in no particular order:

1) I am going to get fired from my part-time job. I have never been fired before.
2) If I do get fired, I will interpret it as some Sign from Somewhere about how terrible I am.
3) I am deluding myself. Any time anything seems to be going well, I am simply in denial. Things don't go well. I mean, what is this, TV?
4) It's way too ( Read more... )

the fundamental questions don't change, but the answers do. based on fear and loathing and pain and exhaustion.

there is something to said about courage, and I surround myself with reminders: quotes and resolutions and concrete objects that remind me of the person I'd like to believe I am.

and that's the basic distinction, really - it's a fight ( Read more... )

I can tie her up and force her to watch but she's never silent, and she's never gone. She gets loose eventually, undoes all of my doings.

She is screaming right now.

Over an e-mail I sent that didn't get a response, over questions I don't know how to answer, over every time I open my fucking mouth, generally. Over confusion about... well, everything ( Read more... )

About a week ago someone at work told me they were proud of me over something ( Read more... )

I think I might actually be getting caught up on my money.  Like, I might be able to afford to pay my bills and stuff.

It is a really strange feeling and part of me is just waiting for something terrible to happen that will fuck it all up.

Still, I am cautiously optimistic.

someone didn't respond to my text (which didn't actually require a response) = they hate me and I have no friends and never will have any friends and... spiral of doom ( Read more... )

of me having no filter, no energy reserve, no emotional buffer right now ( Read more... )

1) I slept for 10 hours Wednesday night. I was for shit at that point, having not had a decent night's sleep since the night after Thanksgiving ( Read more... )

1) Spent all day running around trying to get everything in order so that my insurance person could make the money happen by tomorrow. I have left her four messages today, and have not gotten a response.

2) Not having a car is really pissing me off.

3) I have to take an SAT on Saturday morning and I haven't studied.

4) I've got to get my house and ( Read more... )

...just how much of this shitty feeling is the sleep dep ( Read more... )