I've never understood how someone can just.... sketch...
How they can magically produce a masterpiece-like-replica of the thing in front of them.

My mother was a graphic designer, and a gifted photographer, and painter, and... I struggled all my life with so much in comparison to her.

When I was quite young, I vaguely remember a little trauma that I' ( Read more... )

This realization is sparking several others. (my edible just kicked in)

When I worked summer camp jobs because I loved the kids but ... well, there's several but's. I was allergic to bees (and grass lol) but with a concussion, dehydration and a recent few stings, I had nights in the med ward CONSTANTLY.
It was people pleasing. I hurt, sometimes ( Read more... )

Familiarization. Recognize what arises for what it is, and know that emotion is temporary. Emotions are like the ocean waves, starting, building, and dissolving back into the waters ( Read more... )

This has nothing to to with Linkin Park, but it's my fuckin journal. Emily sounds incredible, the band is killin it..

I feel guilty. I "should" be happy, because now instead of looking forward to Linkin Park covers, I can look forward to Linkin Park!

But I wasn't ready to watch someone else heal where I've been stagnant. (This is a dangerous ( Read more... )

my former self, ‘cause fuck comparing myself to others ( Read more... )

I'll be 40 next year.

I have unironically used the "Back in MY day" phrase..

But POTS, Anxiety, Depression, etc..

In your day, there weren't the "Autism" or "ADHD" diagnoses, BUT THAT DIDN'T MEAN CASES DIDN'T EXIST!! Now there are WORDS for someone who forgets to eat and sleep, someone who has hallucinations, someone who feels faint when standing, ( Read more... )

I really love Animal Crackers. I'm not sure how long they've been a comfort food, but the ones I always got were wet. I had drooled on them.
They had an almost wet-bread texture.
I HATE WET BREAD!!!

I did it again tonight.
I was falling asleep and I heard a little drop..
Drool. On my crackers...
Again...
Sigh...

Talking with the husband is glorious, because our minds differ so much. I get so lost in emotion or thought without logic, and he's like my Spock; overly emotional but displaying logic on the outside.

"But I can't just THROW logic at it and make it go away!"

In my head, it's tumultuous. It's like a hard ocean storm, the one you know is gonna kill ( Read more... )

It's not that I'm a liar - I try to be far from it.

Just check this out and you'll understand.

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5le9WiEM8EToe4HMgULGjZ?si=3b072342098a4891&pt=454b5f146665b8f1de0606d3a71a2f57

I ( Read more... )

My inner child is broken,
because of the expectations
        she put... on me.
     She had so many plans for me to be truly something EXTRAORDINARY. I was smart! I was pretty! I liked sports! I was kind(ish)! I knew I'd grow up and be something amazing. I'd join the Peace Corps and Teach Abroad! Yeah!

Though I never did that, I didn't FAIL. I just ( Read more... )