i'm in the middle seat on a flight to denver and it smells like the sandwiches my grandma used to make me in her basement in Wisconsin. sesame white bread, ham, processed cheese, mustard, lettuce. i can smell all of its elements. the lady next to me has a dog named victor sitting under her seat. she has this british husband who keeps walking back ( Read more... )

Last night I drank white wine and ate crunchy Cheetos and read Franz Kafka's biography until my fingers were orange and I was scared of Zionists. I used to take short showers and lately i like to sit under the water until my hands start to prune. i smelled your breath in my hair and washed it until the ends were brittle. the clouds form around the ( Read more... )

It is so hot. I wish I could sleep with an ice sculpture. I wish I was anywhere but here. The weather is awful and I feel so large in this small house. I find baby spiders all over the walls and in the refrigerator. I feel like I've let this summer escape me. I don't know. Wednesday we leave for Mexico and I don't doubt it'll be amazing.

Someone on this bus has terrible coffee breath. Its probably the man who called me ma'am when he say down next to me. I'm thinking about the changing tides and the ghost at the downtown Sheraton. I feel so indifferent to him, so dreading the phone calls and catch up lunches.I just want to tell the past to stop knocking.I've closed the door and ( Read more... )

The sun is squinting its eyes over the river and I'm slowly forgetting where I am. I need to take a shower and wash the city off of me. I need to wade in the chlorine so the smoke smell fades. I need to bathe in holy water, in blood, in original sin. Suddenly I feel heavy and the walls feel weak. Humanity is hardly in sync with my petty ideals. I ( Read more... )

I've met so many "right" people and still am waiting. Maybe I've just been too late too many times.

I'm exhausted. I tip-toed through the day today at 10%. I tried to tell the world to stop asking me questions. They only serve to highlight the unrealistic and disembowel my fantasies. I'm weak today and trying to hold a prominent fierceness. This is all too familiar. I am trying to not let the similarities strike me... trying to dip my feet ( Read more... )

Today when I found out about Loyola, I started bawling uncontrollably and planning every detail. It was like suddenly everything I have been wanting so bad was placed on my doorstep (literally). It was completely overwhelming. Lately I am so used to being disappointed. And today I wasn't. Today I got everything I've been begging the universe for. I ( Read more... )

i really just need some distractions.

i am laying on plush pillows listening to streamline and my city is protected by a sheath it seems. it's the end of the world for surrounding counties, and yet again i remain calm and peaceful. i feel so lucky lately. it's as if all the world's recent tragedies have conveniently escaped me. yet they seem so plentiful.. i wonder what has guaranteed ( Read more... )