(random fic): Saving Private Sungmin, and then some - Part 2
THIS IS PART 2. If you have not yet read Part 1, click HERE
Saving Private Sungmin, and then some
Part 2
It hits the Mongolian tribe unexpectedly. One moment, Mongolian warriors are pacing the borders of the building, where their precious Sungmin is said to be housed-but by the next moment, they have a more pressing concern on their hands.
“Damn the Chinese!” they all shriek, and every single Mongolian rushes forth at the three men in their midst. But with a flash of light they all recoil, blinded, and in that moment Hankyung seizes the opportunity to strike down as many warriors as he can.
“Han Geng, behind you!” Henry cries, and Hankyung swivels on the spot and takes out the Mongolian behind him.
“Thank you,” Hankyung says gratefully, “but you need to get out of here already! You should have returned immediately.”
“But Han Geng, what if you-?”
“tu8og38otgkadjssloigt803!” Hankyung snaps, and though Kibum doesn’t have a clue what had just been said he finds the world around him suddenly spinning; by the time the space before him has refocused once more, Kibum finds himself back inside.
“You’re late!” Leeteuk nags at the two of them, and for a moment Kibum almost finds Leeteuk motherly. “What took you?”
“xcbgk;lihgdsiatb3oqah! Dsjghbe09ahtq3aaa (Han Geng) fandto8ath!”
“The Mongolians are vicious,” Zhou Mi translates, giving Henry a reproachful look for his lack of Korean. “Han Geng’s trying his best, but he probably can’t take on all of them.”
“Ah, that’s right,” Donghae says with an enthusiastic nod. “Mongol’s got a rather foul history with China, and Hankyung’s Chinese.”
“I could help,” Sungmin offers, though Kangin immediately shoots him down. “No really, I can-stop that, Kangin, I’m being serious-I know martial arts too-”
“It’s too risky,” Leeteuk says, shaking his head. Then, turning to Eunhyuk and Heechul, he asks: “How good would your persuasion powers work here?”
“Not too well,” Eunhyuk says first. “Especially if they’re blinded by nationalism, there’s really not much I can do.”
Heechul nods at Eunhyuk instead of expressing the same sentiment.
Leeteuk sighs. All right, then. Though I feel really bad for the Mongolians, it looks like we really only have two options: Either Shindong swallows them whole, or Ryeowook shatters them to smithereens.”
“Don’t feel bad!” Donghae says as some form of encouragement. “They owe us anyway.”
“I’ll admit, Donghae, when I let you join the team I didn’t quite think I’d be using your ability in this way at all. (Actually, didn’t I let you join only because we needed the numbers?)”
In the end, Ryeowook is the one who ends up being teleported outside, and it’s only after a worn Hankyung is sent back indoors that Ryeowook begins to sing his heart out. And while the fourteen other men agree that his singing sounds wonderful from indoors and through earmuffs, the entire Mongolian tribe begs to differ-or would beg, rather, if their bodies hadn’t been currently in a million pieces.
After a celebratory dinner, Leeteuk asks each of the other fourteen men to share something about their past (“Or at the least something interesting about yourself, if for some reason you don’t have one.”), in yet another attempt at team building.
“I’ll start,” Leeteuk even offers. “You can only see the dimples in my smile when I’m genuinely happy. If they’re no dimples, then I’m actually having a sob-fest on the inside.”
“That explains quite a bit,” Kangin snaps from the other end of the table, and when Leeteuk choose to ignore him he squeezes Sungmin’s hand and clears his throat. “I’ll go next, then. When I was in grade school, people used to tease me by saying I was as sneaky as a mouse, mostly because I kinda looked like one back then.”
“You look more like a raccoon now,” says Sungmin with a smile. “But I think you’d still make a cute mouse.”
“Thanks.” They continue to take turns sharing in this manner. Hankyung shares that he’d once taken ballet; Heechul talks about an instance in which a threesome had gone terribly wrong (“Why does that sound familiar?” Siwon had asked, unknowingly giving himself away in the process). Yesung says something about his pet turtle, but no one really listens to him; Shindong talks about his love for food, more particularly being able to eat everything he likes without suffering direct consequences.
Zhou Mi, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, and Ryeowook share similar stories: random facts without too much significance. Even Sungmin uses his turn to share with the group his unrequited love for all things pink. It’s only when it’s Kibum’s turn that something meaningful is shared.
And within the next ten minutes the other men learn that Kibum had once been a quiet boy (“But you’re still quiet, Kibum.”) who had been scared of everything and anything that moved, to the point where he couldn’t take much of anything anymore. And so one day he’d taken refuge in a park, which was where he’d found Henry for the first time.
“I overshot teleportation,” Henry explains. “Kibum lived in Los Angeles at the time, while I had lived in Toronto-that’s like, tens of thousands of kilometers apart, by the way,” Henry add, noting several confused faces. “But yeah, I was supposed to go to my friend’s house down the road, sorta ended up in Los Angeles by accident….”
“So we were both crying about random stuff,” continues Kibum, “and so we talked our problems out to each other. And we’ve been close ever since… mainly because Henry would randomly come over. I had to convince my mom that he actually lived in Los Angeles, too….”
Kibum sighs, turning to a smiling Henry, and he gives one in turn. “So that’s what I had to share.”
“Kibum…” Yesung begins quietly, but before he can say much else Donghae gets out of his seat and hugs the poor man to death, but before Eunhyuk can properly glare at Kibum for Donghae’s stolen attention Kibum makes the room flash white and disappears yet again.
Several days after the Mongolian attack, Sungmin breaks up with Kangin.
Several days after the Mongolian attack, the majority of the other men lose it.
“When are we allowed to start calling them crazies?” Sungmin asks Leeteuk, and as the two of them watch Siwon, Kangin and Kyuhyun fight for Sungmin’s attention, Leeteuk can only offer a shrug as his reply.
Yesung wakes up that night to find Ryeowook’s worried face peering into his own, and as he raises himself to a sitting position he can feel the cold sweat that drenches his forehead.
“Another nightmare?” Ryeowook asks, petting Ddangkoma’s shell softly, but though Yesung is slightly confused as to why Ddangkoma is in Ryeowook’s grasp to begin with he’s too lost in the moment to think to ask him about it.
“Maybe,” Yesung rasps, wiping his forehead. “It could also be another premonition thing.”
Ryeowook frowns. “But if it’s really a premonition, isn’t that a good thing-because you only see things that don’t happen?”
“Normally, but it’s not like I always foresee negative moments. Like, if I see happy moments in premonitions, that’s usually not a good sign.”
“But if you’d seen happy moments, you wouldn’t have had a nightmare in the first place.” Yesung’s eyes grow wide at this realization, though Ryeowook mistakes it as fear. “Ya, Yesung, it’s late and you’re just not thinking straight. You’re probably just over-thinking it, that’s all.”
“Yeah,” Yesung sighs, leaning back into the bed. “I’ll just go back to sleep then. Don’t forget to put Ddangkoma back in his tank.”
“I won’t,” Ryeowook assures him, and that’s the last Yesung sees or thinks of Ryeowook. Instead, thoughts of Kibum, Sungmin, and the events that tie them together, are what plague his mind from sleep.
Several days after several days after the Mongolian attacks, Sungmin begins seeing Siwon.
Several days after several days after the Mongolian attacks, Kangin is absolutely furious.
“What does Siwon have that I don’t?” Kangin yells at Leeteuk, who is busy washing the dishes. “No one even knows what he’s capable of doing-no one except you, anyway. But still. The least Sungmin could have done was to tell me why he broke up with me and what I didn’t have that Siwon-”
“He doesn’t need a reason,” Leeteuk interjects coldly. “He probably broke up with you for the same reasons I did.”
Kangin sighs. “For the last time, I broke up with you.”
“You lie!”
“No, you lie. Only because women don’t like being told they’re wrong.”
“Ya, Kangin, for the last time, I am not a woman, nor am I the woman in this relationship-that relationship, whatever.”
“You’d so be the woman,” Kangin can’t help but to chuckle under his breath, and he’s quickly reprimanded for entertaining such a thought.
“I can’t believe you! This is exactly the reason why we broke up, and now you’re digging it up as if it-”
“Ya, Leeteuk, stop complaining and finish washing the dishes,” and before Leeteuk can give any more protest Kangin leaves Leeteuk to his kitchen duties.
“Hyukkie,” Donghae asks Eunhyuk. “Do you think my power is flawed?”
“No, it’s quite useful, isn’t it?-to be able to look things up when you don’t know stuff?”
“I know, it’s just that…” Donghae sighs, pointing to the computer screen before them. “I mean, anyone can change the information on there. You can even start whole new articles if you wanted to. So what… what if I was pulling up faulty information that some kid thought to post online?”
“I dunno, Donghae, I’m sure they implement some procedures to make sure that…” but before he finishes Eunhyuk is reminded of a more pressing concern, and he almost jumps on the spot upon his realization. “Donghae… whose computer is this…?”
“Kyuhyun’s,” Donghae asks innocently. “Why?”
The slight sizzling sound and the smell of smoke is Donghae’s only response.
Siwon and Sungmin have their first date about a week after several days after several days after the Mongolian attack. But granted that going anywhere public impedes Sungmin’s safety, especially with only Siwon to protect him (“But I’m capable!” Siwon protests, and Leeteuk turns him down anyway), their “first date” consists of a candlelight dinner in the building’s basement.
“The fried rice is good,” Sungmin comments with a laugh, and Siwon politely informs Sungmin about Chef Hankyung’s amazing culinary skills. And overall, though the date is rather cheap and awkward (the latter being only because of Kangin and Kyuhyun’s creeping from the top flight of the stairs), the laughs Sungmin and Siwon share are enough evidence to prove that Sungmin had still had fun.
“What the fuck,” is the only thing Kyuhyun can manage upon seeing his fried computer. And naturally, it doesn’t take long to find out the culprit.
“Do you know how long getting that computer repaired is going to take me?” Kyuhyun roars at Donghae. “…actually, don’t answer that, I already know the answer to that.”
“I’m sorry!” Donghae wails. “It sorta just happened, and I don’t know why!”
“I don’t care why or how it happened! Now I won’t be able to play StarCraft!”
“But that’s wonderful news, Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi chimes in suddenly, and suddenly Kyuhyun finds the Chinese man slung around his neck. “Now you’ll actually pay attention to me!”
“But, but,” Kyuhuyn begins, but Zhou Mi silences him by placing a finger on his lips.
“Less StarCraft, more Mimi, yeah?”
“But… StarCraft….”
“How many times does it take a Kui Xian to pay attention to Zhou Mi before Zhou Mi gives up and finds someone else?”
“Five,” Kyuhyun responds automatically. And then, seeing Zhou Mi’s triumphant face, Kyuhyun sighs. “Fine, I get your point. What’d you want to do?”
“I have a few ideas,” Zhou Mi replies slyly, and without another word he drags Kyuhyun away, leaving a forgotten Donghae to himself.
The next team meeting makes half of the men present feel incompetent.
“We need to assess some sort of battle strategy,” Leeteuk is saying. “The first time we were all over the place. The second time we sorta knew what we were doing, but most of you were useless. So this time, we’re going to be ready. So what I want you all to do is: I’m going to give you a group of possible crazies, and you’re going to tell me how you would be of use in that situation. Make sense?”
And with that, the first example group of crazies is announced: an army of feminists dressed in Mickey Mouse suits.
“Can I just sing and blow them up? It’d make life so much easier.”
“I could swallow their suits, maybe?-but then I might swallow them whole, too.”
“I could make them stop attacking and make them put on a dance performance to that one song….”
“Or have them star in a lesbian porn film.”
In the end, almost all of them are useless… again. And so Leeteuk sighs and moves on to the next group: A giant horde of tortoises.
“Doesn’t this fall under animal cruelty?”
“And the cats didn’t?”
“Wouldn’t it be humanity cruelty, if tortoises were attacking us?”
“WE COULD GET DDANGKOMA TO TALK TO THEM!”
“…Wookie, Ddangkoma stays out of this.”
“Besides, Wookie, Ddangkoma’s a turtle, not a tortoise. It’d be like trying to speak Korean to a Japanese guy.”
“I could look up a tortoise’s weaknesses!”
“…because I’m sure Wikipedia has been bothered enough to include how to find a turtle’s weakness. I think I’ll just persuade the turtles to hide in their shells or something.”
“Tortoises, not turtles! And Wikipedia has everything.”
In the end, most of them prove useless yet again, and after several more trials it is concluded that Heechul, Zhou Mi, Siwon, and Kyuhyun are the most useless out of all of them.
“With Donghae being almost useless,” Heechul adds defensively. “And Yesung and Kangin are mostly useless.”
And it’s on this note that the third wave of crazies arrives.
“And suddenly turtles no longer seems like a ridiculous idea,” Eunhyuk mutters in shock (“Tortoises!” Donghae corrects. “There’s a difference, you know!”), eyes widening at the sight before him.
“I… don’t think I want to swallow that,” Shindong says blankly, while Ryeowook asks “Does it even have ears?” to no one in particular.
But they don’t really have much time to ask other questions though, and before anyone else can express their utter shock for the current situation Mewtwo’s voice begins to fill the room.
“Lee Sungmin,” is all it says. “Which of you is Lee Sungmin?”
“Why?” fourteen men ask in unison, inadvertently giving Sungmin away. And Mewtwo, being rather intelligent, uses this logic and points to the silent fifteenth.
“You,” Mewtwo says again. “A perfect clone must have perfect offspring. Come with me.”
“False!” Donghae yells. “As a legendary Pokemon, Mewtwo cannot breed."
And though it’s in this moment in which Donghae proves he isn’t “almost useless,” it’s also in this moment that Mewtwo becomes hostile. And if that isn’t enough, it’s also when a bunch of men discover just how much psychic powers suck.
…it’s also when Leeteuk’s ability is finally revealed to them.
“Show off,” Kangin says dismissively, rolling his eyes as Leeteuk’s now spread angel wings hold back Mewtwo’s psychic power.
“AND YOU CALLED OUR POWERS CLICHÉ!” Ryeowook and Donghae wail simultaneously. “Hypocrite! Leader Leeteuk with angel wings of steel is the cliché of clichés!” But before either man can dish out any further complaints Kibum flashes a burst of white, and Mewtwo disappears from their sights entirely.
Making battle plans proves to be a much more challenging task without Leeteuk in their presence, or at least that’s what Kangin wants to believe (“It couldn’t possibly be because we’re dealing with a fucking Pokemon,” Kangin snaps when Shindong tries showing to him the truth.) And so, though Hankyung does try his best to take over the position, as a whole the fourteen men end up wasting more time than relieving Leeteuk of any.
“Let’s rule out possibilities,” Shindong says when Hankyung decides he’s had enough. “Who’s completely useless, here?”
Heechul lists them off his fingers as if he’s had them memorized since birth. “Me, Hankyung, Yesung, Kangin, Sungmin, Zhou Mi, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, and Kyuhyun.”
“Why am I useless?” Donghae whines, and though it had been asked rhetorically Kyuhyun still regurgitates an answer anyway.
“So we’ll go down the line from there,” says Shindong. “I don’t really want to have to swallow that thing, so try to save that for a last resort.”
Donghae suddenly shrieks. “OMG I JUST REALIZED, MEWTWO LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN!” Then, to Eunhyuk, he adds, “See, Hyukkie, I told you they’re real!”
Shindong ignores the interruption entirely, turning to Kibum and Henry. “So you guys and Ryeowook are basically the only ones capable of doing anything. You got any ideas?”
And much to Shindong’s surprise, Kibum steps forward and nods a quiet and subtle affirmative.
“But we’re also going to need Donghae, Eunhyuk, and Siwon.”
“Your efforts are futile, human,” Mewtwo is telling Leeteuk when Henry arrives with Kibum, Eunhyuk and Donghae, though only the latter two remain after another bright flash of light.
“What’re you doing?” Leeteuk asks in disbelief, but Eunhyuk only ignores him, muttering utter nonsense under his breath.
Mewtwo only laughs. “Human, I can hear you. Do you really think I can be swayed by your mere persuasions?”
“It’s not what I’m after,” Eunhyuk says with a sly smile, and Mewtwo only scoffs disbelievingly as Eunhyuk begins to mutter once more.
“No, human, I won’t calm down, and I won’t leave Lee Sungmin alone. Any other requests you’d like to have denied?”
But before Eunhyuk can even open his mouth to respond a booming voice rings from somewhere behind Mewtwo: “By the will of God, I demand that you retreat at once!”
“And who might you be?” Mewtwo asks calmly yet terrifyingly, turning around to the newcomer, and the man, shibrows and all, holds his ground confidently.
“I am God’s messenger,” Siwon declares, and Mewtwo only laughs. “By his will you are to step down and leave Lee Sungmin alone. He reminds you that, as a Pokemon and as a legendary species, breeding conflicts should not concern you.”
“Like I would listen to God, really. I am the most perfect, superior being, and my existence is a contradiction to God’s.”
“God reminds you not to commit words of blasphemy. He also asks that you not forget who birthed you.”
“I haven’t forgotten,” Mewtwo replies coldly. “Humans created me in their greed for the perfect Pokemon-and they succeeded, for that matter. Why should I serve this “God,” a mere creation of the human mind?-and say this God really does exist. What justification is there that makes me subservient to this God?”
“The transitive relation,” Donghae answers almost mechanically, and Mewtwo is forced to turn around again. “God birthed humans, and humans birthed you. Therefore, God birthed you as well, thus making you subservient to him.”
“And what will happen if I don’t listen to this God?”
“You’ll be smote by God’s divine judgment,” Siwon answers for him, and Mewtwo is forced to turn around yet again.
“Really?” Mewtwo asks disbelieving. “Quite frankly I think this is all a heist to hold me up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have matters with Lee Sungmin to attend-” but before Mewtwo is able to finish a lightning bolt drops from the sky, and after one last bright flash of white Mewtwo is no more.
It takes a few days for everyone to figure out just how they’d managed to overcome this particular round of crazies, namely Mewtwo.
“Like I’d been trying to say that first day,” Henry says, “Kibum makes flashes by doing some weird shit with the particles in the air. I think in the same way, by manipulating the particles in the air, he can create discharge between the air particles and those on the ground… or something like that. I kinda forgot what my physics textbook said about lightning after that.”
“So let me get this straight,” Heechul says skeptically. “Leeteuk’s an angel, Siwon’s God’s messenger, and Kibum can make lightning bolts drop from the sky at will?”
“Pretty much, yes.”
And Heechul, after looking searchingly at Hankyung and Kangin, sighs and shakes his head furiously. “I still hold by my now ridiculously sounding claim that no God exists, especially if Kibum had to fake God’s divine judgment.”
“Watch what you say, Heechul,” Siwon whispers, and when Heechul responds with “I stand by the notion that you don’t really have such a power and that it’d all just been an act for Mewtwo” Siwon responds with “But isn’t acting your lame excuse of a power?”
On the same night Sungmin and Siwon’s relationship comes to an end, Yesung pulls Kibum away from the others.
“I have something important to tell you,” Yesung says right off the bat, and he takes Kibum’s lack of response as a sign to continue. “A few nights or so ago, I… saw something, I guess you could say. I saw you breaking up with Henry.”
It takes Kibum a few moments to make sense out of what Yesung’s said, and in that time Yesung says nothing-though he actually does want to say much more. And when Kibum does talk, Yesung is glad he hadn’t.
“…so what’s your worry, then? If you saw that, then it won’t happen, right? Besides, we’re not even really dating.”
Yesung sighs. “I… just want to make sure, that’s all. Because if, for some reason, what I saw is actually right for once… then Sungmin’s at risk of dying.”
Yesung says the last part under a whisper, and though it lacks a worried yet ominous tone it’s enough to send shivers up Kibum’s spine.
“Sungmin felt pressured and intimidated,” Siwon tells Kangin sadly when he asks about their breakup. “Somehow, I guess he didn’t like the idea of being God’s messenger’s boyfriend.”
“I guess not,” Kangin says lightly, not paying too much favor to all the religious talk. So instead, Kangin asks about Sungmin: “Do you know if he’s looking again?”
“Not really, though he probably will. Kyuhyun’s the only one interested in him now, right?-oh wait, you too.”
“Not me,” Kangin corrects, grimacing. “Not anymore, at least. I… I sorta wanna get back together with Leeteuk.”
“Leeteuk?” Siwon asks loudly in disbelief, and Kangin quickly hushes him. “But why? I thought you broke up with him.”
“No, he broke up with me. I was just lying about it because I was being a typical man… you know, hurt pride and all.”
“Oh, I see…. Well, good luck!”
“Yeah, thanks.” Kangin sighs. “How about you, though? You turning to anyone?”
Siwon shrugs. “I guess I’ll go see if Hankyung and Heechul will consider taking me back or something.”
“Hankyung and Heechul?” Kangin asks, furrowing his brow in confusion. But after a moment or two he catches on. “God’s messenger gets some, I see?”
“Quite a bit, actually.”
They find out that the next team meeting is their last, and for some reason the thought depresses all of them.
“They’re attempting to pass legislation that ensures Sungmin’s safety,” Leeteuk explains. “So naturally, when those laws pass, there won’t really be a need for us to protect him.”
“What kind of laws?”
“Making forcible collection of his sperm punishable by death.”
“But what if someone like Mewtwo comes back to attack him?” Donghae cries, turning to Eunhyuk pleadingly. “Even worse, what if the aliens come and invade? Who’s going to protect him then?”
“Don’t jinx it,” Kangin mutters bitterly, while Yesung merely shudders violently.
“It really should be fine,” Leeteuk assures them. “But in the meantime, Sungmin’s probably more at risk than ever, especially since the crazies will probably make their last attempts while it’s still legal. So if we can just make it through these next few weeks….”
Leeteuk is surprised when he arrives home that evening to find a gigantic card lying on his bed, but he’s absolutely stunned when he lifts it open and peers inside.
“UMMARRRRRR WE’LL MISS YOU ;A;” is what he finds written in large, bold letters, though he really doesn’t know why.
“You like it?” a voice suddenly asks, and Leeteuk turns to find Kangin stepping into the room behind him. “It was my idea.”
“Kangin, I…” and at that moment, Leeteuk doesn’t know whether he wants to cry or to hug Kangin, but what he does know is that if he doesn’t do anything soon his emotions are going to get the best of him.
So Leeteuk settles with both.
(“But why ummar?” a curious Leeteuk asks hours later, and he isn’t pleased when Kangin informs him that it is yet another reference to Leeteuk’s womanly role in a relationship between two men. But for some reason, he isn’t as bothered this time around.)
But of course, Donghae ends up jinxing it.
It all had happened so fast. In one moment Sungmin had stepped out onto the balcony for a breath of fresh air; the next, he’s frozen in an indestructible ice sculpture.
“Let him go!” Kyuhyun yells angrily, pounding onto the crystal of ice that is Sungmin’s prison. And though at the time no one has a clue who exactly he’s talking to, within moments it’s made clear.
“Lee Sungmin,” a voice booms around them, “you’ve let your guard down. And at last I’ve captured you.”
“Why do I have the strangest feeling we’re dealing with another Mewtwo here?” Donghae whispers, to which Eunhyuk responds with “I don’t think it has anything to do with the unnaturally all-surrounding voice we’re hearing right now, Hae. Not at all.”
And that’s when Henry realizes that they’re dealing with fucking Ganondorf (“Fucking with emphasis,” Heechul clarifies, only to burst into laughter with Hankyung once he realizes he’s made the same mistake yet again), of all crazies to have snuck upon them on their last weeks.
(“Though I have the strangest feeling Ganondorf would have abided with newly legislated Korean laws,” Heechul says with a laugh, and though it had been meant as a joke it was also likely the truth.”)
“BATTLE STRATEGY PARTY AT UMMAR’S HOUSE!” thirteen men suggest demand, and Leeteuk doesn’t even bother a protest.
The first team-meeting-after-the-last-team-meeting is spent decorated with Leeteuk’s UMMAR card draping an entire side of a wall, and it’s also spent with a generous amount of Hankyung’s famed cooking. But by no means is it a celebration, however, and as soon as thirteen hungry stomachs are fed they go right down to business.
“So I used Yahoo! Maps and got driving directions to Ganon’s castle,” Leeteuk says, handing out the sheets to all of them. “It says it’s a three hour drive, but we have to account for traffic and everything. We should be able to fit in three cars, if anyone’s willing to drive.”
“I can drive,” Kangin, Shindong, and Donghae all volunteer, though almost everyone protests to the latter.
“If he drives, the car will explode,” Kyuhyun reasons, and as proof he takes out his fried laptop from his bag (which he apparently still carries with him out of habit, he explains to a confused Ryeowook). And when Donghae sighs and relents, Hankyung is instead chosen.
Leeteuk writes their names down before continuing. “All right, that’s settled. Next, we have to figure out a battle plan. Anyone ever played the Zelda games?”
“I have,” Henry volunteers, and then he begins to detail the many different Ganon’s castles in the different Zelda games, wherever applicable. “…and in Ocarina of Time, you sorta have to remove this barrier thing by going to six different rooms and stuff.”
“Great,” says Kangin. “We can easily split into six groups.”
“Yeah, but I think two of them were inaccessible until some of the other rooms were completed.”
“Why are video games never that easy?-and no, Donghae, I don’t want an answer to that.”
“So essentially, we don’t know what to expect. As always.” Leeteuk sighs. “At the very least, we should probably come up with some form of buddy system, in case there’s a chance we have to split up.” And thereafter Leeteuk pairs them off: Ryeowook with Zhou Mi, Shindong with Yesung, Henry with Kyuhyun, Hankyung with Donghae, Leeteuk with Siwon, Kibum with Heechul, and Eunhyuk with Kangin.
“We leave tomorrow at dawn,” Leeteuk says afterwards, and with that he gives them a slight bow. “Tomorrow’s it, everyone. Make sure you’re well rested. And until tomorrow… goodnight.”
“Goodnight, ummar~!” the others shout in unison, and Leeteuk only rolls his eyes before sending them away.”
Yesung experiences his nightmare/premonition again that night, though this time he doesn’t think much of it. Ryeowook and Kibum are both right, after all, and though the contents of the nightmare/premonition disturb him he reminds himself that having seen Sungmin’s death is actually a blessing, even if not so much to him at that time.
On the way for a glass of water he catches Ryeowook cradling Ddangkoma yet again, though this time he knows why. And though he tells himself to remember to say goodbye to Ddangkoma too, by the time his thirst is quenched and fatigue takes over a second time, he forgets all about it.
Eunhyuk is slightly annoyed at first when Donghae crawls onto his bed rather indiscreetly, especially as he’d been in the middle of what just might’ve been his last good dream-but when he feels Donghae shiver against his chest he decides his own selfish opinions probably don’t matter at much.
“I can’t sleep,” Donghae mumbles, “and I’m nervous, and I’m worried that-”
“Shh,” Eunhyuk whispers, “it’s fine. We all are.”
That’s how Donghae falls asleep, with his head pressed firmly against Eunhyuk’s chest, with his arms clinging onto Eunhyuk’s waist as if his life had depended on it. And though Donghae’s grip doesn’t exactly make the position comfortable, Eunhyuk finds that in the end he’s rather okay with the position.
Heechul’s idea in spending the night before the end is a threesome, though it involves quite the show with Hankyung before it actually becomes a threesome. And though Siwon really does swear that he doesn’t want it, that it goes against his role as God’s messenger, that he’s only participating because Hankyung and Heechul are being ridiculously cruel and unfair atheists, when he moans Hankyung’s name with raspy breaths for air it isn’t quite as convincing.
“I don’t want to go home,” Henry whispers to Kibum in the dark.
“Why not?”
“Because… spending time with you is so much better than Skyp’ing you all the time.”
Kibum laughs. “Ya, Henry… you could just visit me, you know.”
“Yeah, but…” Henry sighs into the dark. “It’s not the same.”
And maybe it’s because the dark gives him courage, but when Kibum tells Henry that their time spent in Korea means a lot to him too, Henry gathers up his guts and mutters: “cnxpgth4rgawoH;L4HT.”
“…Henry, you know I can’t understand.”
“And maybe for the better,” is all Henry says in reply, and he leaves it at that.
It isn’t dawn yet, nor is it anywhere near dawn. But Kangin finds himself waking up anyway, and he’s not exactly surprised to find Leeteuk already up and about in the kitchen.
“Just last minute preparations,” Leeteuk says, packing rice cakes and other snacks into fourteen bags. “Ah, Kangin, can you go get the water bottles from the fridge?”
“Yeah.” And then, when Leeteuk turns away, Kangin continues. “You know, Leeteuk, you’d really make a good mother.”
“They all think I’m one anyway, no thanks to you.” Leeteuk pauses, looking up. “Kangin? The water bottles?”
“When I said you were the girl in our relationship-”
Leeteuk sighs. “Kangin, it’s fine, I-”
“I meant it in a good way.”-and at that moment rice cakes decide to fall out of Leeteuk’s grasp, though neither man makes an attempt to pick up the fallen.
“You… what?”
Kangin raises his hands defensively. “I know I sorta used it against you when you broke up with me and stuff, but… when I first said it, I meant it in a good way. I meant to tell you how you were always looking after me.”
“…oh.” Leeteuk bends down to pick up the fallen rice cake and then he walks away to dispose of it. “So why’d you have to put it that way, then?”
Kangin shrugs. “I don’t know. Not important now. What is important, though….”
And when Kangin proposes another shot at their relationship, Leeteuk doesn’t hesitate for even a second in taking him back.
Click here for Part 3
Saving Private Sungmin, and then some
Part 2
It hits the Mongolian tribe unexpectedly. One moment, Mongolian warriors are pacing the borders of the building, where their precious Sungmin is said to be housed-but by the next moment, they have a more pressing concern on their hands.
“Damn the Chinese!” they all shriek, and every single Mongolian rushes forth at the three men in their midst. But with a flash of light they all recoil, blinded, and in that moment Hankyung seizes the opportunity to strike down as many warriors as he can.
“Han Geng, behind you!” Henry cries, and Hankyung swivels on the spot and takes out the Mongolian behind him.
“Thank you,” Hankyung says gratefully, “but you need to get out of here already! You should have returned immediately.”
“But Han Geng, what if you-?”
“tu8og38otgkadjssloigt803!” Hankyung snaps, and though Kibum doesn’t have a clue what had just been said he finds the world around him suddenly spinning; by the time the space before him has refocused once more, Kibum finds himself back inside.
“You’re late!” Leeteuk nags at the two of them, and for a moment Kibum almost finds Leeteuk motherly. “What took you?”
“xcbgk;lihgdsiatb3oqah! Dsjghbe09ahtq3aaa (Han Geng) fandto8ath!”
“The Mongolians are vicious,” Zhou Mi translates, giving Henry a reproachful look for his lack of Korean. “Han Geng’s trying his best, but he probably can’t take on all of them.”
“Ah, that’s right,” Donghae says with an enthusiastic nod. “Mongol’s got a rather foul history with China, and Hankyung’s Chinese.”
“I could help,” Sungmin offers, though Kangin immediately shoots him down. “No really, I can-stop that, Kangin, I’m being serious-I know martial arts too-”
“It’s too risky,” Leeteuk says, shaking his head. Then, turning to Eunhyuk and Heechul, he asks: “How good would your persuasion powers work here?”
“Not too well,” Eunhyuk says first. “Especially if they’re blinded by nationalism, there’s really not much I can do.”
Heechul nods at Eunhyuk instead of expressing the same sentiment.
Leeteuk sighs. All right, then. Though I feel really bad for the Mongolians, it looks like we really only have two options: Either Shindong swallows them whole, or Ryeowook shatters them to smithereens.”
“Don’t feel bad!” Donghae says as some form of encouragement. “They owe us anyway.”
“I’ll admit, Donghae, when I let you join the team I didn’t quite think I’d be using your ability in this way at all. (Actually, didn’t I let you join only because we needed the numbers?)”
In the end, Ryeowook is the one who ends up being teleported outside, and it’s only after a worn Hankyung is sent back indoors that Ryeowook begins to sing his heart out. And while the fourteen other men agree that his singing sounds wonderful from indoors and through earmuffs, the entire Mongolian tribe begs to differ-or would beg, rather, if their bodies hadn’t been currently in a million pieces.
After a celebratory dinner, Leeteuk asks each of the other fourteen men to share something about their past (“Or at the least something interesting about yourself, if for some reason you don’t have one.”), in yet another attempt at team building.
“I’ll start,” Leeteuk even offers. “You can only see the dimples in my smile when I’m genuinely happy. If they’re no dimples, then I’m actually having a sob-fest on the inside.”
“That explains quite a bit,” Kangin snaps from the other end of the table, and when Leeteuk choose to ignore him he squeezes Sungmin’s hand and clears his throat. “I’ll go next, then. When I was in grade school, people used to tease me by saying I was as sneaky as a mouse, mostly because I kinda looked like one back then.”
“You look more like a raccoon now,” says Sungmin with a smile. “But I think you’d still make a cute mouse.”
“Thanks.” They continue to take turns sharing in this manner. Hankyung shares that he’d once taken ballet; Heechul talks about an instance in which a threesome had gone terribly wrong (“Why does that sound familiar?” Siwon had asked, unknowingly giving himself away in the process). Yesung says something about his pet turtle, but no one really listens to him; Shindong talks about his love for food, more particularly being able to eat everything he likes without suffering direct consequences.
Zhou Mi, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Siwon, and Ryeowook share similar stories: random facts without too much significance. Even Sungmin uses his turn to share with the group his unrequited love for all things pink. It’s only when it’s Kibum’s turn that something meaningful is shared.
And within the next ten minutes the other men learn that Kibum had once been a quiet boy (“But you’re still quiet, Kibum.”) who had been scared of everything and anything that moved, to the point where he couldn’t take much of anything anymore. And so one day he’d taken refuge in a park, which was where he’d found Henry for the first time.
“I overshot teleportation,” Henry explains. “Kibum lived in Los Angeles at the time, while I had lived in Toronto-that’s like, tens of thousands of kilometers apart, by the way,” Henry add, noting several confused faces. “But yeah, I was supposed to go to my friend’s house down the road, sorta ended up in Los Angeles by accident….”
“So we were both crying about random stuff,” continues Kibum, “and so we talked our problems out to each other. And we’ve been close ever since… mainly because Henry would randomly come over. I had to convince my mom that he actually lived in Los Angeles, too….”
Kibum sighs, turning to a smiling Henry, and he gives one in turn. “So that’s what I had to share.”
“Kibum…” Yesung begins quietly, but before he can say much else Donghae gets out of his seat and hugs the poor man to death, but before Eunhyuk can properly glare at Kibum for Donghae’s stolen attention Kibum makes the room flash white and disappears yet again.
Several days after the Mongolian attack, Sungmin breaks up with Kangin.
Several days after the Mongolian attack, the majority of the other men lose it.
“When are we allowed to start calling them crazies?” Sungmin asks Leeteuk, and as the two of them watch Siwon, Kangin and Kyuhyun fight for Sungmin’s attention, Leeteuk can only offer a shrug as his reply.
Yesung wakes up that night to find Ryeowook’s worried face peering into his own, and as he raises himself to a sitting position he can feel the cold sweat that drenches his forehead.
“Another nightmare?” Ryeowook asks, petting Ddangkoma’s shell softly, but though Yesung is slightly confused as to why Ddangkoma is in Ryeowook’s grasp to begin with he’s too lost in the moment to think to ask him about it.
“Maybe,” Yesung rasps, wiping his forehead. “It could also be another premonition thing.”
Ryeowook frowns. “But if it’s really a premonition, isn’t that a good thing-because you only see things that don’t happen?”
“Normally, but it’s not like I always foresee negative moments. Like, if I see happy moments in premonitions, that’s usually not a good sign.”
“But if you’d seen happy moments, you wouldn’t have had a nightmare in the first place.” Yesung’s eyes grow wide at this realization, though Ryeowook mistakes it as fear. “Ya, Yesung, it’s late and you’re just not thinking straight. You’re probably just over-thinking it, that’s all.”
“Yeah,” Yesung sighs, leaning back into the bed. “I’ll just go back to sleep then. Don’t forget to put Ddangkoma back in his tank.”
“I won’t,” Ryeowook assures him, and that’s the last Yesung sees or thinks of Ryeowook. Instead, thoughts of Kibum, Sungmin, and the events that tie them together, are what plague his mind from sleep.
Several days after several days after the Mongolian attacks, Sungmin begins seeing Siwon.
Several days after several days after the Mongolian attacks, Kangin is absolutely furious.
“What does Siwon have that I don’t?” Kangin yells at Leeteuk, who is busy washing the dishes. “No one even knows what he’s capable of doing-no one except you, anyway. But still. The least Sungmin could have done was to tell me why he broke up with me and what I didn’t have that Siwon-”
“He doesn’t need a reason,” Leeteuk interjects coldly. “He probably broke up with you for the same reasons I did.”
Kangin sighs. “For the last time, I broke up with you.”
“You lie!”
“No, you lie. Only because women don’t like being told they’re wrong.”
“Ya, Kangin, for the last time, I am not a woman, nor am I the woman in this relationship-that relationship, whatever.”
“You’d so be the woman,” Kangin can’t help but to chuckle under his breath, and he’s quickly reprimanded for entertaining such a thought.
“I can’t believe you! This is exactly the reason why we broke up, and now you’re digging it up as if it-”
“Ya, Leeteuk, stop complaining and finish washing the dishes,” and before Leeteuk can give any more protest Kangin leaves Leeteuk to his kitchen duties.
“Hyukkie,” Donghae asks Eunhyuk. “Do you think my power is flawed?”
“No, it’s quite useful, isn’t it?-to be able to look things up when you don’t know stuff?”
“I know, it’s just that…” Donghae sighs, pointing to the computer screen before them. “I mean, anyone can change the information on there. You can even start whole new articles if you wanted to. So what… what if I was pulling up faulty information that some kid thought to post online?”
“I dunno, Donghae, I’m sure they implement some procedures to make sure that…” but before he finishes Eunhyuk is reminded of a more pressing concern, and he almost jumps on the spot upon his realization. “Donghae… whose computer is this…?”
“Kyuhyun’s,” Donghae asks innocently. “Why?”
The slight sizzling sound and the smell of smoke is Donghae’s only response.
Siwon and Sungmin have their first date about a week after several days after several days after the Mongolian attack. But granted that going anywhere public impedes Sungmin’s safety, especially with only Siwon to protect him (“But I’m capable!” Siwon protests, and Leeteuk turns him down anyway), their “first date” consists of a candlelight dinner in the building’s basement.
“The fried rice is good,” Sungmin comments with a laugh, and Siwon politely informs Sungmin about Chef Hankyung’s amazing culinary skills. And overall, though the date is rather cheap and awkward (the latter being only because of Kangin and Kyuhyun’s creeping from the top flight of the stairs), the laughs Sungmin and Siwon share are enough evidence to prove that Sungmin had still had fun.
“What the fuck,” is the only thing Kyuhyun can manage upon seeing his fried computer. And naturally, it doesn’t take long to find out the culprit.
“Do you know how long getting that computer repaired is going to take me?” Kyuhyun roars at Donghae. “…actually, don’t answer that, I already know the answer to that.”
“I’m sorry!” Donghae wails. “It sorta just happened, and I don’t know why!”
“I don’t care why or how it happened! Now I won’t be able to play StarCraft!”
“But that’s wonderful news, Kui Xian!” Zhou Mi chimes in suddenly, and suddenly Kyuhyun finds the Chinese man slung around his neck. “Now you’ll actually pay attention to me!”
“But, but,” Kyuhuyn begins, but Zhou Mi silences him by placing a finger on his lips.
“Less StarCraft, more Mimi, yeah?”
“But… StarCraft….”
“How many times does it take a Kui Xian to pay attention to Zhou Mi before Zhou Mi gives up and finds someone else?”
“Five,” Kyuhyun responds automatically. And then, seeing Zhou Mi’s triumphant face, Kyuhyun sighs. “Fine, I get your point. What’d you want to do?”
“I have a few ideas,” Zhou Mi replies slyly, and without another word he drags Kyuhyun away, leaving a forgotten Donghae to himself.
The next team meeting makes half of the men present feel incompetent.
“We need to assess some sort of battle strategy,” Leeteuk is saying. “The first time we were all over the place. The second time we sorta knew what we were doing, but most of you were useless. So this time, we’re going to be ready. So what I want you all to do is: I’m going to give you a group of possible crazies, and you’re going to tell me how you would be of use in that situation. Make sense?”
And with that, the first example group of crazies is announced: an army of feminists dressed in Mickey Mouse suits.
“Can I just sing and blow them up? It’d make life so much easier.”
“I could swallow their suits, maybe?-but then I might swallow them whole, too.”
“I could make them stop attacking and make them put on a dance performance to that one song….”
“Or have them star in a lesbian porn film.”
In the end, almost all of them are useless… again. And so Leeteuk sighs and moves on to the next group: A giant horde of tortoises.
“Doesn’t this fall under animal cruelty?”
“And the cats didn’t?”
“Wouldn’t it be humanity cruelty, if tortoises were attacking us?”
“WE COULD GET DDANGKOMA TO TALK TO THEM!”
“…Wookie, Ddangkoma stays out of this.”
“Besides, Wookie, Ddangkoma’s a turtle, not a tortoise. It’d be like trying to speak Korean to a Japanese guy.”
“I could look up a tortoise’s weaknesses!”
“…because I’m sure Wikipedia has been bothered enough to include how to find a turtle’s weakness. I think I’ll just persuade the turtles to hide in their shells or something.”
“Tortoises, not turtles! And Wikipedia has everything.”
In the end, most of them prove useless yet again, and after several more trials it is concluded that Heechul, Zhou Mi, Siwon, and Kyuhyun are the most useless out of all of them.
“With Donghae being almost useless,” Heechul adds defensively. “And Yesung and Kangin are mostly useless.”
And it’s on this note that the third wave of crazies arrives.
“And suddenly turtles no longer seems like a ridiculous idea,” Eunhyuk mutters in shock (“Tortoises!” Donghae corrects. “There’s a difference, you know!”), eyes widening at the sight before him.
“I… don’t think I want to swallow that,” Shindong says blankly, while Ryeowook asks “Does it even have ears?” to no one in particular.
But they don’t really have much time to ask other questions though, and before anyone else can express their utter shock for the current situation Mewtwo’s voice begins to fill the room.
“Lee Sungmin,” is all it says. “Which of you is Lee Sungmin?”
“Why?” fourteen men ask in unison, inadvertently giving Sungmin away. And Mewtwo, being rather intelligent, uses this logic and points to the silent fifteenth.
“You,” Mewtwo says again. “A perfect clone must have perfect offspring. Come with me.”
“False!” Donghae yells. “As a legendary Pokemon, Mewtwo cannot breed."
And though it’s in this moment in which Donghae proves he isn’t “almost useless,” it’s also in this moment that Mewtwo becomes hostile. And if that isn’t enough, it’s also when a bunch of men discover just how much psychic powers suck.
…it’s also when Leeteuk’s ability is finally revealed to them.
“Show off,” Kangin says dismissively, rolling his eyes as Leeteuk’s now spread angel wings hold back Mewtwo’s psychic power.
“AND YOU CALLED OUR POWERS CLICHÉ!” Ryeowook and Donghae wail simultaneously. “Hypocrite! Leader Leeteuk with angel wings of steel is the cliché of clichés!” But before either man can dish out any further complaints Kibum flashes a burst of white, and Mewtwo disappears from their sights entirely.
Making battle plans proves to be a much more challenging task without Leeteuk in their presence, or at least that’s what Kangin wants to believe (“It couldn’t possibly be because we’re dealing with a fucking Pokemon,” Kangin snaps when Shindong tries showing to him the truth.) And so, though Hankyung does try his best to take over the position, as a whole the fourteen men end up wasting more time than relieving Leeteuk of any.
“Let’s rule out possibilities,” Shindong says when Hankyung decides he’s had enough. “Who’s completely useless, here?”
Heechul lists them off his fingers as if he’s had them memorized since birth. “Me, Hankyung, Yesung, Kangin, Sungmin, Zhou Mi, Donghae, Eunhyuk, Siwon, and Kyuhyun.”
“Why am I useless?” Donghae whines, and though it had been asked rhetorically Kyuhyun still regurgitates an answer anyway.
“So we’ll go down the line from there,” says Shindong. “I don’t really want to have to swallow that thing, so try to save that for a last resort.”
Donghae suddenly shrieks. “OMG I JUST REALIZED, MEWTWO LOOKS LIKE AN ALIEN!” Then, to Eunhyuk, he adds, “See, Hyukkie, I told you they’re real!”
Shindong ignores the interruption entirely, turning to Kibum and Henry. “So you guys and Ryeowook are basically the only ones capable of doing anything. You got any ideas?”
And much to Shindong’s surprise, Kibum steps forward and nods a quiet and subtle affirmative.
“But we’re also going to need Donghae, Eunhyuk, and Siwon.”
“Your efforts are futile, human,” Mewtwo is telling Leeteuk when Henry arrives with Kibum, Eunhyuk and Donghae, though only the latter two remain after another bright flash of light.
“What’re you doing?” Leeteuk asks in disbelief, but Eunhyuk only ignores him, muttering utter nonsense under his breath.
Mewtwo only laughs. “Human, I can hear you. Do you really think I can be swayed by your mere persuasions?”
“It’s not what I’m after,” Eunhyuk says with a sly smile, and Mewtwo only scoffs disbelievingly as Eunhyuk begins to mutter once more.
“No, human, I won’t calm down, and I won’t leave Lee Sungmin alone. Any other requests you’d like to have denied?”
But before Eunhyuk can even open his mouth to respond a booming voice rings from somewhere behind Mewtwo: “By the will of God, I demand that you retreat at once!”
“And who might you be?” Mewtwo asks calmly yet terrifyingly, turning around to the newcomer, and the man, shibrows and all, holds his ground confidently.
“I am God’s messenger,” Siwon declares, and Mewtwo only laughs. “By his will you are to step down and leave Lee Sungmin alone. He reminds you that, as a Pokemon and as a legendary species, breeding conflicts should not concern you.”
“Like I would listen to God, really. I am the most perfect, superior being, and my existence is a contradiction to God’s.”
“God reminds you not to commit words of blasphemy. He also asks that you not forget who birthed you.”
“I haven’t forgotten,” Mewtwo replies coldly. “Humans created me in their greed for the perfect Pokemon-and they succeeded, for that matter. Why should I serve this “God,” a mere creation of the human mind?-and say this God really does exist. What justification is there that makes me subservient to this God?”
“The transitive relation,” Donghae answers almost mechanically, and Mewtwo is forced to turn around again. “God birthed humans, and humans birthed you. Therefore, God birthed you as well, thus making you subservient to him.”
“And what will happen if I don’t listen to this God?”
“You’ll be smote by God’s divine judgment,” Siwon answers for him, and Mewtwo is forced to turn around yet again.
“Really?” Mewtwo asks disbelieving. “Quite frankly I think this is all a heist to hold me up. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have matters with Lee Sungmin to attend-” but before Mewtwo is able to finish a lightning bolt drops from the sky, and after one last bright flash of white Mewtwo is no more.
It takes a few days for everyone to figure out just how they’d managed to overcome this particular round of crazies, namely Mewtwo.
“Like I’d been trying to say that first day,” Henry says, “Kibum makes flashes by doing some weird shit with the particles in the air. I think in the same way, by manipulating the particles in the air, he can create discharge between the air particles and those on the ground… or something like that. I kinda forgot what my physics textbook said about lightning after that.”
“So let me get this straight,” Heechul says skeptically. “Leeteuk’s an angel, Siwon’s God’s messenger, and Kibum can make lightning bolts drop from the sky at will?”
“Pretty much, yes.”
And Heechul, after looking searchingly at Hankyung and Kangin, sighs and shakes his head furiously. “I still hold by my now ridiculously sounding claim that no God exists, especially if Kibum had to fake God’s divine judgment.”
“Watch what you say, Heechul,” Siwon whispers, and when Heechul responds with “I stand by the notion that you don’t really have such a power and that it’d all just been an act for Mewtwo” Siwon responds with “But isn’t acting your lame excuse of a power?”
On the same night Sungmin and Siwon’s relationship comes to an end, Yesung pulls Kibum away from the others.
“I have something important to tell you,” Yesung says right off the bat, and he takes Kibum’s lack of response as a sign to continue. “A few nights or so ago, I… saw something, I guess you could say. I saw you breaking up with Henry.”
It takes Kibum a few moments to make sense out of what Yesung’s said, and in that time Yesung says nothing-though he actually does want to say much more. And when Kibum does talk, Yesung is glad he hadn’t.
“…so what’s your worry, then? If you saw that, then it won’t happen, right? Besides, we’re not even really dating.”
Yesung sighs. “I… just want to make sure, that’s all. Because if, for some reason, what I saw is actually right for once… then Sungmin’s at risk of dying.”
Yesung says the last part under a whisper, and though it lacks a worried yet ominous tone it’s enough to send shivers up Kibum’s spine.
“Sungmin felt pressured and intimidated,” Siwon tells Kangin sadly when he asks about their breakup. “Somehow, I guess he didn’t like the idea of being God’s messenger’s boyfriend.”
“I guess not,” Kangin says lightly, not paying too much favor to all the religious talk. So instead, Kangin asks about Sungmin: “Do you know if he’s looking again?”
“Not really, though he probably will. Kyuhyun’s the only one interested in him now, right?-oh wait, you too.”
“Not me,” Kangin corrects, grimacing. “Not anymore, at least. I… I sorta wanna get back together with Leeteuk.”
“Leeteuk?” Siwon asks loudly in disbelief, and Kangin quickly hushes him. “But why? I thought you broke up with him.”
“No, he broke up with me. I was just lying about it because I was being a typical man… you know, hurt pride and all.”
“Oh, I see…. Well, good luck!”
“Yeah, thanks.” Kangin sighs. “How about you, though? You turning to anyone?”
Siwon shrugs. “I guess I’ll go see if Hankyung and Heechul will consider taking me back or something.”
“Hankyung and Heechul?” Kangin asks, furrowing his brow in confusion. But after a moment or two he catches on. “God’s messenger gets some, I see?”
“Quite a bit, actually.”
They find out that the next team meeting is their last, and for some reason the thought depresses all of them.
“They’re attempting to pass legislation that ensures Sungmin’s safety,” Leeteuk explains. “So naturally, when those laws pass, there won’t really be a need for us to protect him.”
“What kind of laws?”
“Making forcible collection of his sperm punishable by death.”
“But what if someone like Mewtwo comes back to attack him?” Donghae cries, turning to Eunhyuk pleadingly. “Even worse, what if the aliens come and invade? Who’s going to protect him then?”
“Don’t jinx it,” Kangin mutters bitterly, while Yesung merely shudders violently.
“It really should be fine,” Leeteuk assures them. “But in the meantime, Sungmin’s probably more at risk than ever, especially since the crazies will probably make their last attempts while it’s still legal. So if we can just make it through these next few weeks….”
Leeteuk is surprised when he arrives home that evening to find a gigantic card lying on his bed, but he’s absolutely stunned when he lifts it open and peers inside.
“UMMARRRRRR WE’LL MISS YOU ;A;” is what he finds written in large, bold letters, though he really doesn’t know why.
“You like it?” a voice suddenly asks, and Leeteuk turns to find Kangin stepping into the room behind him. “It was my idea.”
“Kangin, I…” and at that moment, Leeteuk doesn’t know whether he wants to cry or to hug Kangin, but what he does know is that if he doesn’t do anything soon his emotions are going to get the best of him.
So Leeteuk settles with both.
(“But why ummar?” a curious Leeteuk asks hours later, and he isn’t pleased when Kangin informs him that it is yet another reference to Leeteuk’s womanly role in a relationship between two men. But for some reason, he isn’t as bothered this time around.)
But of course, Donghae ends up jinxing it.
It all had happened so fast. In one moment Sungmin had stepped out onto the balcony for a breath of fresh air; the next, he’s frozen in an indestructible ice sculpture.
“Let him go!” Kyuhyun yells angrily, pounding onto the crystal of ice that is Sungmin’s prison. And though at the time no one has a clue who exactly he’s talking to, within moments it’s made clear.
“Lee Sungmin,” a voice booms around them, “you’ve let your guard down. And at last I’ve captured you.”
“Why do I have the strangest feeling we’re dealing with another Mewtwo here?” Donghae whispers, to which Eunhyuk responds with “I don’t think it has anything to do with the unnaturally all-surrounding voice we’re hearing right now, Hae. Not at all.”
And that’s when Henry realizes that they’re dealing with fucking Ganondorf (“Fucking with emphasis,” Heechul clarifies, only to burst into laughter with Hankyung once he realizes he’s made the same mistake yet again), of all crazies to have snuck upon them on their last weeks.
(“Though I have the strangest feeling Ganondorf would have abided with newly legislated Korean laws,” Heechul says with a laugh, and though it had been meant as a joke it was also likely the truth.”)
“BATTLE STRATEGY PARTY AT UMMAR’S HOUSE!” thirteen men suggest demand, and Leeteuk doesn’t even bother a protest.
The first team-meeting-after-the-last-team-meeting is spent decorated with Leeteuk’s UMMAR card draping an entire side of a wall, and it’s also spent with a generous amount of Hankyung’s famed cooking. But by no means is it a celebration, however, and as soon as thirteen hungry stomachs are fed they go right down to business.
“So I used Yahoo! Maps and got driving directions to Ganon’s castle,” Leeteuk says, handing out the sheets to all of them. “It says it’s a three hour drive, but we have to account for traffic and everything. We should be able to fit in three cars, if anyone’s willing to drive.”
“I can drive,” Kangin, Shindong, and Donghae all volunteer, though almost everyone protests to the latter.
“If he drives, the car will explode,” Kyuhyun reasons, and as proof he takes out his fried laptop from his bag (which he apparently still carries with him out of habit, he explains to a confused Ryeowook). And when Donghae sighs and relents, Hankyung is instead chosen.
Leeteuk writes their names down before continuing. “All right, that’s settled. Next, we have to figure out a battle plan. Anyone ever played the Zelda games?”
“I have,” Henry volunteers, and then he begins to detail the many different Ganon’s castles in the different Zelda games, wherever applicable. “…and in Ocarina of Time, you sorta have to remove this barrier thing by going to six different rooms and stuff.”
“Great,” says Kangin. “We can easily split into six groups.”
“Yeah, but I think two of them were inaccessible until some of the other rooms were completed.”
“Why are video games never that easy?-and no, Donghae, I don’t want an answer to that.”
“So essentially, we don’t know what to expect. As always.” Leeteuk sighs. “At the very least, we should probably come up with some form of buddy system, in case there’s a chance we have to split up.” And thereafter Leeteuk pairs them off: Ryeowook with Zhou Mi, Shindong with Yesung, Henry with Kyuhyun, Hankyung with Donghae, Leeteuk with Siwon, Kibum with Heechul, and Eunhyuk with Kangin.
“We leave tomorrow at dawn,” Leeteuk says afterwards, and with that he gives them a slight bow. “Tomorrow’s it, everyone. Make sure you’re well rested. And until tomorrow… goodnight.”
“Goodnight, ummar~!” the others shout in unison, and Leeteuk only rolls his eyes before sending them away.”
Yesung experiences his nightmare/premonition again that night, though this time he doesn’t think much of it. Ryeowook and Kibum are both right, after all, and though the contents of the nightmare/premonition disturb him he reminds himself that having seen Sungmin’s death is actually a blessing, even if not so much to him at that time.
On the way for a glass of water he catches Ryeowook cradling Ddangkoma yet again, though this time he knows why. And though he tells himself to remember to say goodbye to Ddangkoma too, by the time his thirst is quenched and fatigue takes over a second time, he forgets all about it.
Eunhyuk is slightly annoyed at first when Donghae crawls onto his bed rather indiscreetly, especially as he’d been in the middle of what just might’ve been his last good dream-but when he feels Donghae shiver against his chest he decides his own selfish opinions probably don’t matter at much.
“I can’t sleep,” Donghae mumbles, “and I’m nervous, and I’m worried that-”
“Shh,” Eunhyuk whispers, “it’s fine. We all are.”
That’s how Donghae falls asleep, with his head pressed firmly against Eunhyuk’s chest, with his arms clinging onto Eunhyuk’s waist as if his life had depended on it. And though Donghae’s grip doesn’t exactly make the position comfortable, Eunhyuk finds that in the end he’s rather okay with the position.
Heechul’s idea in spending the night before the end is a threesome, though it involves quite the show with Hankyung before it actually becomes a threesome. And though Siwon really does swear that he doesn’t want it, that it goes against his role as God’s messenger, that he’s only participating because Hankyung and Heechul are being ridiculously cruel and unfair atheists, when he moans Hankyung’s name with raspy breaths for air it isn’t quite as convincing.
“I don’t want to go home,” Henry whispers to Kibum in the dark.
“Why not?”
“Because… spending time with you is so much better than Skyp’ing you all the time.”
Kibum laughs. “Ya, Henry… you could just visit me, you know.”
“Yeah, but…” Henry sighs into the dark. “It’s not the same.”
And maybe it’s because the dark gives him courage, but when Kibum tells Henry that their time spent in Korea means a lot to him too, Henry gathers up his guts and mutters: “cnxpgth4rgawoH;L4HT.”
“…Henry, you know I can’t understand.”
“And maybe for the better,” is all Henry says in reply, and he leaves it at that.
It isn’t dawn yet, nor is it anywhere near dawn. But Kangin finds himself waking up anyway, and he’s not exactly surprised to find Leeteuk already up and about in the kitchen.
“Just last minute preparations,” Leeteuk says, packing rice cakes and other snacks into fourteen bags. “Ah, Kangin, can you go get the water bottles from the fridge?”
“Yeah.” And then, when Leeteuk turns away, Kangin continues. “You know, Leeteuk, you’d really make a good mother.”
“They all think I’m one anyway, no thanks to you.” Leeteuk pauses, looking up. “Kangin? The water bottles?”
“When I said you were the girl in our relationship-”
Leeteuk sighs. “Kangin, it’s fine, I-”
“I meant it in a good way.”-and at that moment rice cakes decide to fall out of Leeteuk’s grasp, though neither man makes an attempt to pick up the fallen.
“You… what?”
Kangin raises his hands defensively. “I know I sorta used it against you when you broke up with me and stuff, but… when I first said it, I meant it in a good way. I meant to tell you how you were always looking after me.”
“…oh.” Leeteuk bends down to pick up the fallen rice cake and then he walks away to dispose of it. “So why’d you have to put it that way, then?”
Kangin shrugs. “I don’t know. Not important now. What is important, though….”
And when Kangin proposes another shot at their relationship, Leeteuk doesn’t hesitate for even a second in taking him back.
Click here for Part 3