowed like $500 to fix the car in the first place and now i was in the hole possibly another $300. which is a lot for a laborer. But i go into physical therapy ( Read more... )

at points I cross madness, and at points i dive deep into despondace. Like the shadow of death creeps over me. Where i was and where i end up? i don't know anymore. I am half crippled from years of abuse upon my bodei and half lucid sometimes within the dream. Or what dreams i guess? i merely glide with it the best i can and try to project the ( Read more... )

today i got out of the house to find work. Did'nt really find work but at least i scraped together enough changbe to buy a cup of coffee. Ack, i am really just zenfull today...reawakened to the whole ordeal and realized that the chaos of life is just the chaos of life. No better and no worse. Otherwise I reawaken to the dream and try to keep on ( Read more... )

as of late i have been languishing in slack of all kinds, and otherwise delving deep into neuroticism and its seven degrees. Every time i lose serenity i draw myself back, but the mind will wander a bit into the depths of some dark pit and then i find myself in a sort of daze for a while needing to draw back my viseral focus as far as the ( Read more... )

i am kind of at awe at the processes that take place, i still am floundering a bit with money and/or women however for the most part i have found the best way to retain serenity is to tackle the insecurites and doubts ( Read more... )

for all its worth i have delved far deep into the darkness pit of my psyce, a neurotic hell where every little tedious detail and insecuritie is mulled over endlessly with all the concessions of past regrets ( Read more... )

its a kind of game i guess i play, i implictly enjoy torturing myself to such a degree that most would or should be scared if they ever discovered my own implications? I think a great deal of that is dwelling in my insecurites and pretty much dragging that out, and of course they all seem to follow the same lines as much. I guess i have a ( Read more... )

today i finally got my new poetry section up on my site, went for a walk from my house to brownes, am trying to preserve my cars gas for vital endevers like work or escaping to idaho i guess. I've been enjoying walking for the most part and as yet it makes me feel a lot better, although i need to scrape some money together to fix my bike so i can ( Read more... )