wow.  he really wants to be friends.  i wish i was a better person.  i can't do it.  it tears me into tiny pieces that when magnified under intense light are nothing but excruciating feelings of worthlessness and self-abasement.  he makes me feel ugly not because he's pretty but because he does not want me in the same intensity or capacity as i do ( Read more... )

so, the other day i randomly ran into something on the web in relation to someone i was very emotionally attached to about 6 years ago.  his name is edgar, and i had an intense emotional connection to him.  i'm sure that somewhere underneath everything, he knew that i was probably in love with him.  anyway, i emailed him to see how he was doing.  i ( Read more... )

so, initially my boss at the hotel was only going to give me saturday night off.  that was the 17th of march, my birthday.  however, because of scheduling conflicts, that worked in my favor, he decided to give me friday off too.  cong, i really owe you!

let me start off by saying that i have never in my now 25 years of life partied as hard as i did ( Read more... )

as my birthday approaches, i think deeply about the past year.  it was all a blur.  i can't even remember what i mostly listened to this year.  hmm...  well, this past week, i've been heavily listening to cocteau twins--mostly their earlier work.  also, i've had their bbc sessions on heavy rotation.  i guess i'm in a very trascendental mood.  my ( Read more... )

i don't have anything to write about lately.  i just spent about 80 usd on skincare products that i bought at bath and body works.  the line is called anthony: logistics for men.  it works quite well.  in combination with borderline over-hydration, it works quite well.  my skin tone and quality are improving.  that's all. 

they asked what is life like for you now?  i have NEVER felt so isolated.  it has been only a week, but my time is completely placed into little blocks on a pda, telling me when i'm to next go to work.  i know that once everything is settled at the hotel, my social life should be a bit more active.  i am not in panic.  i like work; i like both of ( Read more... )

ohms, angstroms, kilometers, and nanoseconds...

i had corn flakes and strawberries for breakfast--about five minutes ago.  yes, i recently awoke.  i'm listening to joy division, which is about to turn into justin timberlake.  now, i'm yawning and briefly laughing.

last night, i had the night off, and christina (one of my favorite co-workers at the ( Read more... )

i think that i was awake for about 9 hours yesterday.  i slept the rest of the day and night.  this is going to take some adjustment. 

"the sun will warm your soul.../it's all right/i can walk into the sun light/to the day..."

emiliana torrini's vocals are perfect for this song.  i totally forgot about her after she released that horrible acoustic album.  the poor thing lost her fiance, so she went all lillith fair on us.  however, i stumbled on this tune, "until the morning", ( Read more... )

i miss my friends severely.  i miss them so much that i feel really badly for not being depressed, but it seems that the more time i am spending alone lately, the more peaceful and satisfied i grow.  i've been in a very good mood currently.  it's possibly because i got the second job that i needed.  i've also had much time to analyze myself and ( Read more... )