well my diet isn't going very well first off.  it's a pain in the ass to count calories.  i lost 9 pounds then gained back two.  but i feel no different.  i still feel fat ( Read more... )

i have a cold, just thought you should know that.  i got weighed yesterday and i lost 6 lbs.  so i entered my new weight into my calorie counter application on my ipod and you know what it fucking does!!!!!!!????? it reduces my allowed calorie intake.  like i'm not starving enough.

ok so i started my lifestyle change(again) yesterday.  i am allowed 1400 calories a day.  i will lose two pounds a week(more if i exercise) and by may 3rd i will have lost 30 lbs.  it was so hard to do it yesterday.  i have an app on my ipod that helps me keep track of the calories.  but yeah it was really hard.  i went over the calorie limit i ( Read more... )

alone again on a friday night.  it's really sad. 

have D&D tonight. not really looking forward to it for the first time.  Beginning to not really like the group.  maybe because i don't really know the other people.  don't really have that comraderie(sp?) ya know.  can't really joke around and go off on random tangents.  but then again i don't really know the people i play with on friday's either ( Read more... )

so i went and had my cervix scraped of cancer cells yesterday and found out i was over 200 lbs.  ugh!  what a pain so now i have to lose 30 lbs.  why you ask.  because every time i go over 200 lbs i make myself lose 30 that way i'm not constantly struggling to stay just under 200.  it's so hard to do it with lucas living here.  he's not much for ( Read more... )

well i just discovered that lucas created a profile on plentyoffish.com(a dating site that i am on as well as his ex girlfriend) at first i kind of cared but then i was like..."good" and then i'm thinking how is it even possible for him to date someone.  he can't take care of himself.  he does nothing for himself.  does he really think he's gonna ( Read more... )

i just feel so blah right now that i don't even really feel like writing.  i'm horny....which makes me very blah if i don't get any.   i'm lonely.  he just took a shower and i know he jerked off cuz when he got out the shower his dick was kind of big.  i notice these things, i know these things.  i hate that i know these things and are this ( Read more... )

Mind overrun with thoughts of nothing
Thoughts of an impending doom
Unable to stop

Unable to control
Everything falling apart
No phoenix here
To many ashes to rise from
Scorched and burnt beyond repair
I knew
I saw
Yet could not stop it
Can only blow the ashes away
To carry in the wind
To carry in my broken soul

I don't think i mentioned i write poems so here's one

You seep into my veins

And destroy every aspect of my being

I can’t stand your worthless thoughts

Your hollow eyes

Your foul stench

I can see you watching me

Taking over my life

Wrapping your veil of darkness around me

I tried to kill you

But you only bled me more

I am lost forever ( Read more... )