i feel no relation to myself. my bones are always trying to lurch out of my skin and a running river rage rushes through them in the dead of night. this rage wakes me up and throws me, turning over and over again. the bones themselves ache with something that isn't me, a mutiny starting deep in the marrow. my mother looks at me with a glint in her ( Read more... )

and when the sinner has just been reduced to his sin, where can he go? no church will take him, no mother will look upon him while he sleeps. didn't you hear about the new world? the man you love is leaving town and he's gonna be famous and all his letters home will reek of alcohol and glitter will fall out and coat your lap and your shoes. ( Read more... )

dont take this the wrong way, im just curious. are you gonna remember this slimey feeling?

new years resolutions are to wear more black and to hold you more. i just want to feel more love. standing on your lawn with a boombox over my head always. i stayed up all night just so i could tell you i loved you and so that was the first thing i said to ( Read more... )

sometimes i think it gets unhealthy, trading late night delusions back and forth like a deck of cards. dear god, dear jesus, dear joan of arc. i look in your eyes and it seems impossible not to tell you we're made of the same cloth they cut for saints, martyrs and very talented musicians. dear god, dear jesus, dear joan of arc. i dont think i could ( Read more... )

i think a lot about that quote from invisible monsters, talking about how no matter how much you love someone, youll always step back when their pool of blood gets too close for comfort. but i dont think i would. i love your blood--metaphorically and literally--i love your filth i love the stain you leave on my shoes i love the feeling when it ( Read more... )

i think i suffer from how much love we hold. like a worn child's stuffed animal, i have been loved until im unrecognizable, i have let love turn me into a matted, vomit stained version of my former self. love has rendered me unloveable. i would say it's ironic but it isn't, i always knew it was going to turn out like this. im a prophet of love, i ( Read more... )

you must remember looking for me. i begged for you

i drew your dog last night. not sure how i feel about it, she looks too much like you. doesnt love feel stale when you aren't at each others throats. doesnt this feel better. it would feel a lot better if you would look me in the eyes. i want to scream i want to fight i want to feel something with you. something besides adoration. give me something ( Read more... )

i wish i could take it all back. i obsess over this image playing in my head over and over of me eating a bowl of my words like its cereal. snap out of the drug trip screaming, wake up in a bed soaked with sweat, all alone. i never said this i never said youneversaidthat. water so hot and scrubbing so vigorous i might be able to scratch it out of ( Read more... )

crushedpillsandnicotine. december comes up like a freight train but im busy doing things that remind me of you. not sleeping because lying down forces me to think about my body. how im positioned, how each of my limbs fold uncomfortably. its all uncomfortable. i wish i could throw myself in the washing machine with your detergent. ill never feel ( Read more... )