So, I'm really fucked up.
I guess, in a way.

I compromised my morals, and I keep looking back at that one kid.  The first kid I really loved, and I wonder how he is.  And what he's like now, and how jealous I am of the people that are his friends.

I feel like I've lost all of my friends because I chose to.  I feel so utterly and completely alone ( Read more... )

I'm obsessed with my body in the worst kind of way.
And my refrigerator beeps at me when I leave it open to long,
pleading with myself to eat something- anything- so I wont binge later.

And those pictures
of those girls
with the ribs
and the veins

remind me of train running on RAILS.

and those pictures you google,
and the testimonies you read
of lives lost
( Read more... )

I have a lack of motivation, to do practically everything.
I went gym hunting- because I think I've gained 5 pounds now.
I'm busting my ass to do the Memory Book only to have to go back and re-do pages and what not.
I feel like Ryan and I haven't talked in ages, but we hang out every day.
My room is a complete mess and I have no desire to clean it ( Read more... )

I watched her as she stood there- arms bent,
Poised to begin her performance,
as her shoulderblades jutted out;
her back half covered by the shadow from her protruding bones.

That- right there- She stood for everything I wish I could forget.
Happy as I may be now- she stands as the bridge to so many memories I won't ever forget, no matter how hard I ( Read more... )

Goodmorning ( Read more... )

There are a lot of people I miss.
And a lot of wrongs I wish I could right.
So many problems I wish I could fix.
And so many unhappy faces I want to put a smile on.

But I remember I can't.
All I can do is stand by, walk along side,
and hope to God I can do something right for once.

I'll stay up all night watching the stars burn like fireflies that don't move to the beat in my head because they were all long ago dead. Floating in the terrible space where man and creation lost its grace and it was all about the nuclear arms race- back when armstrong ruled the world ( Read more... )

I hate to make such a sappy entry.

But he makes me feel so amazing : )

The rain is pounding...
like dynomite on the inside of my skull.
I wish it would stop, give up.
relentless.
sheets, like ice, that soak, drip, smother everything with its cold core.
and listening to the pounding, pounding, pounding of the windows.
just STOP for one moment, while I collect myself.
prepare myself, for your next wave of droplet infantry.

( Read more... )

it was the white noise that deficated society
the judgement that broke the hippies back
the off beat drummer boy that marched back the troops from 'Nam
because those people, those places, those things, become white noise
The dull roar in the middle of the hallway while ten thousand words spill aimlessly into the air like water down the drain, and ( Read more... )