So I decided I'm going to actually update this like a normal person : )
And join some cool Harry Potter communities again like the OLDDD DAAYYSS
Of Hogwarts Houses before it got ruined and turned into Hogwarts is Home : (

Memories none-the-less and that's where I met Cat and a few other of my
important elJay friends.

But on a new note I got a drumset!

( Photo Under Here : ) )

I'm not stupid.

Powerbars.

F.I.N.T

I thought I was happy.
I really did.

I have my friends.
And drumline.
Good grades.
A new drumset to look forward to.
Parents that trust me.
A car and soon to be liscense.
Internship.
Support.
I like my self image.
I thought I was happy.

but then I find myself down.
kneeling to be exact.
infront of the toilet.
and I think to myself- I don't think you are happy.
I ( Read more... )

Sometimes I could JUST KICK MYSELF.

Argh- Is there on a sign on my back that says play with Rachel's emotions??
Sometimes I really think there is.
And I let it happen- oh I did. 
But then again I'm happy it did.

I'm ADD, OCD, ADHD, SOMETHING D-

DUMB.

Here it goes:

( The Truth about My Feelings )

Sometimes I get scared.
To think my life could be over by the time I'm 22 scares me.
The doctors don't understand what that does to a 16 year old.
I'm looking at colleges- MED SCHOOL!
Future dreams and hopes and kids names and wedding dresses.

For what?
For the 65% chance it's going to be gone?
That when I'm 22 I'll be incoherent for the rest of my life?
( Read more... )

I keep filling this void. With other things, in hopes it will fill up.
And I pretend, no I tell myself, just busy myself, thinking I'm fine about this.
And I ignore it, ignorance is bliss when you ignore your own heart.
But on the inside I'm missing it, and I'm dieing to wish you do too.
So I'll keep filling it, with friends, and school, and plans, ( Read more... )

Last night,
was quite possibly.
One of the most fun
nights I've had in a LONG time.

Props to Erica and Rachel V for owning so hard.
And the letter X never looked so Vogue.

: )

Movies tonight with more of the crew.
Bryce, Jena, Leah, Tater, Lindsey, Katie and so onnnnn.
I love having ridiculous amounts of friends.

Always plans to be made....always, always.

p ( Read more... )

Oh Rachel-
where have you gone?

Right here,
before your eyes.
She hyponotizes herself
into believing it all.
The she snaps herself
back into reality
and smiles because
she loves herself.

This is just a game.
A horrible, silly, silly game I play in my head.
These thoughts, but pieces on the board.

This silly, silly game.
For a silly, silly heart.
Glance, swift- now!
Before sly eyes meet.

Didn't see, didn't see.
Walk, talk, GLANCE!
didn't see, didn't see.
Talk, walk, DANCE.
didn't see, never see.
steal the scene away.
Didn't see- didn't see ( Read more... )