(no subject)
Title: Ready For A Fall (29/?)
Author: Chelle Storey-Daniel
Rating: Strong R
Pairing: Addison/Mark, Callie/George, Callie/Alex, George/Izzie, Meredith/Derek
Summary: Sometimes it hurts to fall, but if you're lucky someone may catch you. And they may be falling, too.
A/N: *sigh* I hate when the characters don't cooperate. Not really loving this chapter, but after three variations, this is the one that stuck. :(
Dedication: To Jellze for letting me have this beautiful icon. It's so an Alcatraz pic. :) You rock. :)
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Twenty Three
Twenty Four
Twenty Five
Twenty Six
Twenty Seven
Twenty Eight
*~*~*~*~*~
The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
In your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view
What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.
I said I'm sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only know how much I love you, love you
- Sister Hazel
*~*~*~*~*~
Alex stalked to the garage, tripping over the underbrush on the dimly lit trail. He swore several times under his breath and then out loud when he realized that he needed his key to get in. He had left it attached to the key ring for the new SUV. He felt his pockets and realized that he had not picked up his old set of keys either. Dropping his bags in front of the door, he leaned back against it and crossed his arms over his chest. He was blinded a moment later by headlights, so he shielded his face as he tried to see who had arrived.
Leon came out of the guard shack and stopped a few feet from Alex. "Hello, Dr. Karev."
"Leon," Alex replied with a curt nod. He recognized Mark’s Beemer and quickly added, "It’s okay. They’re friends."
"Yes, sir." Leon disappeared back into the small room that was attached to the garage and closed the door behind him, drowning out whatever television show he had been watching.
Mark and Addison exited the car and slowly walked toward him. Addison pointed at the bags on the ground and said, "Is it good or bad that you’re packed, but not gone?"
"I left my keys inside and I don’t want to go back and get them."
"Is she here?" Mark asked. "Did you talk to her?"
"She lied to me. She said that she was supposed to be meeting George’s mother and just his mother and that he wasn’t supposed to be there. I didn’t see his mother and -"
"Then call Joe." Addison pulled her phone from her purse. "Ask him if Louise was there. You know that he tells everything that happens there! I think he even blogs about it."
"Even if she was there it doesn’t matter. The point is ... Callie lied to me." Alex rubbed his forehead when Addison called Joe, putting the phone on speaker.
"Emerald City."
"Hey, Joe, it’s Addison. Have you seen Callie today? I’m trying to find her."
"Several hours ago. She came in to see Mrs. O’Malley. Not for nothing, George’s mother is pretty bad ass. As soon as Callie came into the room and hugged me, George tried to crawl over his mom and head for the door. I thought I was going to have to get Walter to go yank her off him. I don’t think either of the soon to be divorcees expected to bump into each other." Joe laughed. "Callie looked like a dead woman walking when she turned and saw that he was there. I had to shove her toward the table."
"Oh." Addison’s eyes met Alex’s. "Do you know what they were talking about?"
"Uh, Callie was working on something on her laptop that had to do with the memorial clinic. She told me that my wireless internet sucked ass," Joe replied. "She looked good. Callie. I keep hearing rumors that she’s with Alex, but I haven’t had a chance to ask either one of them. What a great looking couple, huh?"
"So, how long did she stay?"
"Just for lunch. It was tense, though. After Callie left and the O’Malleys came up to pay, George told his mom that they were going to just be friends and he was okay with that. He also told her that she better never put either one of them on the hot seat again." Joe coughed a little and said, "Damn this weather. Hey, tell Callie that she left her umbrella, okay?"
"I will. Thanks, Joe."
"Bye, Addison."
Alex shook his head as she hung up and put her phone back in her purse. "It doesn’t change anything."
"Did she say why she lied?" Mark took off his jacket and put it around Addison’s shoulders. "I mean, what exactly did she tell you?"
"She said that she didn’t tell me because she knew that I got upset at the party when I overheard her talking about making plans to see George’s mom. She said she didn’t want to hurt my feelings."
Mark looked incredulous. "And you packed your shit and left anyway? Over this?"
"What?!"
"Addison, you didn’t hear this and you better not say a word to Callie about it," Mark said. He looked back at Alex and added, "You and I both know why Callie having a relationship with George’s mother gets to you. You’re threatened by it because it’s something George has to give her that you don’t because you don’t know where your mother is. And when we went golfing together, I asked you if you were going to tell Callie about it and you said no. You said she has enough baggage of her own which means that you lied about your mother being a special education teacher to impress her parents!"
Addy hit him on the shoulder. "You were not supposed to mention that!"
Mark ignored her. "Is your father in real estate, Alex?"
"No." Alex shook his head. "He’s a drug dealer who supplies the local bars."
"Callie knew you were lying, too," Addison told him, her hands on her hips. "She said she could tell that you weren’t being honest, but she didn’t call you on it. She told me on our hike that you must have been ashamed to tell the truth and that she couldn’t hold it against you. Jackass!"
Mark turned to Addison and said, "Why don’t you get the guard to take you down to the yacht and see how she’s doing?"
Addison handed him his coat, glared at Alex, and knocked on Leon’s door. The guard happily escorted her down the trail. When she was out of earshot, Mark slipped his coat back on and said, "Let’s take a drive. You can bring your bags and if you want me to drop you off somewhere I will, but I don’t think you’ll want me to once you actually think about what you’re doing. What you’re throwing away."
Alex picked up his bags and followed Mark to the car.
*~*~*~*~*~
Addison thanked Leon and knocked softly on Callie’s door. When she didn’t answer, she tried the knob. It was unlocked and she slipped inside, shivering a little. She adjusted the thermostat and stepped down into the salon. That’s when she heard the sobs. She saw her friend curled up on the tiled floor of the kitchen and rushed to her. Going down to her knees beside her, she rubbed her back. "Callie," she said softly. "It’s freezing down here. Come on, get up."
"I can’t," Callie sobbed. "He’s gone."
"He’s with Mark. Mark’ll talk to him."
She shook her head. "It won’t do any good."
"Mark can be pretty persuasive, but I don’t really think Alex needs much persuasion. He loves you."
Callie rolled a little and looked up at her. "I’m thinking things that I shouldn’t be thinking so please don’t leave me. Please stay."
"What kind of things?" Addison took her hand, her chin trembling when she saw the true state that her friend was in. "Callie?"
"I’m thinking that there’s enough alcohol in that wet bar to chase it all away and -"
"Stop!" Addison pulled her upright and shook her. "You are not falling apart again! Do you hear me?! Drinking yourself to death is not the answer to every problem that you have!"
"I know that!" Callie cried. "But - but it’s the only answer I have and I don’t know *why*."
Addison hugged her, wrapping her arms tightly around the other woman. It shocked her, how frail she felt, how cold she was. "You have to get up off this floor and live, Callie. Just live."
"If I get up ... I’m gonna drink. So I’ll just stay right here."
"Okay. Don’t move." Addison got back to her feet and went into Callie’s bedroom, where she wet a wash cloth in hot water and grabbed two pillows and the comforter from her bed. She carried it back into the kitchen and pulled the cover over Callie, then she brushed her hair back and wiped at her face. When Callie took the rag, Addison crawled under the cover beside her and pulled one of the pillows under her head, pushing the other to Callie.
"I didn’t mean for this to happen." Callie sniffled, roughly scrubbing her face. "I didn’t tell him because he -"
"I know why you didn’t tell him. And I get it. I understand," Addison said. She watched her for a few seconds and she already knew the answer to the question she needed to ask, but she asked it anyway. "Callie? You meant to kill yourself before, didn’t you?"
Callie nodded, but didn’t meet her eyes. "Yeah."
"You told me you didn’t."
"Well, I’m a liar. Just ask Alex." Callie rolled so that she was facing Addison.
"Oh my god," Addison said, taking the cloth from her. "You’ve popped a stitch. You’re bleeding."
"I don’t care."
"Well, I care." She dabbed at the cut, then put a little pressure against it. "Why did you try to hurt yourself?"
"I don’t know."
"Yes, you do. Start explaining."
"I can’t explain it. That day was just so bad and I felt like I was completely alone." She rubbed her nose and sniffled again. "I can’t blame anybody for it, you know? I can’t blame George or you for being pissed at me or Cam for telling me to have the party. It was just ... my head was too full. I felt like I was drowning under the weight of my own thoughts and I couldn’t stop thinking about ways out of it.
"I was too tired to leave town again and I knew that if I left town ... I’d have to come back. So I just thought I’d leave. I thought I’d close my own curtain and fade to black." She looked at her friend, who was brushing a tear off her own face. "I wanted the black, Addison."
"You’re not meant for black." Addison touched her hair again. "I know you think you’ve got this darkness thing down to a science, but you’re not dark at all. You’re red. Red is fire and you’ve got fire in your soul that should never be put out. I’m a better person because I know you. And I do know you. I know that your heart lets you forgive everyone around you, except yourself. You’re holding a grudge against yourself and you shouldn’t. Forgive yourself, Callie."
Callie’s brown eyes filled with tears again. They fell onto the pillow and she didn’t try to stop them. "I do blame myself. For everything. George and -"
"George cheated because he’s an asshole. His friends hated you because they’re judgmental fourth graders who can’t share their toys. You didn’t make Chief Resident because your dad interfered and Izzie Stevens attacked *you*." Addison smiled a little. "Anything else?"
"I lied to Alex."
The red head sighed. "You lied to protect his feelings and maybe the world would be a better place if we all did that a little more."
"You have all the right answers."
"You know what else I have?" Addison asked.
"What?"
"A very strong hug. So get over here."
Callie let Addison pull her into her arms and closed her eyes.
She was asleep within minutes.
*~*~*~*~*~
Neither Mark nor Alex spoke for the first forty-five minutes of their road trip. The fact that Mark passed the exact same mile marker no less than ten times was a strong indicator that he didn’t really have a plan or a destination. The silence grated on Sloan’s nerves and he finally cleared his throat and turned the radio on. Some sad song about losing the love of your life began to play and he glanced at Alex, thinking it probably wasn’t the best idea to depress him even more. Turning it off, he drummed the steering wheel with his thumbs and said, "So, I’ve been thinking about the day that Addison and I had that fight in front of Callie’s parents. Do you remember? At the yacht?"
"Yeah."
"Her dad was right. What he said to us was right." Mark glanced at the other man. "He said that women are built to carry love and not just because they have a womb. He said that love gets into them and hurts them, amazes them, and scares them, but they still tend to hold on with both hands. Because it stains their soul and that’s where they really carry it."
When Alex didn’t reply, Mark continued. "That’s why Addison had to follow Derek and try to save her marriage one more time. And I think that’s why Callie wants to stay friends with George’s mom. Callie’s a family girl. We both know that. We saw her extended family and it was as big as it was weird. Callie was married to George so his family was hers for a while and since she doesn’t have any relatives out here ... it’s understandable that she’d cling a little."
Alex took a deep breath. "Her dad also warned us that love was a battlefield, dude."
"Who would have pegged him for a Pat Benatar fan?" Mark chuckled a little. "Look, I was there today and saw the same thing you did. It pissed me off for you, but Callie’s not stupid. If she was really going to do something wrong ... would she have done it at Joe’s bar where most of our co-workers go for lunch?"
Alex stared out at the road ahead of them. "Was that rhetorical or do you want me to answer you?"
"Answer me."
"No, she wouldn’t have done something like that at Joe’s. Or at all. I know that."
"Then what are you doing?"
"I really have no idea."
Mark grinned a little. "So, if I drive you into town to the twenty four hour supermarket, do you think you could buy her some flowers and go back home?"
"What kind of flowers say ‘I’m sorry that I was a bastard’?"
"How much of a bastard were you?"
"It got so bad that she thought I was going to hit her at one point."
"Did she have a reason to think that, Alex?"
"I am *not* my father," Alex replied, his tone harsh. "That almost killed me. I swear to God, it was awful. She raised her arms like she was trying to cover her face."
"Has she been hit by someone before?"
Alex frowned. "I don’t know. The way she did it makes me think that she has. By someone other than Izzie, I mean."
Mark turned into the parking lot of the supermarket and pulled into a vacant spot near the door. "Let’s go find bastard flowers."
*~*~*~*~*~
Alex wound up buying a brown stuffed bear that was holding a geranium. He added five balloons that had varying messages of sorrow and love. Mark assured him that it would be enough, but he didn’t sound very convinced. A little while later, they parked in front of the garage and Alex took out his duffel bags and the bear. Mark insisted on carrying the bags.
Monty, the third shift guard, took one look at the balloons and the bear and said, "Oh, you are in the doghouse apparently."
"Apparently," Alex agreed, then followed Monty down the trail, sidestepping Callie’s mud puddle.
On Goon Docks, Alex waved to Monty and turned to Mark. He looked at the other man for a few seconds and when Mark didn’t speak, he finally said, "What am I supposed to say?"
"I got you this far, buddy. My work is done." Mark shrugged.
Alex made a face and opened the door, which was unlocked. He didn’t like that at all. Stepping down into the salon, he peered toward the bedroom door, but there wasn’t a sound. Then he heard Callie’s breath hitch, an indication of how upset she had been, and saw that their comforter was in the kitchen floor. He set the bear on the counter and moved to the side, staring down at Addison and Callie. They were both fast asleep and both had apparently been crying.
"That would be hot under any other circumstances," Mark said, standing beside him. He smiled a little and leaned down, pulling the cover back. Callie’s hand was on Addison’s stomach and the her head was on her shoulder. Addison had both arms around her friend. "Hot. As. Hell. Hold on, I’ve got to get a picture."
Alex frowned when he saw the dried blood on Callie’s cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment and saw his mother on that fateful Christmas Eve, lying in the floor of the kitchen underneath a chair. Her face had been bloody as well. The clicking of Mark’s cell camera jarred him out of the memory and he looked back down at Callie. He knew that he had hurt her just as badly as his mother had been hurt ... just in a different way.
Addison shifted a little and opened her eyes as Mark’s camera rapidly clicked. She blinked several times. "What time is it?"
"Almost midnight. Let’s go home." Mark held out his hand.
Addison shook her head. "No. She asked me not to leave her. I’m staying."
"Addison-"
"I’m staying." Addy glanced down at Callie. "She popped a stitch on her face."
"I’ll look at it," Alex replied in a low voice. "If you guys want to stay you’re welcome to the starboard bedroom, but I really need to take your spot, Addison."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I don’t think so."
Callie shifted a little then rolled away from Addison, tucking her hands under her pillow, her breath deep and even. Mark held out his hand again and said, "Come on, Addy. We’ll sleep in the other room."
She let him pull her to her feet and held out the bloody cloth that she had cleaned Callie’s face with. "If I hear her crying again, I’ll gut you. And I will be listening."
Alex shot Mark an ‘I told you so’ look. Having them as neighbors would be chaotic as hell. When Addison and Mark disappeared behind the door, he grabbed a bottle of water and the first aid kit, then sat down on the floor beside her. For the longest time, he was content to be near her, to listen to her breathing. She started in her sleep, jumping a little, and he reached down to stroke the line of her neck.
Callie moaned when he shook her, but didn’t wake up. Throwing caution to the wind, he eased the cover back and settled behind her, his hand on her waist. Leaning down, he kissed her just behind the ear and pulled her a little closer. Her hair was soft against his cheek and when she sobbed in her sleep, he glanced back at the starboard door, which remained thankfully closed. "It’s okay," he whispered, his hand moving under the pillow to cover hers. "Wake up, Callie."
She gasped and sat up so suddenly that it startled him. He pushed himself into a sitting position and touched her shoulder. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you."
Callie rubbed her eyes and flinched when the bottom of her hand hit the popped stitch. She saw him reach for the first aid kit and got to her feet. Saying nothing, she walked into her bedroom, then the bathroom, where she turned the water on in the sink. She washed her face and blotted it dry and saw him standing in the doorway watching her. She had caught her reflection in the mirror so she was well aware that her eyes were nearly swollen shut and her nose could light up the sky better than Rudolph.
Not meeting his eyes, she started around him. He put a hand on her stomach to prevent her from passing. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I can’t do this again."
He frowned when he heard how congested and hoarse she sounded. "You can’t do what?"
"I can’t fight with you anymore. I just ... can’t."
"I don’t want to fight with you, baby."
"Do not call me that!" She finally looked at him and her eyes filled with tears again. "Are you back for the rest of your things?"
"No."
"Then what do you want?"
"You."
She simply stared at him, unblinking.
He scratched the side of his face. "You’re not going to make this easy. Are you?"
She shook her head.
"I love you, Callie. So much that it makes me a little insane to think of another man touching you."
"It was *innocent*."
"If it was innocent then you shouldn’t have lied to me."
"I didn’t even think about it, Alex. When you asked me. That’s how much it meant to me. He wasn’t supposed to be there and -"
"I know. Joe said that -"
"You had to get to Joe to tell you?! You couldn’t just believe me?!"
"No! Addison called the bar to prove that -"
"That maybe I’m not a liar?"
"That Louise was actually there."
Callie ran a hand through her hair. "I’m not doing this. I am *not* fighting with you any more tonight! I mean it!"
"I’m not mad anymore," Alex told her.
"Well, good for you." She raised her brows. "I am! You screamed at me, called me a liar, and then *left* me. You gave up on us over a stupid lunch! And you call *me* a flier!?"
"You lied to me over a stupid lunch. I was pissed. Seeing you with him ... it gets to me. Because I know how you felt about him. I’m the one who picked up the pieces in case you fail to remember."
"There is nothing in this world that should threaten you less than George O’Malley."
"He can give you things that I can’t."
Alex had hoped his simple admission would be enough for her to walk into his arms, but apparently it wasn’t. She stood her ground. He was holding the first aid kit so he pointed at the toilet and said, "Sit down and let me bandage your face."
"I don’t want my face bandaged."
"Well, it’s not negotiable. You popped a stitch and -"
"You’re not touching me."
"Callie, could you please try to meet me halfway?"
"You packed your things while I was at work. It didn’t matter what I said to you ... you were leaving me! Do you call *that* halfway?!"
"I *stayed* to hear what you had to say! It’s not my fault that the truth came out like an impacted tooth. You actually deserved what happened tonight."
"Nobody should ever feel the way that I felt tonight. Don’t you ever tell me that I deserved that again." She started to move past him, but he blocked her one more time. "We’re not talking about this."
"Fine! We won’t talk about any of it and then it’ll just fester like a -"
"Move out of my way."
"No."
"Just ... go to hell!!!"
He glared at her. "Ooooh, nice and mature. You want to call me a few names now? Or do you want to handle this like an adult?"
"I want to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning and I’m tired. You’ve exhausted me."
"We’re not going to bed mad. We’re -"
"YOU are not going to bed here at all. You left. Remember? The door is that way and I didn’t invite you back in."
"Okay, fine. You want me to go, I’ll go." He tossed the kit onto the counter in the bathroom and turned on his heel. "But this isn’t over."
"Wait."
"What?!"
"I’m sorry," she replied softly. "It’s late. You don’t have to go."
He smiled. It was slight, barely there, but he smiled. "I’m sorry, too, and I don’t want to go."
"You’re still not sleeping with me."
"Callie, look, there’s something I need to tell you about my past that will explain why I got so freaked out at the party by the thought of you running and why I didn’t want you to have a relationship with George’s mother. I should have told you sooner because it will explain a lot, but I just couldn’t do it."
She looked at him thoughtfully, then nodded. "Okay."
"I’m not telling you until you sit down and let me work on your face." He breathed a sigh of relief when she sat down on the toilet. He retrieved the kit and rifled through it. "I think I told you that I beat up my dad when I got big enough. He left and never came back. Naturally, he also didn’t pay any child support so my mom had to work two jobs. She was a waitress at a truck stop and at a greasy spoon cafe. There was never enough money so she worked all the time."
He opened a sterilized swab and used it to clean the cut with antiseptic. When she cringed, he leaned forward and blew it. "Mom resented me from the day that my dad left until the day that she did. Maybe she still does, I don’t know."
"What -"
"I’m getting there." He pulled on a glove and dabbed a little cream into the cut with his finger. "I stayed in Iowa to be close to her. That’s why I went to school there. I could have had a full ride to New York, but I didn’t want to leave her because as soon as I graduated high school she went a little crazy. She quit her jobs and lived in a house with no utilities for almost eight months. I kept the rent paid by working as much as I could, but I couldn’t afford the rest. She eventually qualified for disability of some kind. I don’t even know what it was for, but she had electricity again. Off and on. When she could remember to pay it.
"I went home every weekend to make sure that she had enough to eat and I’d try to cook enough to last her all week. She would talk about my dad, about how much she missed him, about how-" He trailed off and dug through the kit. When he pulled out a butterfly bandage, his eyes were misty. "About how I had ruined her life by making him leave. I had forced her to work so much and tired. She was lonely. Her doctors put her on strong anti-depressants and she stopped eating, stopped doing anything. After a while.
"Somehow I got the grades and Cornell gave me a full scholarship. I went home and told her about it and I promised her that I wouldn’t go. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to get her back on her feet and figure out how to make her happy. The next weekend I went home again." He secured the bandage to her face and leaned forward, pressing a kiss against it, letting his cheek linger beside hers. When he finished, he sat down on the edge of the clawfoot tub. "I went home and there was a note on the door. It was brief. She simply said that she needed to get away and asked me not to worry."
He took a deep, shaky breath and tore off some toilet tissue, which he used to dab her eyes and not his. "I haven’t seen her since then. She ... she ran. She was a flier. The police didn’t want to help me and I didn’t know what to do. I spent that whole summer looking for her and then I went away to school. I - I think that’s why she did it. I think she knew I’d stay with her, take care of her, and let the chance pass me by. To this day, I call our old neighbors every week to see if she’s come back. She never has. I don’t know if she’s dead or alive."
"Oh my god." Callie leaned forward and hugged him, crying against his shoulder. "Why didn’t you tell me this?"
"Because just like you did today ... I didn’t want you to be upset by the truth. That’s why I’m not mad anymore." Alex held onto her, unashamed of the fact that he was shaking from his own tears. "That why I was so thrown when you kept saying that you run when you’re overwhelmed and that’s why I hate that you’re so close to O’Malley’s mother. I don’t have that to offer you. I don’t have any family."
"*You* are all that I need. How could you doubt that?" Callie pulled back so she could look at him. "And in case you didn’t notice ... my family is large and overbearing enough for the both of us."
"I did notice that."
She kissed him, quick and chaste. "I’m so sorry about your mom. I don’t know what else to say."
"You can tell me that I can come home."
"You’re the one who left. I didn’t want you to go." She reached up and stroked the tears on his cheek. Her hand dropped suddenly and her mouth fell open. "You *lied* to my parents! You’ve been preaching to me that lies *always* catch up to you and then you freak out at me, but you did the same damn thing!"
"Okay, did you actually hear the part where I acknowledged that?"
"Sleep in the other bedroom."
"Addison and Mark are in there."
"Sleep on the couch."
"Hang on!" Alex held up a hand. "Wait! I’ll be right back!"
Callie had moved to the bed when he returned. She looked up at him and smiled despite her resolve to remain angry. He carried a teddy bear that was clutching a potted plant and five oversized balloons had been tied to the bear’s arm. Holding it out to her, he said, "I know it’s not much, but the florist was closed so I couldn’t buy bastard flowers."
"Bastard flowers?"
"I’m sorry for being a bastard."
"You should be sorry for being a hypocritical asshole." She took the bear and ran her hand over it’s face. "But I guess you’re forgiven."
"Can I sleep with you?"
"If you cook me breakfast in," She glanced down at her watch. "Five hours."
"You didn’t have dinner, did you?" He sat beside her on the bed. "Addison didn’t -"
"Addison was too busy trying to stop me from drinking to think about anything else." She let her thumb rub over the velvety leaves of the plant. "It’s the first thing I want to do when things get bad. Can you pour out all the alcohol in the wet bar?"
"No. You’re gonna pour it out yourself." He took her hand. "You didn’t drink, right?"
"The only reason I didn’t drink was because I literally could not pull myself up off the floor. Don’t ever do that to me again." She squeezed his fingers and took a deep breath. "I think maybe I’m going to go to an AA meeting, Alex. Because the way that I think sometimes can’t be normal. And ... maybe they think that way, too, and can tell me how to stop."
He hugged her, his sigh of relief loud and clear. He knew that she had enjoyed the oblivion she had put herself into for the those fifteen days in North Carolina. She had told him as much. He also knew that the buzz that was brought on by alcohol was something a lot of people liked a little too much. She was one of them. "I love you."
"I love you," she replied softly. "If you don’t want me to be friends with George or his family then I won’t."
"No." He sat back and rubbed her face. "Friends are important, but family is more important. They’ll always be family. I get that."
"I’m not going to do *anything* that will make tonight happen again."
"It will NEVER happen again. I’m not going anywhere. Except the kitchen," he assured her. "I’m gonna go make us both something to eat. I’ll be right back."
Alex quietly prepared two sandwiches. When he carried them back into the bedroom he drew up short. She was already asleep. She had taken the balloons off the bear and the plant from its arms and had it hugged to her chest.
He didn’t have the heart to wake her up.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he ate both sandwiches.
When he finally crawled in beside her, she curled against him. Just before he dozed off, he thought of what Raphael had told him about how women were built to carry love. The next time he talked to the man he’d have to tell him that it didn’t just stain a woman’s soul.
Alex was stained all over.
And nothing could wipe it away.
*~*~*~*~*~
Callie bumped into Mark in the hallway before the sun had come up. He was coming out of the bathroom and she was headed for the kitchen in search of coffee. She stumbled, still half asleep despite having showered and dressed, and he caught her. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I hate being a doctor. No one should see the ass crack of dawn. Why can’t people get sick after noon?"
He grinned at her, following her into the galley. "Are you okay?"
Callie opened the cabinet and pulled out her trusty bag of Starbucks. "Me specifically or me and Alex?"
"Both."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Alex stayed. That’s a good sign."
"And you?"
Dropping a filter into the pot, she measured out the coffee and turned it on, inhaling deeply as it began to brew. She turned back to him and saw Alex’s duffel bags out of the corner of her eye. It twisted her gut, heavy and painful. The simple truth was ... he had left her. And she wasn’t over the shock or the realization that he had actually packed his bags and was gone in the blink of an eye. She turned slightly so she couldn’t see the reminder. "I’ll be okay."
"Addison told me." He leaned against the counter, helping himself to an apple. "What you did. How you meant to do it."
"Are you going to tell me I’m legally insane again?"
"No. I’m going to tell you that you’re not a coward so don’t act like one."
She watched him try to bite into the fake fruit and laughed at the look on his face. Reaching behind her, she tossed him a real apple. "My mother thinks that every kitchen should have the requisite fake fruit basket."
"What did Melana think about the mirrors on the ceiling in there?" He nodded at the starboard bedroom.
"She didn’t think anything. My mother is completely innocent when it comes to biblical knowledge of anyone, even my father. She has never had sex, will never have sex, and that’s all there is to it."
"Do I need to ask Addison to make sure you understand where you came from?"
"I was left on her doorstep like Harry Potter. Which is why I’m the girl who lived ... despite my not so valiant efforts to the contrary."
"About that -"
"Smell. Coffee." Addison staggered from the bedroom. "Need. Coffee."
Callie pulled four mugs from the cabinet and handed her one. She glanced at Mark and said, "The cappuccino machine is in the hall closet. You can actually have it. We don’t use it."
"We?" Addison poured milk and sugar into her cup. "There’s a we? So, it’s okay?"
Callie opened her mouth to reply, but she heard Alex moving around in the other room. Something that felt very much like anxiety raced through her and she couldn’t push it away. She sidestepped Addison and picked up her coat from the chair. Grabbing her purse, she said, "Uh, I actually have to go to work a little early this morning. I want to check on a patient pre-rounds so could you let Alex know that he’ll need to drive? Oh, by the way," She smiled at Addison. "Thank you for last night. Since you guys are off today so feel free to hang around and enjoy those mirrors on the ceiling. That bed actually vibrates, but you’ll have to figure out how."
"Callie, wait-"
"Seeya later."
"What the hell was that about?" Mark asked as Callie took the steps two at a time.
Addison slammed her mug on the counter and shouted, "Karev, get your ass out here!"
"Hey," Alex replied, coming out of the bedroom carrying his shoes. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Callie’s gone." Addison put her hands on her hips. "She blew out of here like a tornado and didn’t even have coffee. What the hell did you do?"
Alex looked around the room as if Addison were lying. "We’re on the same shift today. Why would she leave?"
"You tell me!"
Mark cleared his throat. "She said she wanted to get to the hospital early to check on a patient. Did - did you guys not make up last night?"
"Hell, I thought we did."
"That’s what you get for thinking," Addy replied.
*~*~*~*~*~
So, yeah. They were gonna be broken up for like a week, but they refused to do it and I couldn't do it. I just could not do it.
But ... did you happen to notice that Raphael's wisdom to the guys was, in actuality, Melana's wisdom to HIM in Callie's hospital room? Hehehe.. he had nothing original to tell those poor guys that day. And mother knows best. ;)
Callie's still not a happy camper at this point, but at least she's acknowledging that she has a problem. Right? *sigh* That girl...
Author: Chelle Storey-Daniel
Rating: Strong R
Pairing: Addison/Mark, Callie/George, Callie/Alex, George/Izzie, Meredith/Derek
Summary: Sometimes it hurts to fall, but if you're lucky someone may catch you. And they may be falling, too.
A/N: *sigh* I hate when the characters don't cooperate. Not really loving this chapter, but after three variations, this is the one that stuck. :(
Dedication: To Jellze for letting me have this beautiful icon. It's so an Alcatraz pic. :) You rock. :)
One
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Three
Four
Five
Six
Seven
Eight
Nine
Ten
Eleven
Twelve
Thirteen
Fourteen
Fifteen
Sixteen
Seventeen
Eighteen
Nineteen
Twenty
Twenty One
Twenty Two
Twenty Three
Twenty Four
Twenty Five
Twenty Six
Twenty Seven
Twenty Eight
*~*~*~*~*~
The grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
In your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view
What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry.
I said I'm sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
Don't want to hate myself, don't want to hurt you
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only know how much I love you, love you
- Sister Hazel
*~*~*~*~*~
Alex stalked to the garage, tripping over the underbrush on the dimly lit trail. He swore several times under his breath and then out loud when he realized that he needed his key to get in. He had left it attached to the key ring for the new SUV. He felt his pockets and realized that he had not picked up his old set of keys either. Dropping his bags in front of the door, he leaned back against it and crossed his arms over his chest. He was blinded a moment later by headlights, so he shielded his face as he tried to see who had arrived.
Leon came out of the guard shack and stopped a few feet from Alex. "Hello, Dr. Karev."
"Leon," Alex replied with a curt nod. He recognized Mark’s Beemer and quickly added, "It’s okay. They’re friends."
"Yes, sir." Leon disappeared back into the small room that was attached to the garage and closed the door behind him, drowning out whatever television show he had been watching.
Mark and Addison exited the car and slowly walked toward him. Addison pointed at the bags on the ground and said, "Is it good or bad that you’re packed, but not gone?"
"I left my keys inside and I don’t want to go back and get them."
"Is she here?" Mark asked. "Did you talk to her?"
"She lied to me. She said that she was supposed to be meeting George’s mother and just his mother and that he wasn’t supposed to be there. I didn’t see his mother and -"
"Then call Joe." Addison pulled her phone from her purse. "Ask him if Louise was there. You know that he tells everything that happens there! I think he even blogs about it."
"Even if she was there it doesn’t matter. The point is ... Callie lied to me." Alex rubbed his forehead when Addison called Joe, putting the phone on speaker.
"Emerald City."
"Hey, Joe, it’s Addison. Have you seen Callie today? I’m trying to find her."
"Several hours ago. She came in to see Mrs. O’Malley. Not for nothing, George’s mother is pretty bad ass. As soon as Callie came into the room and hugged me, George tried to crawl over his mom and head for the door. I thought I was going to have to get Walter to go yank her off him. I don’t think either of the soon to be divorcees expected to bump into each other." Joe laughed. "Callie looked like a dead woman walking when she turned and saw that he was there. I had to shove her toward the table."
"Oh." Addison’s eyes met Alex’s. "Do you know what they were talking about?"
"Uh, Callie was working on something on her laptop that had to do with the memorial clinic. She told me that my wireless internet sucked ass," Joe replied. "She looked good. Callie. I keep hearing rumors that she’s with Alex, but I haven’t had a chance to ask either one of them. What a great looking couple, huh?"
"So, how long did she stay?"
"Just for lunch. It was tense, though. After Callie left and the O’Malleys came up to pay, George told his mom that they were going to just be friends and he was okay with that. He also told her that she better never put either one of them on the hot seat again." Joe coughed a little and said, "Damn this weather. Hey, tell Callie that she left her umbrella, okay?"
"I will. Thanks, Joe."
"Bye, Addison."
Alex shook his head as she hung up and put her phone back in her purse. "It doesn’t change anything."
"Did she say why she lied?" Mark took off his jacket and put it around Addison’s shoulders. "I mean, what exactly did she tell you?"
"She said that she didn’t tell me because she knew that I got upset at the party when I overheard her talking about making plans to see George’s mom. She said she didn’t want to hurt my feelings."
Mark looked incredulous. "And you packed your shit and left anyway? Over this?"
"What?!"
"Addison, you didn’t hear this and you better not say a word to Callie about it," Mark said. He looked back at Alex and added, "You and I both know why Callie having a relationship with George’s mother gets to you. You’re threatened by it because it’s something George has to give her that you don’t because you don’t know where your mother is. And when we went golfing together, I asked you if you were going to tell Callie about it and you said no. You said she has enough baggage of her own which means that you lied about your mother being a special education teacher to impress her parents!"
Addy hit him on the shoulder. "You were not supposed to mention that!"
Mark ignored her. "Is your father in real estate, Alex?"
"No." Alex shook his head. "He’s a drug dealer who supplies the local bars."
"Callie knew you were lying, too," Addison told him, her hands on her hips. "She said she could tell that you weren’t being honest, but she didn’t call you on it. She told me on our hike that you must have been ashamed to tell the truth and that she couldn’t hold it against you. Jackass!"
Mark turned to Addison and said, "Why don’t you get the guard to take you down to the yacht and see how she’s doing?"
Addison handed him his coat, glared at Alex, and knocked on Leon’s door. The guard happily escorted her down the trail. When she was out of earshot, Mark slipped his coat back on and said, "Let’s take a drive. You can bring your bags and if you want me to drop you off somewhere I will, but I don’t think you’ll want me to once you actually think about what you’re doing. What you’re throwing away."
Alex picked up his bags and followed Mark to the car.
*~*~*~*~*~
Addison thanked Leon and knocked softly on Callie’s door. When she didn’t answer, she tried the knob. It was unlocked and she slipped inside, shivering a little. She adjusted the thermostat and stepped down into the salon. That’s when she heard the sobs. She saw her friend curled up on the tiled floor of the kitchen and rushed to her. Going down to her knees beside her, she rubbed her back. "Callie," she said softly. "It’s freezing down here. Come on, get up."
"I can’t," Callie sobbed. "He’s gone."
"He’s with Mark. Mark’ll talk to him."
She shook her head. "It won’t do any good."
"Mark can be pretty persuasive, but I don’t really think Alex needs much persuasion. He loves you."
Callie rolled a little and looked up at her. "I’m thinking things that I shouldn’t be thinking so please don’t leave me. Please stay."
"What kind of things?" Addison took her hand, her chin trembling when she saw the true state that her friend was in. "Callie?"
"I’m thinking that there’s enough alcohol in that wet bar to chase it all away and -"
"Stop!" Addison pulled her upright and shook her. "You are not falling apart again! Do you hear me?! Drinking yourself to death is not the answer to every problem that you have!"
"I know that!" Callie cried. "But - but it’s the only answer I have and I don’t know *why*."
Addison hugged her, wrapping her arms tightly around the other woman. It shocked her, how frail she felt, how cold she was. "You have to get up off this floor and live, Callie. Just live."
"If I get up ... I’m gonna drink. So I’ll just stay right here."
"Okay. Don’t move." Addison got back to her feet and went into Callie’s bedroom, where she wet a wash cloth in hot water and grabbed two pillows and the comforter from her bed. She carried it back into the kitchen and pulled the cover over Callie, then she brushed her hair back and wiped at her face. When Callie took the rag, Addison crawled under the cover beside her and pulled one of the pillows under her head, pushing the other to Callie.
"I didn’t mean for this to happen." Callie sniffled, roughly scrubbing her face. "I didn’t tell him because he -"
"I know why you didn’t tell him. And I get it. I understand," Addison said. She watched her for a few seconds and she already knew the answer to the question she needed to ask, but she asked it anyway. "Callie? You meant to kill yourself before, didn’t you?"
Callie nodded, but didn’t meet her eyes. "Yeah."
"You told me you didn’t."
"Well, I’m a liar. Just ask Alex." Callie rolled so that she was facing Addison.
"Oh my god," Addison said, taking the cloth from her. "You’ve popped a stitch. You’re bleeding."
"I don’t care."
"Well, I care." She dabbed at the cut, then put a little pressure against it. "Why did you try to hurt yourself?"
"I don’t know."
"Yes, you do. Start explaining."
"I can’t explain it. That day was just so bad and I felt like I was completely alone." She rubbed her nose and sniffled again. "I can’t blame anybody for it, you know? I can’t blame George or you for being pissed at me or Cam for telling me to have the party. It was just ... my head was too full. I felt like I was drowning under the weight of my own thoughts and I couldn’t stop thinking about ways out of it.
"I was too tired to leave town again and I knew that if I left town ... I’d have to come back. So I just thought I’d leave. I thought I’d close my own curtain and fade to black." She looked at her friend, who was brushing a tear off her own face. "I wanted the black, Addison."
"You’re not meant for black." Addison touched her hair again. "I know you think you’ve got this darkness thing down to a science, but you’re not dark at all. You’re red. Red is fire and you’ve got fire in your soul that should never be put out. I’m a better person because I know you. And I do know you. I know that your heart lets you forgive everyone around you, except yourself. You’re holding a grudge against yourself and you shouldn’t. Forgive yourself, Callie."
Callie’s brown eyes filled with tears again. They fell onto the pillow and she didn’t try to stop them. "I do blame myself. For everything. George and -"
"George cheated because he’s an asshole. His friends hated you because they’re judgmental fourth graders who can’t share their toys. You didn’t make Chief Resident because your dad interfered and Izzie Stevens attacked *you*." Addison smiled a little. "Anything else?"
"I lied to Alex."
The red head sighed. "You lied to protect his feelings and maybe the world would be a better place if we all did that a little more."
"You have all the right answers."
"You know what else I have?" Addison asked.
"What?"
"A very strong hug. So get over here."
Callie let Addison pull her into her arms and closed her eyes.
She was asleep within minutes.
*~*~*~*~*~
Neither Mark nor Alex spoke for the first forty-five minutes of their road trip. The fact that Mark passed the exact same mile marker no less than ten times was a strong indicator that he didn’t really have a plan or a destination. The silence grated on Sloan’s nerves and he finally cleared his throat and turned the radio on. Some sad song about losing the love of your life began to play and he glanced at Alex, thinking it probably wasn’t the best idea to depress him even more. Turning it off, he drummed the steering wheel with his thumbs and said, "So, I’ve been thinking about the day that Addison and I had that fight in front of Callie’s parents. Do you remember? At the yacht?"
"Yeah."
"Her dad was right. What he said to us was right." Mark glanced at the other man. "He said that women are built to carry love and not just because they have a womb. He said that love gets into them and hurts them, amazes them, and scares them, but they still tend to hold on with both hands. Because it stains their soul and that’s where they really carry it."
When Alex didn’t reply, Mark continued. "That’s why Addison had to follow Derek and try to save her marriage one more time. And I think that’s why Callie wants to stay friends with George’s mom. Callie’s a family girl. We both know that. We saw her extended family and it was as big as it was weird. Callie was married to George so his family was hers for a while and since she doesn’t have any relatives out here ... it’s understandable that she’d cling a little."
Alex took a deep breath. "Her dad also warned us that love was a battlefield, dude."
"Who would have pegged him for a Pat Benatar fan?" Mark chuckled a little. "Look, I was there today and saw the same thing you did. It pissed me off for you, but Callie’s not stupid. If she was really going to do something wrong ... would she have done it at Joe’s bar where most of our co-workers go for lunch?"
Alex stared out at the road ahead of them. "Was that rhetorical or do you want me to answer you?"
"Answer me."
"No, she wouldn’t have done something like that at Joe’s. Or at all. I know that."
"Then what are you doing?"
"I really have no idea."
Mark grinned a little. "So, if I drive you into town to the twenty four hour supermarket, do you think you could buy her some flowers and go back home?"
"What kind of flowers say ‘I’m sorry that I was a bastard’?"
"How much of a bastard were you?"
"It got so bad that she thought I was going to hit her at one point."
"Did she have a reason to think that, Alex?"
"I am *not* my father," Alex replied, his tone harsh. "That almost killed me. I swear to God, it was awful. She raised her arms like she was trying to cover her face."
"Has she been hit by someone before?"
Alex frowned. "I don’t know. The way she did it makes me think that she has. By someone other than Izzie, I mean."
Mark turned into the parking lot of the supermarket and pulled into a vacant spot near the door. "Let’s go find bastard flowers."
*~*~*~*~*~
Alex wound up buying a brown stuffed bear that was holding a geranium. He added five balloons that had varying messages of sorrow and love. Mark assured him that it would be enough, but he didn’t sound very convinced. A little while later, they parked in front of the garage and Alex took out his duffel bags and the bear. Mark insisted on carrying the bags.
Monty, the third shift guard, took one look at the balloons and the bear and said, "Oh, you are in the doghouse apparently."
"Apparently," Alex agreed, then followed Monty down the trail, sidestepping Callie’s mud puddle.
On Goon Docks, Alex waved to Monty and turned to Mark. He looked at the other man for a few seconds and when Mark didn’t speak, he finally said, "What am I supposed to say?"
"I got you this far, buddy. My work is done." Mark shrugged.
Alex made a face and opened the door, which was unlocked. He didn’t like that at all. Stepping down into the salon, he peered toward the bedroom door, but there wasn’t a sound. Then he heard Callie’s breath hitch, an indication of how upset she had been, and saw that their comforter was in the kitchen floor. He set the bear on the counter and moved to the side, staring down at Addison and Callie. They were both fast asleep and both had apparently been crying.
"That would be hot under any other circumstances," Mark said, standing beside him. He smiled a little and leaned down, pulling the cover back. Callie’s hand was on Addison’s stomach and the her head was on her shoulder. Addison had both arms around her friend. "Hot. As. Hell. Hold on, I’ve got to get a picture."
Alex frowned when he saw the dried blood on Callie’s cheek. He closed his eyes for a moment and saw his mother on that fateful Christmas Eve, lying in the floor of the kitchen underneath a chair. Her face had been bloody as well. The clicking of Mark’s cell camera jarred him out of the memory and he looked back down at Callie. He knew that he had hurt her just as badly as his mother had been hurt ... just in a different way.
Addison shifted a little and opened her eyes as Mark’s camera rapidly clicked. She blinked several times. "What time is it?"
"Almost midnight. Let’s go home." Mark held out his hand.
Addison shook her head. "No. She asked me not to leave her. I’m staying."
"Addison-"
"I’m staying." Addy glanced down at Callie. "She popped a stitch on her face."
"I’ll look at it," Alex replied in a low voice. "If you guys want to stay you’re welcome to the starboard bedroom, but I really need to take your spot, Addison."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "I don’t think so."
Callie shifted a little then rolled away from Addison, tucking her hands under her pillow, her breath deep and even. Mark held out his hand again and said, "Come on, Addy. We’ll sleep in the other room."
She let him pull her to her feet and held out the bloody cloth that she had cleaned Callie’s face with. "If I hear her crying again, I’ll gut you. And I will be listening."
Alex shot Mark an ‘I told you so’ look. Having them as neighbors would be chaotic as hell. When Addison and Mark disappeared behind the door, he grabbed a bottle of water and the first aid kit, then sat down on the floor beside her. For the longest time, he was content to be near her, to listen to her breathing. She started in her sleep, jumping a little, and he reached down to stroke the line of her neck.
Callie moaned when he shook her, but didn’t wake up. Throwing caution to the wind, he eased the cover back and settled behind her, his hand on her waist. Leaning down, he kissed her just behind the ear and pulled her a little closer. Her hair was soft against his cheek and when she sobbed in her sleep, he glanced back at the starboard door, which remained thankfully closed. "It’s okay," he whispered, his hand moving under the pillow to cover hers. "Wake up, Callie."
She gasped and sat up so suddenly that it startled him. He pushed himself into a sitting position and touched her shoulder. "I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you."
Callie rubbed her eyes and flinched when the bottom of her hand hit the popped stitch. She saw him reach for the first aid kit and got to her feet. Saying nothing, she walked into her bedroom, then the bathroom, where she turned the water on in the sink. She washed her face and blotted it dry and saw him standing in the doorway watching her. She had caught her reflection in the mirror so she was well aware that her eyes were nearly swollen shut and her nose could light up the sky better than Rudolph.
Not meeting his eyes, she started around him. He put a hand on her stomach to prevent her from passing. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I can’t do this again."
He frowned when he heard how congested and hoarse she sounded. "You can’t do what?"
"I can’t fight with you anymore. I just ... can’t."
"I don’t want to fight with you, baby."
"Do not call me that!" She finally looked at him and her eyes filled with tears again. "Are you back for the rest of your things?"
"No."
"Then what do you want?"
"You."
She simply stared at him, unblinking.
He scratched the side of his face. "You’re not going to make this easy. Are you?"
She shook her head.
"I love you, Callie. So much that it makes me a little insane to think of another man touching you."
"It was *innocent*."
"If it was innocent then you shouldn’t have lied to me."
"I didn’t even think about it, Alex. When you asked me. That’s how much it meant to me. He wasn’t supposed to be there and -"
"I know. Joe said that -"
"You had to get to Joe to tell you?! You couldn’t just believe me?!"
"No! Addison called the bar to prove that -"
"That maybe I’m not a liar?"
"That Louise was actually there."
Callie ran a hand through her hair. "I’m not doing this. I am *not* fighting with you any more tonight! I mean it!"
"I’m not mad anymore," Alex told her.
"Well, good for you." She raised her brows. "I am! You screamed at me, called me a liar, and then *left* me. You gave up on us over a stupid lunch! And you call *me* a flier!?"
"You lied to me over a stupid lunch. I was pissed. Seeing you with him ... it gets to me. Because I know how you felt about him. I’m the one who picked up the pieces in case you fail to remember."
"There is nothing in this world that should threaten you less than George O’Malley."
"He can give you things that I can’t."
Alex had hoped his simple admission would be enough for her to walk into his arms, but apparently it wasn’t. She stood her ground. He was holding the first aid kit so he pointed at the toilet and said, "Sit down and let me bandage your face."
"I don’t want my face bandaged."
"Well, it’s not negotiable. You popped a stitch and -"
"You’re not touching me."
"Callie, could you please try to meet me halfway?"
"You packed your things while I was at work. It didn’t matter what I said to you ... you were leaving me! Do you call *that* halfway?!"
"I *stayed* to hear what you had to say! It’s not my fault that the truth came out like an impacted tooth. You actually deserved what happened tonight."
"Nobody should ever feel the way that I felt tonight. Don’t you ever tell me that I deserved that again." She started to move past him, but he blocked her one more time. "We’re not talking about this."
"Fine! We won’t talk about any of it and then it’ll just fester like a -"
"Move out of my way."
"No."
"Just ... go to hell!!!"
He glared at her. "Ooooh, nice and mature. You want to call me a few names now? Or do you want to handle this like an adult?"
"I want to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning and I’m tired. You’ve exhausted me."
"We’re not going to bed mad. We’re -"
"YOU are not going to bed here at all. You left. Remember? The door is that way and I didn’t invite you back in."
"Okay, fine. You want me to go, I’ll go." He tossed the kit onto the counter in the bathroom and turned on his heel. "But this isn’t over."
"Wait."
"What?!"
"I’m sorry," she replied softly. "It’s late. You don’t have to go."
He smiled. It was slight, barely there, but he smiled. "I’m sorry, too, and I don’t want to go."
"You’re still not sleeping with me."
"Callie, look, there’s something I need to tell you about my past that will explain why I got so freaked out at the party by the thought of you running and why I didn’t want you to have a relationship with George’s mother. I should have told you sooner because it will explain a lot, but I just couldn’t do it."
She looked at him thoughtfully, then nodded. "Okay."
"I’m not telling you until you sit down and let me work on your face." He breathed a sigh of relief when she sat down on the toilet. He retrieved the kit and rifled through it. "I think I told you that I beat up my dad when I got big enough. He left and never came back. Naturally, he also didn’t pay any child support so my mom had to work two jobs. She was a waitress at a truck stop and at a greasy spoon cafe. There was never enough money so she worked all the time."
He opened a sterilized swab and used it to clean the cut with antiseptic. When she cringed, he leaned forward and blew it. "Mom resented me from the day that my dad left until the day that she did. Maybe she still does, I don’t know."
"What -"
"I’m getting there." He pulled on a glove and dabbed a little cream into the cut with his finger. "I stayed in Iowa to be close to her. That’s why I went to school there. I could have had a full ride to New York, but I didn’t want to leave her because as soon as I graduated high school she went a little crazy. She quit her jobs and lived in a house with no utilities for almost eight months. I kept the rent paid by working as much as I could, but I couldn’t afford the rest. She eventually qualified for disability of some kind. I don’t even know what it was for, but she had electricity again. Off and on. When she could remember to pay it.
"I went home every weekend to make sure that she had enough to eat and I’d try to cook enough to last her all week. She would talk about my dad, about how much she missed him, about how-" He trailed off and dug through the kit. When he pulled out a butterfly bandage, his eyes were misty. "About how I had ruined her life by making him leave. I had forced her to work so much and tired. She was lonely. Her doctors put her on strong anti-depressants and she stopped eating, stopped doing anything. After a while.
"Somehow I got the grades and Cornell gave me a full scholarship. I went home and told her about it and I promised her that I wouldn’t go. I wanted to take care of her. I wanted to get her back on her feet and figure out how to make her happy. The next weekend I went home again." He secured the bandage to her face and leaned forward, pressing a kiss against it, letting his cheek linger beside hers. When he finished, he sat down on the edge of the clawfoot tub. "I went home and there was a note on the door. It was brief. She simply said that she needed to get away and asked me not to worry."
He took a deep, shaky breath and tore off some toilet tissue, which he used to dab her eyes and not his. "I haven’t seen her since then. She ... she ran. She was a flier. The police didn’t want to help me and I didn’t know what to do. I spent that whole summer looking for her and then I went away to school. I - I think that’s why she did it. I think she knew I’d stay with her, take care of her, and let the chance pass me by. To this day, I call our old neighbors every week to see if she’s come back. She never has. I don’t know if she’s dead or alive."
"Oh my god." Callie leaned forward and hugged him, crying against his shoulder. "Why didn’t you tell me this?"
"Because just like you did today ... I didn’t want you to be upset by the truth. That’s why I’m not mad anymore." Alex held onto her, unashamed of the fact that he was shaking from his own tears. "That why I was so thrown when you kept saying that you run when you’re overwhelmed and that’s why I hate that you’re so close to O’Malley’s mother. I don’t have that to offer you. I don’t have any family."
"*You* are all that I need. How could you doubt that?" Callie pulled back so she could look at him. "And in case you didn’t notice ... my family is large and overbearing enough for the both of us."
"I did notice that."
She kissed him, quick and chaste. "I’m so sorry about your mom. I don’t know what else to say."
"You can tell me that I can come home."
"You’re the one who left. I didn’t want you to go." She reached up and stroked the tears on his cheek. Her hand dropped suddenly and her mouth fell open. "You *lied* to my parents! You’ve been preaching to me that lies *always* catch up to you and then you freak out at me, but you did the same damn thing!"
"Okay, did you actually hear the part where I acknowledged that?"
"Sleep in the other bedroom."
"Addison and Mark are in there."
"Sleep on the couch."
"Hang on!" Alex held up a hand. "Wait! I’ll be right back!"
Callie had moved to the bed when he returned. She looked up at him and smiled despite her resolve to remain angry. He carried a teddy bear that was clutching a potted plant and five oversized balloons had been tied to the bear’s arm. Holding it out to her, he said, "I know it’s not much, but the florist was closed so I couldn’t buy bastard flowers."
"Bastard flowers?"
"I’m sorry for being a bastard."
"You should be sorry for being a hypocritical asshole." She took the bear and ran her hand over it’s face. "But I guess you’re forgiven."
"Can I sleep with you?"
"If you cook me breakfast in," She glanced down at her watch. "Five hours."
"You didn’t have dinner, did you?" He sat beside her on the bed. "Addison didn’t -"
"Addison was too busy trying to stop me from drinking to think about anything else." She let her thumb rub over the velvety leaves of the plant. "It’s the first thing I want to do when things get bad. Can you pour out all the alcohol in the wet bar?"
"No. You’re gonna pour it out yourself." He took her hand. "You didn’t drink, right?"
"The only reason I didn’t drink was because I literally could not pull myself up off the floor. Don’t ever do that to me again." She squeezed his fingers and took a deep breath. "I think maybe I’m going to go to an AA meeting, Alex. Because the way that I think sometimes can’t be normal. And ... maybe they think that way, too, and can tell me how to stop."
He hugged her, his sigh of relief loud and clear. He knew that she had enjoyed the oblivion she had put herself into for the those fifteen days in North Carolina. She had told him as much. He also knew that the buzz that was brought on by alcohol was something a lot of people liked a little too much. She was one of them. "I love you."
"I love you," she replied softly. "If you don’t want me to be friends with George or his family then I won’t."
"No." He sat back and rubbed her face. "Friends are important, but family is more important. They’ll always be family. I get that."
"I’m not going to do *anything* that will make tonight happen again."
"It will NEVER happen again. I’m not going anywhere. Except the kitchen," he assured her. "I’m gonna go make us both something to eat. I’ll be right back."
Alex quietly prepared two sandwiches. When he carried them back into the bedroom he drew up short. She was already asleep. She had taken the balloons off the bear and the plant from its arms and had it hugged to her chest.
He didn’t have the heart to wake her up.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, he ate both sandwiches.
When he finally crawled in beside her, she curled against him. Just before he dozed off, he thought of what Raphael had told him about how women were built to carry love. The next time he talked to the man he’d have to tell him that it didn’t just stain a woman’s soul.
Alex was stained all over.
And nothing could wipe it away.
*~*~*~*~*~
Callie bumped into Mark in the hallway before the sun had come up. He was coming out of the bathroom and she was headed for the kitchen in search of coffee. She stumbled, still half asleep despite having showered and dressed, and he caught her. She yawned and rubbed her eyes. "I hate being a doctor. No one should see the ass crack of dawn. Why can’t people get sick after noon?"
He grinned at her, following her into the galley. "Are you okay?"
Callie opened the cabinet and pulled out her trusty bag of Starbucks. "Me specifically or me and Alex?"
"Both."
She shrugged her shoulders. "Alex stayed. That’s a good sign."
"And you?"
Dropping a filter into the pot, she measured out the coffee and turned it on, inhaling deeply as it began to brew. She turned back to him and saw Alex’s duffel bags out of the corner of her eye. It twisted her gut, heavy and painful. The simple truth was ... he had left her. And she wasn’t over the shock or the realization that he had actually packed his bags and was gone in the blink of an eye. She turned slightly so she couldn’t see the reminder. "I’ll be okay."
"Addison told me." He leaned against the counter, helping himself to an apple. "What you did. How you meant to do it."
"Are you going to tell me I’m legally insane again?"
"No. I’m going to tell you that you’re not a coward so don’t act like one."
She watched him try to bite into the fake fruit and laughed at the look on his face. Reaching behind her, she tossed him a real apple. "My mother thinks that every kitchen should have the requisite fake fruit basket."
"What did Melana think about the mirrors on the ceiling in there?" He nodded at the starboard bedroom.
"She didn’t think anything. My mother is completely innocent when it comes to biblical knowledge of anyone, even my father. She has never had sex, will never have sex, and that’s all there is to it."
"Do I need to ask Addison to make sure you understand where you came from?"
"I was left on her doorstep like Harry Potter. Which is why I’m the girl who lived ... despite my not so valiant efforts to the contrary."
"About that -"
"Smell. Coffee." Addison staggered from the bedroom. "Need. Coffee."
Callie pulled four mugs from the cabinet and handed her one. She glanced at Mark and said, "The cappuccino machine is in the hall closet. You can actually have it. We don’t use it."
"We?" Addison poured milk and sugar into her cup. "There’s a we? So, it’s okay?"
Callie opened her mouth to reply, but she heard Alex moving around in the other room. Something that felt very much like anxiety raced through her and she couldn’t push it away. She sidestepped Addison and picked up her coat from the chair. Grabbing her purse, she said, "Uh, I actually have to go to work a little early this morning. I want to check on a patient pre-rounds so could you let Alex know that he’ll need to drive? Oh, by the way," She smiled at Addison. "Thank you for last night. Since you guys are off today so feel free to hang around and enjoy those mirrors on the ceiling. That bed actually vibrates, but you’ll have to figure out how."
"Callie, wait-"
"Seeya later."
"What the hell was that about?" Mark asked as Callie took the steps two at a time.
Addison slammed her mug on the counter and shouted, "Karev, get your ass out here!"
"Hey," Alex replied, coming out of the bedroom carrying his shoes. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Callie’s gone." Addison put her hands on her hips. "She blew out of here like a tornado and didn’t even have coffee. What the hell did you do?"
Alex looked around the room as if Addison were lying. "We’re on the same shift today. Why would she leave?"
"You tell me!"
Mark cleared his throat. "She said she wanted to get to the hospital early to check on a patient. Did - did you guys not make up last night?"
"Hell, I thought we did."
"That’s what you get for thinking," Addy replied.
*~*~*~*~*~
So, yeah. They were gonna be broken up for like a week, but they refused to do it and I couldn't do it. I just could not do it.
But ... did you happen to notice that Raphael's wisdom to the guys was, in actuality, Melana's wisdom to HIM in Callie's hospital room? Hehehe.. he had nothing original to tell those poor guys that day. And mother knows best. ;)
Callie's still not a happy camper at this point, but at least she's acknowledging that she has a problem. Right? *sigh* That girl...